Partners autistic son

Sometimes I read threads on here and I want to reach into the screen and give the OP a good shake. This is one of them.

OP, this isn't the man for you. He has no career. He leaches off you. He is unsupportive during difficult times. He'd rather smoke weed and play Xbox. He has no idea about how to properly parent his child.

Think for a moment about a future with him. He won't be working properly, if at all. He will move in and become a cocklodger. You'll be worn down from having to support two adults and at least three kids. No doubt he won't help much with life admin or housework. Is this the life you want for yourself and any future child?

The best advice I can give, which will probably fall on deaf ears, is to get rid of this loser and find someone who respects you, respects himself, and knows how to adult. I'm really sorry you've experienced baby loss, but I hope you have the sense to not get pregnant to this man again.

Do not bring another child into this family.

I have an autistic son. He is hard work and has ASD with complex needs so really difficult. It’s not normal. As a parent of a kid with ASD it’s unrelenting work. My son struggled to sleep we had him on melatonin and regular bed times. He hated school owe fought to get him 1:1 support but moreover we taught him most of what he learnt at home before and after school. He was deaf at aged 5 in 80 decibels - I taught him to read through his skull. He had discipline and more discipline eg lots of regular exercise and a complete timetable of school and activities. Also we did his therapy eg for language or motor.

Your partner is a disgrace and pathetic. He’s not helping his son he’s hindering him, My son despite having severe needs not just ASD has a place at university and is now academically ok.

Don’t get pregnant again with this man I beg you.

This man does not need another chil. Quit while you are ahead.

From your last thread, OP:

“once the kids went back to London Monday his abuse turned horrendous. Threatening me if I think I’m ever moving on and meeting anyone else he will have blood run through the streets of Liverpool. No man will ever be around his child. None of my friends had better go to any apps over my pregnancy cos he will turn up and batter her etc. I begged him to stop as it was making me ill. Thursday came and I started bleeding very heavy so got taken back to hospital, I was told it was likely i was losing the baby and had to go back Monday…The next morning after he left I began having horrendous pain and passing clots so I rang him scared asking him to please come back and help me as I was losing the baby, his exact words where “I’m going to London to pick my son up what do u want me to do about it. If your that bad ring a anbulance”. Left me losing the baby on my own on the bathroom floor.”

Get away from this man and call social services to make a report about the children - that’s really the only meaningful thing you can do for them.

What else is there for anyone here to say?

OP, your future with this man will be hell on earth. Try to stop worrying about the children, you can’t help them. It’s not his ex who is the problem. If you don’t leave, the rest of your life will be miserable. As another poster has said, Autism is genetic and you are likely to also have an autistic child. My children are autistic too, I love the bones of them but my god it’s hard. You will not have the support you need from this man. Please, you need some counselling to see why you think this is a relationship worth saving.

YANBU for disliking the situation but YABU for allowing it to continue. You need to put an end to this relationship now, and find someone else to start a family with. This is not the man for you and lovely as he may be, he’s not a good parent (and with all the shouting, not so lovely either if you ask me) Cut your losses and find someone decent - they are out there if you are willing to look!

Just read your updates. Your dating a man who has no job, no money who does cash in hand stuff and sits smoking weed playing Xbox and has 3 kids already who he’s not able to provide for honestly give your head a wobble. Please please set your standards higher

I’m so sorry for your loss, but please don’t try to have a child with this man he sounds like an awful father. Children particularly autistic children need routine and good parenting. Keeping him off school is neglectful and illegal. Letting him stay up playing x box - what benefit is that? He is not a good dad he sounds awful. I presume he doesn’t work if he’s had son for 5 weeks. Please @Dinero86 ser your bar higher.

How much of what you are seeing is autism and how much is that the kid has no rules, boundaries or routine whatsoever?

OP, like so many others on here, we can all see you sleep walking into and absolute shitshow with this man.

He's moved away from his children. You don't need to know anything else but he is just one massive walking red flag.

He’s taking the piss, and the longer you put up with it the more of a mug you become.
Lots of people here telling you to dump him and you’ve complained about him before.

Just get rid of him.

No. Just no. Please do NOT have a baby with this man.

Firstly OP, why, why, why are you involved in this?

I'm confused though,

*how and why does a man with no job/money afford to relocate to his own place, hours away from his children?

*how does his mother (with 8 children!) or his father (with no job/money) get their autistic 5 year old child to Liverpool? He isn't travelling alone.

*how could the child attend school while in Liverpool anyway? Your posts read as though he lives elsewhere. You said he's been 'down' for 5 weeks now. Where does he live with his mother?

*why has there been no investigation from authorities about why he isn't in school?

So, many questions.......

The strain on your relationship is that it is dysfunctional. Why are you trying to bring more babies into this awful situation? You barely know the man when it's only been a year of long distance, you aren't even ready to live together, he's not able to fund himself, there are a raft of children dotted around not getting enough effective care... just stop! Find someone who is light and fun, spend time getting to know each other until you feel sure you're ready to live out your lives together, then spend time actually living together to ensure it works... only then should you be thinking about having more children.

No you don't need to learn, it's not your responsibility, this is someone else's life and their accountability towards their child. Not for you to be involved.

That’s just the type of person I am I could never see the kid starve or not have nice experiences/trips and I know he hasn’t got a penny to his name cos he hasn’t been to work, he only does bits and bobs for his friend cash in hand but hasn’t even done that cos his son is down.

he really saw you coming! He is the one who brought this child into the world, it's for him to provide for the child. You've already acknowledged that this arrangement is affecting your life, and yet here you are saying you're "the kind of person" to finance someone else's child.

step away and do the right thing for everyone, you don't need to rescue other people' situations that they brought on themselves

Working on your boundaries would be a much better investment of your time.

• bad father
• doesnt work
• smokes weed all the time
• shiuts at you

why on earth would you go out with this man let alone procreate with him??

get rid. You can clearly do so much better!

he isn’t even going to work whilst his son is down, so I am left paying for everything for them both as he doesn’t have a penny to his name. Whilst they sit up on Xbox until early hours of the morning and chill all day

So he misses work and his son misses school for weeks on end for them to play Xbox until past midnight?!! He doesn’t even sound like an adult - this is how I imagine a young teenager might look after a 5 year old.

Think twice before having a child with him because if you break up he will be entitled to time with that child and you’ll have no say in what happens in that time. You’ll be sending more children into chaos. Find someone else

Firstly, don’t get into a relationship with a man who has children if you’re not okay with being second place.

Secondly, I think you’re unreasonable in your judgement of the kids mum. I imagine with 8 children she’s really struggling, especially when the father of 3 of them decides to piss off halfway across the country! You’ve got a lot to say about her, but if your partner was happy to jump back into bed with her she can’t be all bad?

Finally, why are you even considering having children with this man? Abandoning his children for a woman aside, you don’t like his parenting style, he isn’t able to help you provide for a child financially as he’d rather spend money on weed than food for his son (unless you’re paying for that too?) and honestly just sounds like a waste of space. The ONLY thing it sounds like he is doing right is spending time with his son and you have an issue with that. Whilst I don’t agree with letting the child stay up all night etc. you clearly don’t have much experience with autism so it’s easy for you to judge.

To be blunt, you sound quite immature. If you were really concerned about the welfare of his children why wouldn’t the 2 of you be looking into gaining custody? I really don’t think you having a child is going to make this man suddenly become a responsible person. I think you will be left taking care of a baby alone while his life stays exactly the same. Maybe you’ll be slightly less judgemental of the mum when you realise how tough it is at least.

Not read all messages to be honest. However, what do you actually get that is positive from this weed smoking excuse for a dad?
If you were my daughter I would be horrified for you. You can do so much better. You sound lovely and caring but save it for someone who deserves you.
Also sorry you are having an awful time without support, take a big step back now and focus on your own well being and ditch the user.

It really does sound unreal.
As PP have said, like an episode of Jeremy Kyle.
Probably his weed smoking won't have helped the quality of the sperm, either.

Weed smoking in men increases miscarriage risk in women @Dinero86

www.bu.edu/articles/2019/marijuana-use-and-miscarriage-risk/

And she will be unavoidably part of your life if you continue with this relationship. Seriously, get unentangled with the whole dysfunctional lot of them.

It sounds appalling.

Why get pregnant with a loser like this AND have a large reactive dog?

Sounds a dangerous situation for any child to be around.

Dear God, this man is a loser.

Please, please raise your bar.

He's a sponger, he sounds insufferable.

Get a high quality man without ties and choose wisely,

This is definitely NOT father material, he sounds very un~boundaried and is a weak father to this child, and will be to any you have.

You do not need this situation. I am appalled to think you became pregnant with this man when he hardly works and cannot parent this particular child. Please make sure you do not become pregnant again! You do not even live with him, he's a part-time partner and taking advantage of your generous spirit.

You will love again, next time hopefully someone who is childless, who works and will put you first a lot of the time.