DH has brought a kitten home, I’m so upset 🙁

DH did this to us as well. He's wanted a cat for a long time, but none of the rest of us did, and I assumed it was all forgotten. But he brought a kitten home a few months ago, completely unannounced, and my eldest son in particular was very upset. I was too in that I knew for a fact it would upset him, but that his dad went ahead and did it anyway. The thing is, I love the bloody thing now, despite a nasty dose of diarrhoea last week when I was also ill and it was the last thing I needed. The mess and the smell 😨Youngest also loves him, so I am in a difficult position where I can't ask DH to rehome this cat now as DS13 wouldn't want that, however DS17 is just having to put up with it. We haven't put our Christmas tree up and I know this is making him sad, on top of other teenage problems. It's just all wrong, DH should never have done it. Neither should yours. But what the solution is, I have no idea, sorry OP.

Then you need to re home the kitten. Otherwise you risk your older cats being very unhappy and stressed, which may be hard to undo. It’s really not fair on them and I know you don’t want to upset your existing cats

A well known vet ( written many cat and dog books for pet owners ) had a completely cat proofed garden- He had 6 cats at one time and being a vet clearly knew the dangers of roads to cats and dogs.
His garden ( Nice area of London) was completely cat proofed So they couldn’t get out- or other cats get in.

You can say no.

I'd be absolutely furious.
He's got the two cats that he wanted, even though you were not keen. Bringing home another is a total piss take and really selfish.
I'm sure the other cats will eventually settle (although that's not a given, some never do from experience) however I'd be asking him to rehome.

Total rubbish

This was so immature of him to do. I feel very sorry for all 3 cats, and for you bearing the guilt of the new one settling in.

My cats are classed as indoor cats by vet and insurance. You have your opinion and I have mine. Maybe if you picked up as many dead cats as I do then you wouldn’t be so against keeping cats safe. I have had to break little kids hearts one too many times to ever let my cats be ‘outdoor’ cats.

It is well known that indoor only cats are stressed, anxious and bored.

He's a complete twat to do this when you have said you are against it.

I'd ask him to rehome the kitten asap.

Idiot. Xmas is the worst time to introduce a new pet to a household.

Cat proofed gardens are not indoors.

We have a 2 year old cat. Just got 2 kittens and the first week there was hissing, hiding and glaring. They now play all together, sleep and eat together. They play fight. Older one is a bit too rough and a lot bigger so sometimes I have to cut it short. But it does get better r

Try feeding them all together at the same time

This is bound through be the reason.
But cats ( and dogs) choose their people.

We had a lovely Whippet boy who within minutes Of arriving decided son was to be his human-
I barely got a look in!

Can you get some Feliway? It can really help in situations like this. And keeping the kitten separate for a while. But I think it is a problem to have said no to your DH and him doing it anyway.

It isn’t a great time for a new pet, no. And he shouldn’t have done it without a discussion first, obvs. But it’s not the end of the world - it’s highly likely the cats will come round, they just need a bit of time to adjust. (I have had many cats and kittens and introduced many into the family over the years and with time and patience it’s always worked out fine).

I sent him a lot of your comments and he said if I feel like that he will get rid of her, but I feel awful now, it's not her fault I've got a knob of a DH!

will get rid of her is so manipulative. This is a horrible way to go on - to get another cat without discussing it with you first, like your opinion doesn't count - then using emotive language to make you feel bad, like you're the one behaving disrespectfully and thoughtlessly (towards the cats).

They might not ever accept the newcomer and she would have to live her life being bullied (which cats can do without humans being aware of it), they are animals which use dominance to keep other household cats submissive to them. It's not always happy families and best buddies.

I would be livid that he has planned and done this and livid that he is trying to make you the baddie in this scenario.

what are you going to do about your marriage?

The cats will behave like this at the beginning and it should settle down within a few days. I recently introduced a 4th kitten to my group of three and it was fine within a week. (Hissing and spitting at first) but it was very well thought out, discussed with everyone involved and we thought about the personality of the cats and the personality of the kitten and whether they would match up.
It is absolutely not on for your DH to bring a kitten home without discussion with and agreement of everyone in the household and also just to choose a random kitten without thinking aout the temperaments of the current cats.
And then it seems like he has waltzed off and isn't doing the things needed to make the integration smooth - it's you who is on here asking about it and you who is worrying about having left a door open rather than keeping the kitten in one room.
I would be really really annoyed if it was me and I absolutely adore cats.
I don't know if I'd return the kitten though, maybe see how it goes over a week or so but he should be the one dealing with the settling in process.

You're being insanely unreasonable, the cats will get used to it, it takes a few days, cats are the easiest ever pet. I'd have a dozen cats if I could....

My friend works at RSPCA as a receptionist, she hates it boxing day onwards because of the number of animals that are literally dumped outside the building, tied up, boxed up [small animals and cats/kittens, or just dogs wandering around.

Please everyone…never rehome a pet at Christmas!

Why? So peeps living in flats shouldn't have a cat by your reasoning, may not a dog either.
Cats roam, they get into fights, find 'new' homes, go missing and sometimes are injured or killed in road accidents.
OP is doing the right thing with hers but it's her husband who is being a complete knob. I'd keep the cats and get rid of him.

It's not about having something in the house for himself, which I absolutely agree with.
It's about the disrespect and lack of communication, taking for granted the OP will just get on with it, after she categorically said NO.

Nope it is like having another child having another pet is a joint decision and not having overules having in these instances. Because equal rights cannot be had when one wants and another doesnt

plus like any further addition to the family works needs to be done and the OP makes it clear he won’t do the work and will expect her too

she has already compromised on 2 cats she doesn’t need to a 3rd