Partners autistic son

Why do you want to spend your life with a lazy, work shy, Xbox addict, drug user who's got 3 kids with a vile women of limited intelligence who has 8 children in total. That's one hell of a list of negatives and I'm struggling to find any possible reason why you could be "in love" with this man, or worse still want his baby.

I own my home, I drive a nice car, I have a business making enough money to support a child I’m hardly irresponsible or unable to take care of a child!

if all of that is true, why would you want an unemployed mentally unstable drug abusers baby?

It actually sounds like a soap opera.

Absolute spot on my stepsister is a kinship guardian for her nieces two children.
The kids literally can’t put 1 foot in front of the other. They’re so broken it’s terrible.
But she saw that in the first kid (and knew she would have the 2nd removed at birth) and then went on to have a second, it’s actual cruelty.

You’re in a very unique position here OP. In that you can see what you’re going to potentially produce before you do so.
Don’t make your life difficult, don’t create a child that’s gonna spend its life in an out of hospital, doctors, psychologists, special education units. Where’s the joy in that? How is that? A nice life for you? Never mind the potential baby.

I know you’re not listening to us
And you probably think we know nothing.
I was a single parent, but I was a single parent with a good looking intelligent man as the children’s father who paid me over a grand in child-support every month. I was able to work part time, be there for every school run. Build up my own business, buy my own houses create a secure environment.
My kids have wanted for nothing.
I just bought my 24 year old a car soshe can take her preferred job rather than one she can easily get to.
I pay their rent/bills at uni
There has literally never been an occasion where I’ve said no to them because I can’t.
I have said no to them because I don’t want a 2nd bloody dog in the house, but you get the point I’m sure.

indirect contrast my friend had three children with somebody who was earning minimum wage. Smoked weed. Braindead.
The kids live in absolute poverty. If I don’t hand it down to her son he doesn’t get it. The girls wear boys pyjamas that have been on my son her son before they even reach them.
The children have so much physically and mentally wrong with them.
They have specialist diets that cost her an absolute fortune which then takes away resources from every other aspect of their lives. Theyve never been on a holiday at the age of 10.
Don’t sign up for that on purpose.

Her response was absolutely spot on actually. The more you defend him the more ridiculous you sound I wasn't aware of your age but now I'm even more baffled at your stupidity

I agree, that post was disgusting. Celebrating the death of somebody else’s unborn child is a new low for mumsnet.

With regards to your boyfriend, I understand it’s hard to leave because of making you feel so loved. But it was lovebombing and was never real in the first place.

From now on, he will occasionally lovebomb you to give you false hope that things will return to the early glory days of your relationship.

He will do this just enough to prevent you from leaving, then will go cold, which will give you withdrawal symptoms for his love and make you need and crave him even more.

He will blame the times he is cold or mean to you on “mental health” to make you think if you love him even more he will get better.

This is how all abusers work, it’s textbook. Make no mistake, it’s deliberate, though he will never admit it.

Please recognise that his manipulation of your emotions is not what love is.

Well this is all rather unedifying. What the hell would any sane person see in this waste of skin? Truly baffling. 🤔

do love this man but he is unwilling to listen or anything. Ontop of is he isn’t even going to work whilst his son is down, so I am left paying for everything for them both as he doesn’t have a penny to his name.

This might be the wake up sign that you need, to really ask yourself why you feel you love someone who does not make you a priority in their life, someone who treats you so badly, who does make

I am very sorry for your miscarriage. Please, start looking after yourself and being kind to yourself. Don't waste your love on these people who have no concept of loving you back.

It will be a short term wrench then you will find yourself wondering how on earth you put up with this for so long. Only give your love to someone who loves you back.

If you want to have a baby on your own and be a single mum like you say upthread, fair play. In that case, I would urge you to reconsider the genes of the person you currently have in mind. Personally, I would go for someone with:

• high intelligence
• strong work ethic
• no substance abuse addictions (these are hereditary)

I would also be concerned about the fact that autism is hereditary, and would question whether I might struggle to cope as a single mum with an autistic child, bearing in mind that single mums don’t get time off, particularly as you say that you have no family.

Is this sort of relationship you want your child to grow up in?

I feel sorry for all children involved in this mess. You are choosing to stay in this situation, but those poor kids didn't choose this.

@Dinero86 so you were planning on keeping the baby, siting you could afford to go alone, yet ignoring the fact you'd be tied to this loser for the next 18 years? What if he wanted access? He's shown himself to be a poor parent, so continuing the pregnancy would've been irresponsible. And I don't care that he has poor mental health or that other women do irresponsible things, you are responsible for your actions and for any child you bring into this.

You don't like the replies you've got. That's understandable, the harsh truth hurts. So what's your plan? Are you staying with him? Getting therapy?

@Dinero86 I’m sorry you are having such a rough time. Leaving a bad relationship is difficult and it’s natural to cling on to some scraps of the good stuff from the beginning.

BUT you need to look out for yourself. This guy sadly does not care about you and will always be a weed smoking dosser who can’t parent adequately. Surely you don’t want that for your own life?

Added to that he has made threats and very likely has a long police history.

Get advice on getting away from this safely and please try to understand that the child is not your responsibility.

You sound so competent, you’ll look back one day and either be glad you got away or very very sorry that you didn’t. A child with him will mean him sponging off you forever. If you want a baby just go it alone. It would be 1000x easier.

It is so much easier for you to leave than it is for most women. You don’t live together, and you are financially independent. The only thing stopping you is how (sorry, there’s no gentle way to say this) messed up you are mentally and emotionally. Urgent therapy and help from Women’s Aid, OP.

Oh, and you might find yourself wishing to God that social services were useless if you have a baby with a man who uses drugs around his kids, has an violent past, and has been arrested for threatening you. As soon as they wake up to the situation, you’ll be told if you don’t leave him they’ll remove your child.

You seem intent on destroying your life for this man. Have a good think about why that is and do something about it before it’s too late. Your life could be so much better than this.

Sorry but you continue to make excuses not to leave. I agree it isn't easy but you need to have more resolve and determination if not this is your life and that's it.

As the other posters said he will ruin you mentally, emotionally, financially etc and you will look back and wonder why you wasted your life with such a man. And if you have a child with him you will be tied up with him and his messy life.

Again speak to organizations can help you, get therapy to get to the root cause of why you would rather settle for such a useless man that stand you for yourself and get practical advice on how to cut him off. Do something but please don't just sit back and accept it because you don't think you can leave and it's not back and white etc etc etc.

You have every right to ask for advice yes but It's a waste of time because this is not the first thread you have created about this mess of a man and yet you continue to ignore the advice that this is not a relationship worth fighting for and try to make excuse after excuse for him. So yes if you're not planning to take advice then stop wasting people's time.

And she has 8, still a messy shitty situation that you should be running away from.

What from this story makes you feel he will be a good father if you have another child with him?

Has he been able to take care of the 3 he currently has with the so called crazy woman who has 8 kids?

You realize that some mental health issues are hereditary right so the chance your child with him may have autism is high given both him and his older child have mental health illness? How will you both cope with another child who has the same mental health illness that his older child has?

It's called love bombing which is used to suck you in so you turn a blind eyes to all the bloody red flags that are being saved in your face.

And your post confirms that your priority should be working on yourself to build your self worth and self confidence not throwing yourself at a useless man simply because you're lonely short term it will feel great but long term it will not be worth it due to all the pain, drama, stress and shenanigans you have to deal with.

Get yourself into therapy to work through the trauma you are carrying and help you rediscover yourself and put up boundaries. Please do not bring a child into this mess.

Oh OP it sounds like you’ve had a terrible history of bad family and romantic relationships, so you think that any man, especially if he can give you a baby, is better than no man. This just isn’t true. He will completely ruin your life. He’ll drain your finances, and he’ll treat you even more terribly than he is now. That’s why people are suggesting therapy.

Was he arrested because of his actions towards you? Or his ex? Either way if he is capable of violence or threats this will only get worse once he’s moved in and got you pregnant again.

There are sadly lots of little children going hungry and having packet noodles for dinner. You can’t rescue them all. Stick some extra food in the Foodbank collection and be rid of these horrors.

And maybe look into having treatment to have a baby on your own. Sounds like you’d manage just fine, and being a single parent will be WAY better than having this man in your life.

Stop making excuses and get out of this shit show of a relationship.

He has mental health issues yet that hasn't stopped him having 8 children who will bear the brunt of his failures and that's who you decide to then have another child for?

It's obvious you're going to continue to make excuses for him so top wasting people's time here. Make the right choice and walks way or deal with it, simple.

No sensible person with self worth and self respect will get themselves engaged in such a messy situation not to talk of want to bring in an child into such a messy drama filled life.

It sounds like perhaps he LoveBombed you (Google it if it’s a term you’re not familiar with).