Partners autistic son

Let us rejoice that it is now over and the op is about to have a good life again.

This is how your partner raises his son. This is information you have.

It is now your choice whether you want to be a step parent in this or not.

Personally this would be a deal breaker - other people would make different decisions. But I don’t see this going well for you if you try force him to spend less time with his son (what sending him to his mother’s would do, or enrolling the kid in school). You might make things better for him and his son by intervening (cause this doesn’t sound good for the kid) - but you’d likely build resentment of you.

I am so glad you have finished the relationship. You are worth more, you seem to have lost sight of yourself because of this man.

Now you can rebuild your self esteem and move on. You have a lot going for you by the sound of things, own business, home, car, etc. A woman of substance!

Many of us on here have sold ourselves short over a man in the past - but we learn and things get better. They will for you!

Congratulations on what you have achieved by ending it, 2025 will be be a new start for you.

He’s a poor excuse for a man and you’re a fool for putting up with his behaviour. Walk away now and don’t look back. Next time don’t move a man into your home until you have a ring on your finger and you both decide you have a future together. Are you so desperate for a man that you will put up with his crap?
You’re very quick to blame his ex but he’s the one who got her pregnant three times. You do realise he probably has a type! Can you see any similarities between yourself and the ex? Perhaps she had three children with him because she loved him too. Until she didn’t ! Don’t be like her! Walk away!

What the hell are you doing OP? This man moved to Liverpool when he has small children living in London. He lets his 5 year old stay up all night playing Xbox and doesn’t send him to school??? He sponges off you. This man is an absolutely awful father and partner. Why on earth would you be getting pregnant with him? Instead you should be calling social services!

No, my message wasn’t meant to indicate that at all. I was wondering if you'd had a difficult pregnancy, given birth and then suffered a miscarriage afterwards also because women are extremely fertile after giving birth.
I'll give you my personal information in exchange since you set the bar you assumed I was coming at.
Second pregnancy, baby seen on an early scan (done due to bleeding) at 7 weeks showing a beautiful little heartbeat but how they dated the pregnancy was wrong by my own dates. I got to the 12 week scan and was told that my baby had died two weeks earlier (missed miscarriage). I was in complete shock. I was sent to EPU for a scan. Dead baby. I didn’t want the surgical option so I waited it out for two weeks carrying a dead baby inside of me hoping that it would come away on its own. Didn’t happen. I then had to have the oral tablet then the internal tablets I chose to insert myself rather than the EPU staff doing it (I'm a rape victim). Before I even left the hospital I was pouring with blood all over the floor and I felt ashamed that they had to clean it up. When I got home I stood in the bath while blood continued to pour out of me and then spent 4 hours in utterly horrendous pain on my hands and knees (my parents had to take my 6 month old overnight). Then I was finally able to push and the sac landed in my hand. That was my baby.
Don’t assume that posters are on the attack.
I had another miscarriage too. I could detail that for you too or do you think that's quite enough now?

A difficult pregnancy and miscarriage in 5 weeks?

His son’s autism isn’t the problem, him being a useless parent is. Stop bankrolling him, he takes time of because you are paying !

This is a relationship you should be running from.

Well done @Dinero86 I hope police involvement means he will now leave you alone. If you start a thread looking for moral support now you’ve ended it you’ll get a much more sympathetic response from MN. Block him everywhere and look forward to a happier 2025.

Welldone and stay safe, we are rooting for you. I am glad the police are taking your report seriously.

That's good that they're taking it seriously and going to bring him in! Glad you told them.

Wouldn't he surprised if you find out he has a history of abusing women already on record tbh.

Well done, and I'm glad you found something helpful in this thread among all the shite. Have a nice and peaceful Christmas <3

@Pinkbonbon

I think the Op@Dinero86 should print out your version of the 12 days of Christmas and stick it on the walls in her home.

I can see how hard it’s been for you to detach from him when your first experiences with him were so positive. But that wasn’t the real him, it was an illusion to draw you in. You sound like a magnificent person, generous, kind and loving. These are not his traits. The way he is now: lazy, selfish, pothead, lacking empathy, shit dad, this is the real him.
Grieve for the man you thought he was, get some good counselling if you think that will help, and if were you I would probably move.
Start afresh in the new year. Book some nice things to look forward to, make some changes. Spend some time nurturing yourself, it will do you good. You’re a lovely person, you just inadvertently got sucked into a whirlpool of darkness, walk away.

Honestly, this guy just doesn't sound like a very good parent. I don't have an autistic child, but I did work for a while in a special needs classroom and, at least from the autistic children I worked with, one thing I learned was that like all children they need structure. Obviously, there might need to be a bit more flexibility when working with a child with special needs. But like any other child, children with autism need structure (eg bed time is 8.00 every night). Frankly it sounds like your partner is a neglectful father who is blaming his poor parenting on his child's autism.

I'm so pleased to read your update that it's over.

I was so angry on your behalf reading your posts and wishing you the strength and clarity to see him for what he is.

Parents should always prioritise their kids. But this doesn't mean they can be horrible to everyone else.

Be strong. Don't let him back in. This is the first step for a different 2025 where you put your needs first.

@Dinero86 honestly you probably won’t like this either but it’s meant kindly. He is horrific, a user, useless, dangerous. You name it. But, you don’t seem to be reacting appropriately to all his clearly obvious faults. And keep saying “but I love him” why? If you were thinking clearly you wouldn’t love him no matter what absolute shit he tells you. That he’s also telling other women, you can bet that’s true too. Please don’t go back to him. Go and get some counselling for yourself to understand what your worth is and how relationships should look. The fact you have no family may well be a reason you are so susceptible to this utter bullshit. Please take care of yourself.

Not meant to be funny. Meant to drive home what could have happened if op stayed so she doesn't look back and romanticise it.
I did just type it up in 5 minutes upon waking however so apologies if its not Shakespeare.

Is it just me or is this a bit weird? Meant be be funny but missed the mark??

I have an autistic son and can say with some certainty he has had 3 days off since reception (he’s now year 6) due to his autism.
The thing that stuck out to me in the OP was “he gets defensive” which means he KNOWS he is in the wrong but cannot be bothered to correct it!
he’s clearly not the partner you need.

What could have been =
12 Christmas fights,
11 Christmas gaslights,
10 nights of him gaming,
9 more of him you-shaming,
8 threats to bring his ex,
7 coercions of sex,
6 lies a plenty,
5 making you feel numb and empty,
4 calling you names like 'crazy whore',
3 children not yours to care for,
2 blaaaaack eyes,

• and a dead you under the tree.

You were never going to have happiness woth this person. Only suffering. So yes, think what could have been. Misery, forever. Now you're free. You get to live in peace.

www.bestproductsreviews.co.uk/abusive-relationship-books

What could have been would never and will never have been as it’s quite clear is incapable of giving you what you want. An abuser does not just become not an abuser.