Partners autistic son

That’s just the type of person I am I could never see the kid starve or not have nice experiences/trips and I know he hasn’t got a penny to his name cos he hasn’t been to work.
But it always seems to be me paying everything, feeding him, replacing clothes or football boots etc. my partner just sits smoking weed on Xbox!

Fucks sake, stop it! If they are being neglected because of their awful parents report them to social services. NOT put a sticking plaster over this shit show with “nice experiences”

Any decent mother would have came down and collected the child

And if he was a decent father he would’ve stayed living local to his children, not move to the other end of the country to be with a new girlfriend and suggest they have babies. He’d also get a job rather than smoke weed and game all day, whilst keeping his child off school and not safeguarding his other 2 kids from their supposedly awful mother.

she has never worked a day in her life and had 8 children which she can’t look after and the kids beg to live with me, teeth rotting out their heads, unwashed and stinking when they come down and I have to go out and buy all new clothes etc

Yet this prince of a boyfriend is just as bad with his employment history, and also decided to have 3 kids with this woman! And you do NOT have to buy them clothes. If you had any sense you’d dump him and report the 2 of them to social services. If she’s so bad why haven’t you reported her eh?!

I appreciate you’re upset about your miscarriage but I’m not going to say sorry. All I’m sorry about is that you actually thought it was OK to bring a child into this carnage, and it’s a bloody good thing that’s not happening now (until you have another totally irresponsible contraception failure). Someone mentioned you’re 38. If that’s true this is even more shocking as you’re old enough to know better. Sort your shit out OP. Talking Therapies is available free on the NHS and you fucking need therapy.

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

You are really vulnerable to being taken advantage of. Love isn’t enough- he doesn’t love you back to leave you alone like he has and to treat you the way he has. Please get some help and counselling. See your GP, go to woman’s aid. Please don’t have a child with this man.

I have an autistic 8 year old. I don't think the autism is particularly relevant here, except to the extent that a routine, good sleep and a calm living environment are vitally important to this LO, and his needs are not being met.

The problem is this man is a selfish prick and a crap dad. In your shoes, I would take all necessary precautions not to get pregnant again, call SS and then run for the hills.

So he's about to be evicted? there's no point saying don't let him move in with you as he'll probably move in by stealth anyway. May as well sit down and give him all your spare cash now,

@Dinero86 If you care at all for this 5 year old boy you should call Social Services right now. This poor little boy is being neglected and his needs are not met by his lazy potsmoking father.

And you want to put another child of his into the world? Are you for real? I can't even feel sorry for you because that's just so selfish and stupid. Why would you give him the opportunity to fuck up another kid? Take a random bloke off the street to have a kid with and it's 99% sure he will be better father materiel than this lazy asshole.

Every time you post there is something additional that screams 'run!'. You have a 'partner' who shows no concern for you, lives off you, takes drugs around his child and cannot parent that child. Surely an eternity being single would be better than this, and that is hardly the only option for you. Clearly you have a lot of empathy, but you need to apply some of it to yourself.

Sorry but this is not the man for you. You need to let him go and look elsewhere. He may or may not be a good man (sounded ok in the OP. Less so in further posts) but your lives are not compatible.

I'm sorry you don't have a family - it's one of the things he noticed. You have a home. Money. The desperate urge to see the best and nurture and save. And a complete lack of a support network and next to fill that gap.

You don't pick these men. They pick you.

The best thing you can do to help these children is find out where they live, where they go to school (if they do and if he even knows), and inform the school and local social services that here is a case of neglect and that these children need help.

And step back. Buying them stuff will not help. It's amateur thinking and these children need professional help.

Please don't bring a new child into this.

This is not the man for you, OP.

I am sorry for the loss of your baby. This man will not help you heal, as you already know.

@MyPithyPoster is right. Men like this target women without a strong support network, systematically cutting them off from the few people they do have in their lives, so that they can manipulate them. It is not your responsibility to parent this manchild or his children. Cut your losses, don't look back and live the life you deserve.

As this poster said @Dinero86 he is a piece of work.

Harden your heart !

@Dinero86 he’s got you completely fooled. He’s a c*cklodger!

Yes, I thought as much. You’ve literally been targeted by this man.
It’s textbook stuff, you need to reach out for some support. Speak to women’s aid. There is an online course. I believe called the freedom program that will help you to make better choices in the future.
But yes, I absolutely knew it would be the case that you would not have a mother or a father in your corner fighting for you.

You can have a wonderful life and your next baby can be loved cherished and brought up in a wonderful environment with the best of Everything but the only person who can make that decision for your unborn future baby. Is you.

OP, people on here can agree with you that he's not parenting his kids properly (even if he's a well meaning person). And that he's never going to be able to give you (or any future kids with you) much in the way of time or money.

But people on here cannot change him for you, and he is unlikely to change, and his situation is unlikely to change.

I would absolutely not be having kids with a man in his situation, even if he is a nice person underneath it all.

It’s that word ‘sweet’ again. Honestly in my almost 60 years on this planet I’ve never heard a grown adult man referred to as sweet and then I joined this website and it seems to be the absolutely standard way victims on here describe their abusers. It’s like part of a script. It’s repeated like a mantra ‘but he’s soooooooo sweet’ No he really fucking isn’t. And it’s textbook for an abusive cunt to put on an act to reel you in. If he showed his true colours from day one, you’d run a mile.

OP this man doesn’t love respect or like you, he treats you like shit, cheats on you and scrounges - what is there to love? Hes a useless waste of space scumbag - what will it take for you to wake the fuck up? He saw you coming

It makes you THINK? Oh COME ON @Dinero86 !

You are in danger of being an absolute caricature of one of those "naaaah but i loooooove him" women.

I'm another one that hopes this is a windup.

Seriously, get some self-respect, and get rid of him. And if the eight children - is he father to all 8? - are living in the conditions you say, ring social services and report the neglect.

Okay, I’ll put it another way. Where are your family? What do they make of this situation?

I’m so fascinated by how you talk about this vile woman vs the partner you love
when they’re both the same, if anything she is better because she at least gets the kids to school. Like i can’t even tell if you’re trolling it’s so mad how you phrase things.
he’s clearly so awful and so stupid, you think you’re helping the children but you’re just enabling them to continue to be neglected and abused, and you want to add another to the mix. It’s horrendous.
I hope you see the light, call SS on the parents so someone is looking out for those children and get yourself away from that man