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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Red Hair

130 replies

Motherland2624 · 18/12/2024 09:38

Hi 👋 i was wondering if i could get some help from you wise ladies
im 46 and have bright red hair its long well maintained and in great condition Ive had it for 10 years now i do sometimes mix it up with different shades but mostly stick to this colour
Ive recently met someone nice guy (I think ) high up corporate job nice lifestyle very casual which is ideal for me at this time in my life
He recently mentioned that my hair prevent would him from progressing to anything more serious in the future because the colour doesn’t fit in his world,I was a taken a back I’m a confident person or maybe naive I never imagined my hair colour would be a problem to anyone so AIBU should I go back to my natural colour I’ve put in a pic of my hair happy to take criticism

Red Hair
OP posts:
FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 18/12/2024 11:40

I'd tell him his attitude would prevent me from progressing the relationship at all. And then just pop him in the discard pile.

BunnyLake · 18/12/2024 11:38

Well at least he’s being honest saying it wouldn’t fit into his world. Obviously don’t change yourself for him.

Keep your hair colour and move on.

januaryknowsbest · 18/12/2024 11:36

Your hair is lovely, and you shouldn't compromise for anyone.
Having said that, and been married for 20 years to a partner working in a conservative corporate job, I do think, yes, sadly you, or he would get judged for this.

Mmhmmn · 18/12/2024 11:33

This message is perfect in its succinctness 😂

Mmhmmn · 18/12/2024 11:32

Whitewolf2 · 18/12/2024 10:41

I just can’t believe you’ve reached 46 years of age and seriously think a ‘nice guy’ would tell you your hair colour will be an issue for the people of his village so you should change it, this has to be a wind up!

It brings to mind torches, pitchforks, and three-eyed villagers 😂

Catza · 18/12/2024 11:31

Runninginthenight · 18/12/2024 10:16

Senior management, finance. This would count against you being promoted here, as would any visible tattoos.

You wouldn't be promoted because your partner has red hair?
I am surprised you retain staff to be honest. No job should have this much hand in someone's relationship.

LetMeGoogleThat · 18/12/2024 11:25

Keep the hair and ditch the arse hole!

FartSock5000 · 18/12/2024 11:25

@Motherland2624 RED FLAGS

He's trying to neg you. Subtly change you to his preferences. Don't let him.

He either wants you as you are or you dump him. He's talking utter bollocks about fitting in!

DO NOT let him change you.

ps Your hair is gorgeous.

SnapdragonToadflax · 18/12/2024 11:16

He can't be much cop if your hair colour would prevent him from doing well 😂 What a twat. Not sure if he's very insecure or negging, but either way not someone I'd be interested in.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/12/2024 11:12

Imagine, the only red in the village 😱

Fabulouslyunfabulous · 18/12/2024 11:09

Surely it would be you that it prevented from climbing the corporate ladder or fitting into the village? Not him?

If you wanted to fit it you might consider changing but unless the colour is running and ruining his suit or sofa then I can’t see how your hair has any impact on his lifestyle.

Make a red flag to match the colour of your hair and stick the pole up his bottom.

Penguinfeet24 · 18/12/2024 11:07

Can't be very good at his job if a hair colour of his partner would affect it...

Isatis · 18/12/2024 11:05

Motherland2624 · 18/12/2024 09:50

He said he personally doesn’t care what my hair colour is but he lives in a small village and my hair wouldn’t fit in he doesn’t like to stand out apparently

Show quote history

Why on earth does he care what people in a small village think about you? How does he even know? They're probably a whole lot more broad-minded than he thinks. I suspect that the worst that would happen if you turned up on his arm is that some of his neighbours would envy you and/or him.

BlackeyedSusan · 18/12/2024 11:01

SpanThatWorld · 18/12/2024 09:40

Your hair is glorious.
He sounds like a tool

I do like it when it's answered in the first post!

rumred · 18/12/2024 10:58

Motherland2624 · 18/12/2024 09:50

He said he personally doesn’t care what my hair colour is but he lives in a small village and my hair wouldn’t fit in he doesn’t like to stand out apparently

Show quote history

Wanker

bolwin1 · 18/12/2024 10:57

Runninginthenight · 18/12/2024 10:16

Senior management, finance. This would count against you being promoted here, as would any visible tattoos.

That's not really the point though. It's not OP looking for a role in financial services. If the industry is so up itself that it judges someone on the colour of their partner's hair, it's got a problem.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/12/2024 10:52

DaisyChain505 · Today 10:49
**
My personal opinion is that this colour hair is pretty tacky and cheap looking”

I think it’s beautiful. Strong and glossy in excellent condition. I have long, naturally blonde hair. I’d dye mine like OP’s if I had the confidence.

I think that confidence would be a very attractive asset to an employer, OP.

DaisyChain505 · 18/12/2024 10:49

My personal opinion is that this colour hair is pretty tacky and cheap looking.

however that is just my opinion. You may think things I wear etc may be tacky.

the important point is that you like your hair.

dont let a man tell you how to look or dress.

lionloaf · 18/12/2024 10:46

He sounds hugely insecure!

CheekySnake · 18/12/2024 10:44

I would be really careful going forward, @Motherland2624

To me this is a massive red flag. If you give in and change your hair, then it's your makeup, your clothes, your shoes, the TV programmes you watch, your friends, your cooking, your hobbies etc etc until there's nothing of you left and you are in a place where your self confidence is shot to pieces and you can't make a decision about anything because you can't trust your own judgement.

If he doesn't like your hair why did he take up with you in the first place.

In my experience it can be how coercive control starts.

There will be another man who loves it and thinks it's brilliant.

meatyryvita · 18/12/2024 10:43

Aposematism is a defence strategy where prey discourage predators from attacking by using warning signals such as bright colours, patterns etc. Seems like it's working in this instance - good riddance to bad rubbish!

TheKeatingFive · 18/12/2024 10:43

Well at least you didnt waste much time on him, huh? He sounds like a twat.

Whitewolf2 · 18/12/2024 10:41

I just can’t believe you’ve reached 46 years of age and seriously think a ‘nice guy’ would tell you your hair colour will be an issue for the people of his village so you should change it, this has to be a wind up!

PlumpPuddingLass · 18/12/2024 10:29

I'd say you're incompatible and he isn't a nice person. I will bet you even if you change your hair it will be something else next.

godmum56 · 18/12/2024 10:28

I'd be thanking him massively for helping you to dodge a bullet......then I'd be telling him to go and do one.

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