Partners autistic son

Seriously, don't you WANT a better situation and better father for any children you may have? Why would you saddle your offspring with this horrible scenario???

Ideally but they are already getting pregnant, if it wasn't for the miscarriage which is unfortunate there would be another child in the mix.

Whilst sad the miscarriage can at least allow OP to have a clean break if she decides to end the relationship.

You need to end this. You have zero future.

This is a shitshow, as you say. Just walk away. Don't become another woman shackled by finances & a poor misbegotten child to a complete loser of a man.

Which he is, whether or not you choose to see that.

He is not your partner, he is a casual boyfriend you have only known for a year.

Why in the heck aren't you using multiple forms of contraception????

Surely you can't be planning to be having a child by a man you aren't married to, barely know and who already has produced three human beings, one of which has significant special needs??????

she slept with him then blackmailed him months lying she was pregnant.

The phrasing of this is fascinating. ‘She slept with him’, as opposed to ‘he slept with her’ or ‘the two of them had sex’. You’re phrasing it like it’s something she did to him, as opposed to an act in which he participated. The poor thing fell into cockfirst, did he? And was somehow unable to use protection.

So, this prince of a man:

• Has no actual employment;
• Isn’t even bothering to do his occasional work;
• Gets you to pay for everything;
• Smokes weed (paid for with what money, by the way?)
• Is a neglectful parent (not sending his child to school is neglect);
• Had multiple kids with a woman who is apparently vile;
• Will still happily have sex with said woman; and
• Shouts at you.

But you love him and want to move in with him despite all of this.

This will end well.

This is a family I would not touch with a barge pole. You and your child will never be a priority.

There are plenty more fish in the sea regarding a partner. I am very sorry for the loss of your baby, which of course makes things more complex in your mind, but he's not the partner for you.

It's funny that you describe his ex as a scrounger who doesn't parent these children well, and yet I would describe your partner as being the same.
Why are you tolerating in him, what you can't in others?
You have the potential to have children. The most important thing you can do for your future children is pick them a good father. That's all you need to do. Stand back and ask yourself if this is what you are doing currently.

The OP is a lost cause, will move him in, have another child he won't pay for, subsidise him until he moves onto the next one. And then complain. And maybe find some common ground with the other women. A tale as old as time.

I certainly never co-slept with my autistic child. He also went to school. He will shortly qualify as a doctor. We had boundaries and routine. Having an autistic child certainly never meant my husband stopped work.

My husband is on the spectrum. He paid his way - half of all our costs. He has been endlessly patient with our children and, with me, did his best to make sure our children had nice experiences, a great education and reasonable bedtimes where they went to bed in their own beds in their own bedrooms.

You are paying for everything for him and his child and worrying about his child while he smokes weed while gaming. You are not responsible for this child or his siblings and, even if you were, you wouldn't be able to change anything. You have no time alone and he "couldn't" be there when you were miscarrying because his son "wouldn't let him come".

You see yourself as the type of person who could never see the kid starve or not have nice experiences/trips when the father mostly doesn't work and doesn't work at all when his son is staying with him. The type of person you really are is utterly gullible - he can smoke weed and stop work and you support him and this child.

The awful vile mother - he chose her and slept with her. If he loved his children, he'd get a job and properly support them. You know things like making sure they get to school, giving them proper food and buying soccer boots etc. He might ideally have stayed in the same city in which they lived. The whole set up is totally dysfunctional. No woman with any self-respect would put up with this. This may sound utterly harsh but not having children with this loser was a lucky escape because he's hardly father of the year material, is he? Why would you want this man as the father of your baby?

You deserve better. Why would you put yourself in this situation? A partner is meant to add joy to your life - you should be going out to dinner, having lazy brunches, going on romantic holidays. He pays for almost nothing and can't even come to the hospital when you're miscarrying.

You need to break this off.

OP, he is completely useless. He is using you and he is using his child's autism as an excuse not to work and to sponge off you.

Wish I’d read this first before I posted. Sums it up perfectly.

Totally understand this OP, but you owe yourself and any future child(ren) so much more than this. And I think you know that. Please listen to all this advice.

And it seems like he didn't care, which is awful for you. Does that not tell you something?

Let’s recap @Dinero86

He’s a shit dad
He doesn’t work
He shouts at you if he doesn’t like what you say

Why oh why are you with him, let alone contemplating a family with him?!

Come on, surely you have better self worth than that??

Just run OP this isn’t about your understanding of autism (or lack of - and good on you for wanting to learn!) but this is a shit bloke. You’ve had a glimpse of what your child will go through with him as a Dad.

Dump him and get on to the kids school re safeguarding and say you know where the child is and that they aren’t in school. The Mum could have unenrolled them by now or they’d be asked questions!

Find someone his boundaries and values align with yours :) x

OP I’m so sorry to hear about the miscarriage. I hope you’re doing okay.

This sounds untenable and I can’t see how things will improve or even change a little, if your partner isn’t willing to put some boundaries and rules and routines in place. Wishing you all the best x

@Dinero86

I see it's only 2 weeks and 2 days since your last thread on this prince of a man.

and it seems you ignored the advice then.

This man isn’t going to be a good father for your children @Dinero86. There are a lot of red flags here.

I agree - of course he should prioritise his child over his partner - my husband and I always put our children first- and you surely can't expect anything else.

That said, the missing school thing and lack of boundaries is a huge issue. For the child's sake.

Dearie me. You need to look further than a sewer to find a partner. Serious lack of self respect going on here. Can you seriously not look into your future and see what kind of life you would have?

I’m sorry about your loss Op, it’s devastating and worse to have no support

regarding the rest of your post, why are you paying for this man? It’s his choice to not parent and to not work, why have you made that your problem to solve for him?
i wouldn’t want a child or a relationship with a man who is incapable of parenting and at least trying to support himself

the mother is an absolute waste of oxygen. 8 children and doesn’t look after any of them. We’ve FaceTimed the kids in the past and his 2yr old was sat drinkin a baby bottle filled with Coca Cola, she doesn’t even brush their teeth they’re filled with cavities! Honestly it’s raw. Any decent mother would have came down and collected the child and got him back to school, especially with him being autistic he needs more than ever to be educated he can’t even write his own name
totally baffled that you’re calling her a waste of space, but it’s him keeping his child with him and off school, him that’s moved away from his children, and it’s him knowing his 2 year old is being neglected, and he’s doing nothing about it, but you think he’s good enough to be in a relationship with and you’re talking about ‘When’ You have children with him. Perhaps he needs to worry about the ones he already has a bit first.

Autism is not the issue here.

The issue is the lazy boyfriend you are paying for.

do you have ' sucker ' written across your forehead ? as that is what he thinks of you, whilst smoking weed and gaming.

of course he moved nearer to you, he wants his meal ticket nearby.

Literally nobody thinks he's a good shout as a partner, and none of it has anything to do with the child's autism. Think on that.