Partners autistic son

He's a terrible father who priorities his dick over his three children. Autistic children do not cope well with change and this is a major change for his children. His actions scream of guilt and perhaps laziness in letting the 5 year old do what he wants, which is not to the child's benefit at all!

This is not a man who needs to bring any further children into the world!

Just a huge huge no to all of this! This is not the relationship for you - or anyone. It’s not the son that is the problem, it’s his unbelievably useless dad. That child is being failed by awful parenting. Don’t be a part of that

After your last update I'm even more baffled as to why you want to be with him I genuinely can't see one redeeming feature. You go on about the mum not working but neither does he and as you say he has no money yet he finds money to smoke weed all day.

I’m so sorry for your loss but you need to think really carefully about whether to bring a new baby into this situation because it sounds like you will basically be parenting alone.

So this is the man you are choosing to have babies with after you've seen how he parents ???

I also have a Nd child ,my school would have Ss at my door if he was absent for this long i don't understand how this has not happened. It genuinely sounds like your partner and his mother need some parenting support /intervention and there is alot of help available .
Your partner however has been very unfair to you and this is not your problem to deal . I am so sorry For the loss of your baby concentrate on yourself and tell your partner that you can no longer financially support his lifestyle because you are taking some time off to heal ❤

That was uncalled for. The child is autistic, not feral.

Also people like him should be sterilised to stop them from bringing more ferel children into the world.

Not so, OP. Cells from your baby remain in your body forever, and when you are sick they will try to heal you. Regardless of how brief the pregnancy. You will have a part of your little one inside you for the rest of your life - don't let you (and them) be treated this way. Build a lovely life for yourself. Realise your worth and accept nothing less. A man that smokes weed and plays Xbox all day and night? No. Come on now. Let those scales fall from your eyes, see this man clearly. You can do it xx

I'm a parent to 2 autistic children, one of which is now an adult.

He’s not majorly autistic but he is on the spectrum.

He is 100% autistic.

Now as much as my partner is a good dad I do feel he doesn’t have ANY boundaries in place for his son.

He's not a good dad. It's very clear from your other posts that he's an absolutely terrible dad. He's moved to the other end of the country, leaving his kids behind with a mother who you say is neglecting them. Well so is he.

His son comes to visit and will cry to not go home, so he lets him stay and miss school no problem.

Completely normal for an autistic child of that age whose dad has left him. Absolutely shit parenting to let him miss school.

His son follows him everywhere and goes everywhere with him.

Very normal behaviour for an autistic 5 year old.

My partner has his own place and so do I, so when his son is down I basically don’t get to see my partner and his son refuses to sleep alone so wants to co sleep in his dads arms all night.*

Completely normal for an autistic child. My DS is almost 12 and still sleeps with me. My dear friend has the same with her autistic 13 year old.

He also sits up til all hours playing on the Xbox with no routine.

Absolutely not acceptable at all. For any child. But autistic children need routine and structure even more than NT children. The world is a swirly mass of chaos and overload. As parents we have to create extremely strong routines to hold them up amid all the noise.

As much as I do love his son and will do anything for him I’m really struggling with the concept of not having any time alone with my partner, I had no support in my pregnancy, I lost my baby alone and even now in my greif I can’t even sit and talk to my partner without “dad, dad, dad”.

Sorry for your loss and the lack of support you've had, but this is normal with an autistic child.

Run for the hills.
Your boyfriend is a useless, crap parent.

The crazy thing is you putting up with this crap!
He's a real Prince isn’t he…
Sits at home smoking weed and playing on the Xbox while you replace clothes and football boots…
Please get rid of this man today. He is using you because he can. He can see you are willing to pay out for him and his child so he can diss about and do nothing. How can he afford to buy weed if he has no money? He is a user. He can’t even support you to grieve for your baby.
Get rid of him. He won’t parent his child and he won’t change. You don’t deserve to be with someone who has such poor regard for you.
If you stay with this man you will regret it. And don’t let him move in with you.

Still way to early to move in together much less have a child of your own.

It sounds like he needs to be a better parent to the kids he's got.

I don’t think being with a man who already has kids is for you OP. And that’s okay, but you need to knock this on the head now and get out. Your BF sounds like a waste of space i dont know why you have ever considered having a baby with him when he can’t even look after the kids he’s got.

It will never work. You’ll either be the one who disrupts his relationship with his son or, more likely, always be feeling as you do now. He might be a great person but this isn’t the relationship for you.

He saw you coming, didn’t he ?

my partner just sits smoking weed on Xbox! It’s so fustrating to watch

Don’t watch it then. Split up with him and work very hard on building up some self-respect.

Do not have sex with him, do not have a baby with him and find a partner with (as a bare minimum) a job and no weed habit that gives a shit about you.

Im sorry for your loss. Now with respect, ive just read your last post and cant understand why you have done a 2nd post because you clearly are not taking any of the advice. You should get rid of this man asap but you wont because he is related to the baby you lost. He didnt even care about the baby you lost!
Get some self respect and choose a better life ( because there is one) without this loser.

I don't care what people say to this, but send him this thread to read. That boy is being neglected, and he is being let down by both parents. Worst comes to worst, call Social Services. The mother should have her kids taken away or at least support from SS.

This!! I see the OP has ignored all the posts pointing out that this bloke is a work shy druggy cocklodger and terrible father who she shouldn’t be touching with a bargepole and instead has focused on assuring us that his ex is a terrible person and discussing the lack of boundaries with his 5 year old. It’s not a lack of boundaries, it’s not giving the faintest fuck about parenting his child. Boundaries require effort and he clearly can’t be arsed with anything requiring effort. He’s clearly an arsehole of the highest order.

obviously you should bin him off OP & of course you shouldn’t have a child with him. Honestly he sounds so bloody awful I’m amazed your vag hasn’t clamped shut of its own accord

however I very much doubt you’re going to listen

Yes, you say he doesn't live with you so tell him to go home. Why do you think you are obliged to pay for clothes for a child that isn't yours. His dad would rather spend money on weed than shoes for his own child. Never waste time with a druggie or unemployed men.

From your previous thread OP:

"I’m fully aware my relationship was a shit show, believe me"

What the fuck else do you need to know?

Would you please come back and let us know that you have ended the "shit show" so we can stop banging our heads against the wall.

This. It will fall on deaf ears, though. I’d put money on OP being pregnant within a year. And forever shackled to this unemployed, abusive, cocklodging, pot smoking, XBox playing, shit father. She’ll only realise once it’s too late, when she’s in labour on her own at the hospital because he CBA, then fully financially supporting him whilst she’s on maternity leave.

i think you struggle with boundaries too. You can do so much better than this relationship wise. I think you should do the freedom programme.

The co-sleeping is fairly normal, my DC are NT and we co-slept for years. All 16 plus now and definitely don’t want to co-sleep now.

The rest is shocking. This child needs to be in school. The dad needs to consider taking permanent custody and getting him in school, as sounds like the mother is a waste of space. He can work when the child is in school / wrap around care like most parents do. Why are you enabling him like this? Are you paying his rent? Do not get wrapped up in this. This guy needs a bit boot up the backside, but i’d be booting him out of my life.