So I don’t want to come across like I’m not understanding here, I just need some opinions or advice as I genuinely have no idea about this kind of thing and it’s really putting a strain on my relationship not understanding it.
so my partner is from London and moved down to Liverpool in July (off his own back I never asked for this). He has 3 children, 1 of them being an autistic 5yr old. He’s not majorly autistic but he is on the spectrum. Now as much as my partner is a good dad I do feel he doesn’t have ANY boundaries in place for his son. His son comes to visit and will cry to not go home, so he lets him stay and miss school no problem. His son follows him everywhere and goes everywhere with him. He has currently been down for 5weeks now, hasn’t been to school or anything, in which time I had a difficult pregnancy and miscarriage and had NO support cos again - the son was down and didn’t want to go back to his mums. My partner has his own place and so do I, so when his son is down I basically don’t get to see my partner and his son refuses to sleep alone so wants to co sleep in his dads arms all night. He also sits up til all hours playing on the Xbox with no routine. As much as I do love his son and will do anything for him I’m really struggling with the concept of not having any time alone with my partner, I had no support in my pregnancy, I lost my baby alone and even now in my greif I can’t even sit and talk to my partner without “dad, dad, dad”. Haven’t been able to cuddle, sleep next to or even have sex with my partner (sorry to be graphic) I know children should always come first but I am really starting to question if I can do this, there just seems to be no boundaries or discipline or managing of the situation. Am I being unreasonable to feel this way, is this a better way I could view it, what would anyone else do? I genuinely am just looking for advice as I don’t want know what to do. I can’t even speak to my partner about it as he gets defensive and starts shouting at me. He is wanting us to start a family and move in together but there’s absolutely no way I could handle this how it is.