Does DH spend too much time gaming? Or is this fine?

Seriously? Is this what you call a marriage? You are married to a teenager. Grim.

I wouldn’t tolerate that, no.

I agree with this - the gaming in the evening is fine, especially as it’s after you’ve gone to bed, but gaming during the work day and then not being around for family time/ spending time with you in the early evenings seems unfair.

By his actions (daytime gaming then working late), he’s basically saying that he doesn’t want to spend time with you and the DC. Also, although you say he does his share, I bet there’s loads of little things that you do in the evening that he isn’t aware of.

Also, if he has to game every day, that suggests he could be addicted. Does he ever go for a few days without playing? My DH also plays games on the PC, but it was never a daily thing even before children, and now it’s quite infrequent.

I'd say that his health is his health. The bit that would do my head in would be a self employed father spending chunks of his working day gaming, so that he has to then work until 8pm to catch up on his day's work, because he's having a skive. It wouldn't matter if he was reading, model railway, crocheting, whatever, (although I completely agree that gaming is particularly unattractive), if someone is focused on anything to the exclusion of other things, it's just not very balanced and a bit odd. Which is why the Ick maybe.

The worry I have reading about this is that the gaming sounds compulsive. Particularly if he is gaming when he should be working.

Having any compulsion like this take over your life is not healthy. It shouldn't be the number one most important thing in his life, but it sounds like it is.

If he wasn't gaming in the daytime he could probably be finished at four or five. It's completely unfair that he spends his daytime on leisure activities and then the evening, when you're busy, claiming he's working.

I suppose the obvious racket sports are badminton or squash indoors and tennis outdoors in summer. Badminton can be played with kids.

We used to go to climbing gyms with the kids too and all go up climbing walls.

I spend hours in front of the TV, I wouldn't be very happy if DH moaned about it, as long as jobs are equally shared how you choose to spend leisure time should be yours

I don't really understand why you are with him. You don't spend any time together and, as you say, you wouldn't even if he wasn't gaming. He is also not appreciating that the point of enjoying a sport with family is not to be challenged but...you know... spend time with the family.
I unfortunately have experience of being in a relationship with someone who thinks the same and it's not a good foundation for a lasting marriage.

Regarding his health it's a tricky one. One the one hand, it's his body and health and he's a grown man, on the other hand if he were to develop health problems, you would have to carry the burden of caring for him and for the children. I do think when you have kids you have a duty to take take better care of our health, for the sake of our children and partner.
Personnally I love outdoor activity and we spend many of our sundays hiking or cycling in the forest, or even bouldering once in a while, our toddlers loves it. Perhaps you could try that?
Regarding the gaming, I agree with other PPs that gaming in the evening while you and the kids are in bed is ok, but in the daytime while he's supposed to work is not, as he finishes his working day later than he would.

Well it sounds like he chooses to spend his alone time on a game instead of watching tv, tv happens to be what the vast majority of people do in the evening and seems completely normal and acceptable but for some reason gaming isn’t. Both are infact similar things to do except gaming seems looked down on.

if you had said I go to bed at 9pm so dh watches tv until 11 most nights except once a week when he wins stay up to 1am to watch a film, hardly anyone would think there was a problem and actually you would get a lot of replies telling you it controlling to dictate what you think he should be doing in his free time!

as far as playing during work hours. I think that’s an issue because he then catches up in the evening which eats into time with you and the children before you all go to bed. You all apparently spend about an hour a day together most of which is eating dinner which I don’t think is really good enough (although it’s more than parents who work certain hours or have gym other hobbies after work outside of the home) But again if you had said he works long hours then goes to the gym so doesn’t get home until 8 a lot of people would be disagreeing with my opinion about it not being enough time together as a family.

my points is let him choosing how he spends his time. It’s his time alone so he gets to pick how he spends it.
I would be very upset if a partner told me I shouldn’t be reading a book for two hours after they had gone to bed, it’s not different!

his health and the time you spend together as a couple/family are separate but worthy things you can talk about and both should be open to working on.
As for the sleep, going to bed at 11 then getting up at 7 [(for example) gives 8 hours which is perfectly acceptable!
Once a week getting 5 hours isn’t something I’d be worried about, how many people have a regular night doing a hobby or the gym or a class or a night in the pub then go to bed a 2 or 3 hours later than normal.

He says he finds the gym boring and only really likes racket sports.
So I’d love to hear suggestions of fun family sports to do together!

Have you considered... racket sports?

I think the evening gaming is fine, you are in bed so he isn't sacrificing time with you. The day time gaming I would think is a problem if it means he is working later when everyone is around. The honest truth is children aren't around forever and he might regret it later when he is available and they are not because they have their own lives with their own friends.

I never understand why people equate gaming to something only teen boys do. Dh and I used to game together back in the old Playstation One days. Both of us gamed as teens in the 80s when it wasn't that great. The industry is huge and lots of adults game. I am going to be playing Tiny Glade soon which has been called therapy, you just build, pet some sheep.

If you are truly concerned about his health then I would also have a family chat about what you can do on a Sunday. If anywhere does Pickleball it is a great thing to play.

If he's willing to play racket sports, I would start there. Get some inexpensive rackets for the family and spend a Saturday or two a month at the park or book out a court. Cycling could be a good family activity for the weekend, it's keeping active without feeling too much like a sport or working out.

If he's gaming for a few hours every night once you and the kids are in bed, I don't think it's a huge issue, as he wouldn't be spending time with his family as they're all in bed. Gaming during his working day is potentially an issue if he's regularly working late to make up for it, you'd be reasonable to ask him not to do that.

I prefer games to TV so don't see the issue if that's what he likes to do rather than watch TV and you've said if you wanted to watch something with him he will do it so I see no problem, I know you're worried about him not exercising but he's a grown man I'm sure he knows that himself

Fuck that. You say his business is doing well but I’m betting he is pissing about playing games
more than you think. How much better would the business be if he was more dedicated? What about the chores, housework, cooking, cleaning and diy etc? Does that all fall to you because he is “busy working”? He’s avoiding work, you, the kids, the dog and adult life by disappearing into an alternate life online.

Does he want a family life and a relationship? We have to work at those, he is t and he’s loosing you. Tell him.

I was that guy, and quiet frankly, it's too much.

Once children come along, some thought should've been given to reducing gaming time so there was time for interaction with the children etc.

Do most people watch TV until 1am?! I would be incredibly pissed off if DH rocked up at 8pm because he'd been gaming instead of working.

I mean if you go to bed a 9pm I don't see the problem. He does that to wind down instead of TV like probably most other people do. However, it is a bit child like like he hasn't really grown up. And he shouldn't be gaming instead of working, that's quite sad.

I game in the evening for an hour once DC is asleep. If your dh didn't game for at least 2 hours during supposed 'work' time then he could finish at 4 or 5pm instead of 8pm.

It would annoy me too as he is clearly "at work" longer than he needs to be and when he is "off work" also at home but absorbed in his own thing to the exclusion of you. Half an hour of walking a day is not enough exercise, so I can see why you are worried. Can you reach a compromise where you do something together a few nights a week or he goes out and gets she exercise some nights and you do other times.

Fair enough! It sounds like it's the daytime gaming (and subsequent impact on your early evening) that's the problem, then. Could you try to mix up your routine so that there is something you do as a family at a certain time (and then if he's still working, having frittered away time gaming, you can challenge him on that?)