Partners autistic son

You dont know what the problems are due to?

Who knows, eh? It's a feckin mystery 😳

Everything you described sounds exactly like love bombing. He is an abusive man, and the fact he was abusive when you were pregnant and left you to face a miscarriage alone shows his true colours.
Think - would you want any children you have with him growing up thinking those behaviours are ok? Would you accept that behaviour from anyone else? If you had a child in the future who came to you to tell you their boyfriend or girlfriend treated them that way what would you do?

Do you have any friends you can reach out to?

Women's aid or local DV charities will be able to support you, even just to go over everything and work towards having the courage go end things. It is good he is not living with you.

How do you plan on saying no to him when he asks?

you’re obviously not safe around this person. You’ve said you have no family, do you have any in person support? I think it sounds like he’s taken advantage of you whilst you’re quite vulnerable. He’s been nice to you for a couple of weeks/months and every now and again he shows you a glimpse of that to keep you on the hook. He mixes that with fear and abuse it sounds like to keep you on your toes and both scared and hopeful. I suppose it’s nicer and easier to imagine he’s a good person deep down and have hope he’ll change (back), rather than think about how he’s awful and a terrible prospect. You do need to let go of that hope though, the sooner you ditch him the sooner you can be with someone that is actually nice to you. You should absolutely find someone to talk to irl to work through this though and get some support if you can because right now it sounds like he will definitely be moving in with you soon and you will continue to pay for everything.

Please OP don’t let him move in even as a stop gap because once he’s in, he’ll be impossible to get rid of.

Why on earth would he move back? You're his meal ticket, Op

What a shit show. Lots of good advice has been given on this thread that’s being ignored by the OP. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink I suppose…

You're right - you're a mug.

Please don't bring a child into this absolute car crash of a life.

I would take this as your sign that this isn't the relationship for you.
His son should always be his first priority regardless of any additional needs. How he chooses to parent his son is up to him (and the mother).
I cannot imagine how hard life is for a 5 year old who being autistic, will have huge issues around change and routine. I expect he's in a heightened state of overwhelm constantly. No wonder he's struggling so much 😞

Out of interest @Dinero86 how did you meet him? He was living in London and you are in Liverpool? How did the relationship start?

You need to think about your child and what kind of father and family they will have. The potential DV and drugs will be awful and the midwives will be worried about your baby and your ability to make good decisions. And this is before baby is even born.
It's interesting that out of all of it, your main concern was that your partner was prioritising his son over you. I think therapy would be helpful for you as your need for love/attention is preventing you from making sensible choices for yourself and being able to meet your babies needs and put them first. It's not fair to bring a baby into this and they deserve more. The most important decision you will ever make is who your baby's father is. It really matters

Said it before and will say it again - no one falls in love faster than a man looking for somewhere to live...
Get shot Op and fast.

OP, please listen to what people are saying - this man is bad news. You can't save his poor kid but you can save yourself from having a child with someone who so clearly cannot and will not look after himself let alone a family. It's awful about the miscarriage and I'm sure that child would have been deeply loved - you must be in so much pain. Maybe he was kind, and maybe he still has moments, but think of how he behaves towards his child - not taking responsibility, not doing the basics of parenting like keeping him in school - is pretty revealing.

I think we all know the answer to that question

So, he’s stopped paying the rent two months ago and is going to be evicted?

Where is he planning to live then?

I would pack them both back with the ex, move and change your number and block all on social media.
That weed smoking man who plays on X box is taking you for a ride. He is lazing about whilst you work and pay everything, he is your problem not his son. He not only has no boundaries to put down on his son and allows him to stay of school for 5 weeks, he has cheated on you with his ex

OP, I feel really sad reading your responses. People are trying to make you see the light and maybe they're not going about it in a softly softly kind of way, but that's because you need to face up to the reality.
Of course he has a "nice side" they all do. Do you think women would fall for men that were horrible 100% of the time? The "nice side" will not be the one to put you in hospital or worse. I have been through an abusive relationship as many women here have. We know it's not easy. But it is essential to your safety that you get as much distance between you and this man as possible.
You don't want to face up to the reality that you have fallen for an abusive, horrible man. But you have. If you don't get away now, it will get harder and harder the more enmeshed your lives become. And you WILL regret it. No doubt about it. He is ruining your life already, it will not get better, only much much worse.

He may have not long turned 5. Until they turn 5 there is less schools can do. They will quickly find they have attendance and social workers on the case unfortunately. (I work in a related field).

If he isn't at school and he's still on the school roll then he's classed as a child missing in education. You need to email the local council where the mum lives and state that the child (full name and dob and address) has not been in school for 5 weeks and isn't being home educated. My 5 year old doesn't even know what an X box is! This actually sounds like neglect to me.

I've just seen this.
Hun he has made absolute beeline for you, because of your mum if dad we're around and being good parents (whatever your age) they would be on your case to get rid.

Please leave him. You sound like you have it together, own home, business. Surround yourself with good people not him. If you have kids with him you will will lose your life to trying to undo the harm he's caused.

If you have a difficult family background (I don't know if that's what you meant, but I did have a difficult family background) you don't quite see how toxic this environment is because your sense of normal is skewed. That's how I ended up with a cunt who treated me and put kids like this for years.

Please don't think any of this is patronising. I have been where you are and want to just scream at you to run 😕

The fact his son is autistic is an absolute red herring here.

You have only been together a year.

He doesn't ensure his son goes to school.
He doesn't do parenting basics like getting him to bed at a reasonable time.

He chose to move to the other end of the country away from his young kids.

He keeps his son from the resident parent who would get him to school etc. I know he's saying he doesn't want to go back but 5 year olds, especially autistic ones, don't like the change of moving round and often say that. It's his responsibility to get him back on time not the ex's job to 'make him'. It's actually very concerning and abusive behaviour that he doesn't return his son at the agreed time.

He uses you for cash when he's doesn't work of he has the excuse of his son being there ( I have 3 autistic children and work full time as does DP, any pretty much all other parents).

YOU NEED TO RUN A MILE.
Categorically don't get pregnant with him again. From his actions towards his existing children I would be surprised if social care aren't involved soon. Do you really want to bring a child into a mess like that?

You sound lovely but quite young and vulnerable. This is the same advice I would give my daughter and that I wish someone had given me before 18 years of my life were destroyed by a dickhead like that...

I might sound old and cynical but after a year together you are not deeply in love having built a life of shared experiences, getting to know all aspects of each others personalities. In any relationship there is still a large element of infatuation rather than a strong meaningful love at this early stage. From your post I don't think you have even lived together? You need to split up. You will feel sad for a bit but also free from all this nonsense, you will soon be in a lot better place.

What do your parents/siblings/close friends think of him?

Yeah, ONLY THREE! Get yer facts straight 🙄

A decent man would t move hours away from his kids, not work, not pay his rent.

Sometimes live isn't enough op

What a complete and utter fucking shambles and unless you wake up to the miserable shit show of a situation you are inflicting upon yourself nothing will change for you. Best of luck to you OP.