My partner was "bullying" his 17 year old coworkers boyfriend "for fun" it's freaked me out beyond belief

If anyone on here has a 17 year old daughter who has had a work Xmas party recently please check in with her. Hopefully her mum might be on here and encourage her to take this further.

Same goes for an 18 year old son who has been to his gf works do.

Eurgh. And he came home bragging about it expecting a pat on the back. I'm in my 30's & couldnt imagine speaking to an 18 year old like that.

It sounds like the 18 year old handled it really well. I hope someone has reported your partner, its vile what he has done.

I'd leave my partner over this

Incredibly weird and a dealbreaker for me. Not just because it’s so odd and nasty, but also because it reveals a really weird and problematic attitude towards teenagers. This would be it for me.

I was thinking that.

I couldn’t be with a man like this, I just don’t think I could get past him acting like this towards a couple of kids but also a kid he works with.

I’d be thinking about what other nasty things he’s done or said that I don’t know about. The fact he’s so blasé about it & finds it hilarious is worrying. It’s obviously not a new thing if he’s so relaxed about it, and he can so easily get others to go along with him. Nope, it would have to be the end for me. What happens if/when you have kids? Is he going to be the dad that belittles his daughter’s boyfriends? What about their friends, is he going to be bullying them too?

Sadly OP I think he’s shown you who he really is . I think you need to have a long hard think about whether you want to build your life with this person . At 28 you are very young and have a lot of life in front of you to meet someone else or to be miserable if he treats you that way too . It is probably only a matter of time before he treats you that way if he doesn’t already .

Well he is soon likely to be unemployed when she complains to hr about him bringing the company into disrepute.

Your standards need to be a lot higher.

I'd be dumping him ASAP. He's wicked.

This is horrible. My first thought as well was he fancies the girl and he was trying to show off and possibly cause a rift between them. Nasty behaviour, did he feel like the big man picking on teenagers? Weird.

Awful behaviour. And how on earth did he bring this to you? Sounds like he was pleased with himself and thought it sounded funny/interesting/normal.

He is horrible.

Big brave "man", until he's confronted by real men I bet ...bastard!

I keep coming back to this thread. Report him. Just send an anonymous email if need be.

I don't believe in karma but I hope he gets erectile problems

Do not ignore the red flag!

That was my first thought too, OP. He fancies the 17 year old and wanted to act like the big man. Lots of red flags here.

What a disgusting little man your partner is, he’d be an ex partner to me as there’s no way that piece of shit would be in my bed!

I hope the young lady reports him to management, they were on a works night out and it’s standard to expect the same behavior and policies as when in work!

I also hope she or her boyfriend have a dad or brother who comes to have words with your utter prick of a partner.

He's vile, and wierd....what kind of 28 year old thinks it's appropriate to say such things to anybody, let alone a 17 year old?

I feel so upset for this young couple. Your (hopefully ex) bf's behaviour is repulsive, and he is thick as mince to think that you would have just laughed along with it.

As a Mum to similar aged DC it is really distressing to think of what they both went through, and I hope one or both of their parents steps in and reports him to HR on their behalf (or as a pp so eloquently said, ensures they will be shitting their own teeth over Christmas).

I would also be contacting the 17 yo if you can to show solidarity and say how revolted you were to hear of his actions.

And naturally, it is a no brainer, LTB.

In fact, I'd go as far as to say...

I would not only leave him immediately but I'd find his young female colleague, express solidarity and reassure her this was unacceptable, she should speak to HR if there is one and her attacker has lost his long term gf over it... and you hope that goes someway to reducing the distress she must be feeling over this experience. I'd ask her to tell her boyfriend he did not deserve it and this man is a nasty bully who has got his comeuppance (You've binned him).

Imagine being her waking up today and trying to face going into work. 😭

He sounds very immature. Are you sure he's 28?

I'm raising my kids with the lesson that for something to be fun it has to be fun for everyone involved. If something is upsetting another then it isn't fun....
My DH is all on board with that idea...

If you try to raise children with this person you will know that lurking deep below the surface is a character for whom that principle goes out of the window if he feels justified/motivated in his attack disguised as joking.

He tore someone apart who came out for a nice social time. God knows what that has done to those two poor young kids, I bet it will cast a long and horrible shadow.

I couldn't even look at him again.

Yes agreed.
one of my exs did exactly this

when I was in a vulnerable position he turned the behaviour on me

Your partner deserves to lose his job for that.

I think your DP is an absolute bastard for doing that and goading others to copy him. What an odious little man. Complete bully who gets a kick from making himself better by belittling others - dickhead. I hate these types of people.

There are loads of experts that say if you want to see what a person is really like, watch how they treat people who are a 'lower status' to them - could be a waiter in a restaurant, could be a cleaner, could be someone who works for them, could be a younger less experienced person.
How they treat people who they don't 'have' to be nice /civil to is telling you who they are.

Your DP is a coward and a bully. Huge red flag. I would not want not someone in my friendship group who treated people like that, let alone go out with them.

Yes, this was the first thought that came to me - he fancies the girl.

All of the above. I also think he should go and apologise to the boy (he won't, obvs) who is at a vulnerable age. This sort of thing could destroy his confidence.
Could be a matter for HR too.
Cruel and actually pretty twisted.

That's truly awful behaviour. I wouldn't even try to figure out if it's coming from a place of jealousy (secretly fancying the coworker) or not, OP, it's just not worth trying to figure out.

Is it early enough in the relationship to cut ties? I rarely hit the LTB button, but this is pretty bad and it may be easier for you to end it now.