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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Red Hair

130 replies

Motherland2624 · 18/12/2024 09:38

Hi 👋 i was wondering if i could get some help from you wise ladies
im 46 and have bright red hair its long well maintained and in great condition Ive had it for 10 years now i do sometimes mix it up with different shades but mostly stick to this colour
Ive recently met someone nice guy (I think ) high up corporate job nice lifestyle very casual which is ideal for me at this time in my life
He recently mentioned that my hair prevent would him from progressing to anything more serious in the future because the colour doesn’t fit in his world,I was a taken a back I’m a confident person or maybe naive I never imagined my hair colour would be a problem to anyone so AIBU should I go back to my natural colour I’ve put in a pic of my hair happy to take criticism

Red Hair
OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 18/12/2024 10:02

You're a Marilyn and he wants a Jackie. He sounds a bit inadequate, bin him off.

PamelaColmansMustard · 18/12/2024 10:01

And if you changed your hair colour to suit him, (please don't!!!!) what would be next? The words "get" and "stuffed" would be on my lips.

Pinkywoo · 18/12/2024 10:00

I've had many hair colours since college (mid 40s now), and when I met DH it was pink. In the country he comes from no-one has bright hair and I got stared at everywhere we went, but he didn't give a fuck!

I agree with the pp, red hair is fine for a casual shag but isn't "girlfriend material", I'd dump him.

Gem359 · 18/12/2024 09:59

Motherland2624 · 18/12/2024 09:50

He said he personally doesn’t care what my hair colour is but he lives in a small village and my hair wouldn’t fit in he doesn’t like to stand out apparently

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Your hair colour wouldn't fit in in his village??? I live in a small village and I think his stupidity wouldn't fit in in my village. What a ridiculous thing for him to say.

He's talking shit OP, surely you can see that. He wants you to change your hair and is trying to subtly manipulate you into doing it with all this negging about how you don't fit in. Asshole.

Mmhmmn · 18/12/2024 09:56

Motherland2624 · 18/12/2024 09:50

He said he personally doesn’t care what my hair colour is but he lives in a small village and my hair wouldn’t fit in he doesn’t like to stand out apparently

Show quote history

Further evidence that he’s no match for you. Not sure why his lack of confidence and social adjustment should dictate your hair colour. The entitlement is unreal.

HansHolbein · 18/12/2024 09:56

➡️ 🗑️

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 18/12/2024 09:55

Lucky he told you now before you got more involved with him and his dull grey world.

Gem359 · 18/12/2024 09:55

His 'world' sounds shite and weirdly judgemental. I don't think it would be a fun/interesting/enjoyable place to be.
Keep your hair colour and remove yourself from his world.

Catza · 18/12/2024 09:54

Motherland2624 · 18/12/2024 09:50

He said he personally doesn’t care what my hair colour is but he lives in a small village and my hair wouldn’t fit in he doesn’t like to stand out apparently

Show quote history

Then he needs to work on his confidence.

Mmhmmn · 18/12/2024 09:53

MarkingBad · 18/12/2024 09:46

If you change your hair for him he'll ask for more changes. These will become demands and by that time you will be trapped. Don't do anything unless you want to for yourself

Have you noticed other ways in which he’s controlling yet? Usually once you get a surprise like that and start thinking about it, you see other things they do..

CentrifugalBumblePuppy · 18/12/2024 09:53

He’s a prick. Your hair is beautiful. He obviously isn’t seen mature ladies with blue rinses in his bucolic village setting (a staple in my 70s & 80s youth for many middle class WI members).

Please sack off this nob cheese.

Catza · 18/12/2024 09:53

Nah. I have red hair and I am covered in visible tattoos. I've dated guys from the "corporate world" and it's never been brought up as an issue. I look stunning in a ballgown and the only time I had to cover my tattoos up is when we went to an event hosted by a Japanese business partner.

He is a tool destined for the bin.

noctilucentcloud · 18/12/2024 09:51

No don't change your hair colour for him. Your hair colour makes you happy and frankly he either likes you like that or doesn't. Like others I see it as a red flag that he's trying to control and mould you in to what he deems correct.

neverbeenskiing · 18/12/2024 09:50

He's not that into you. If he was, your hair colour wouldn't matter. Honestly, this is one of the lamest excuses I've ever heard.

Original poster
Motherland2624 · 18/12/2024 09:50

HidingFromDD · 18/12/2024 09:46

did he say that a girlfriend with your hair colour would cause him problems or did he say if he dyed his hair that colour it would impact his work. First is a dumpable offence. Second not so much

He said he personally doesn’t care what my hair colour is but he lives in a small village and my hair wouldn’t fit in he doesn’t like to stand out apparently

OP posts:
Mmhmmn · 18/12/2024 09:49

SpanThatWorld · 18/12/2024 09:40

Your hair is glorious.
He sounds like a tool

The simple truth.

HidingFromDD · 18/12/2024 09:46

did he say that a girlfriend with your hair colour would cause him problems or did he say if he dyed his hair that colour it would impact his work. First is a dumpable offence. Second not so much

Notimeforaname · 18/12/2024 09:46

Ah well, it's not a fit then. He'd like you.. if he could change you. That'd be a no from me.

MarkingBad · 18/12/2024 09:46

If you change your hair for him he'll ask for more changes. These will become demands and by that time you will be trapped. Don't do anything unless you want to for yourself

xILikeJamx · 18/12/2024 09:46

I agree with everyone else that it's a bit of a red flag and would put me off. He's saying it's embarrassing to him - not sure anyone he introduced you to would care that much about it.

However I'm personally not a fan of the colour and would change it🙊

Mmhmmn · 18/12/2024 09:45

Not a prince is he. Your hair was good enough to attract his attention and he’s essentially saying you’re good enough for fucking but nothing more. DUUMMMPP. Narrow minded.
PLEASE Don't suddenly doubt yourself because a man starts negging you. He can F off. Don’t change yourself.

Beaverbridge · 18/12/2024 09:44

Your hair is stunning, I'd love mine like that, too old now though. Get him fired into the sea. Who does he think he is??!!.

Biroclicker · 18/12/2024 09:44

Amazing hair. Crap man. I know which one I'd go with.

SJM1988 · 18/12/2024 09:43

Your hair colour should have no impact on HIS work life. That is a massive leap for him to make and I think entirely an excuse because he doesn't want to portray his true person to you so early.
Get rid of him and keep the hair. Never make a change in yourself to make a new partner happy.

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 18/12/2024 09:42

Absolutely not. Don't change yourself for anyone. Stunning hair 👌

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