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Original poster

He's pissed off because I asked if he'd taken drugs

35 replies

BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 21:42

I've been dating somebody for 10 weeks or so and it has been going well.

During that time, he has mentioned drug use in his wider circle. An ex girlfriend and friends. The second time drugs came up (tonight, telling me about a friend of his) I innocently and genuinely asked him whether he used to do those drugs himself.

It didn't feel like an inappropriate question to me given that it's a theme among people he knows but he's majorly pissed off, offended that I even asked and threatened to block me for it. I'm now being blanked.

Was I wrong to ask? Would you have? Is his reaction proportionate?

OP posts:
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Jumpingthruhoops · 18/12/2024 01:26

BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 21:42

I've been dating somebody for 10 weeks or so and it has been going well.

During that time, he has mentioned drug use in his wider circle. An ex girlfriend and friends. The second time drugs came up (tonight, telling me about a friend of his) I innocently and genuinely asked him whether he used to do those drugs himself.

It didn't feel like an inappropriate question to me given that it's a theme among people he knows but he's majorly pissed off, offended that I even asked and threatened to block me for it. I'm now being blanked.

Was I wrong to ask? Would you have? Is his reaction proportionate?

His reaction is more than enough of an answer to your question. Get rid.

DeliciousApples · 18/12/2024 00:11

I agreed with the others. He's protesting too much and trying to manipulate you.

Dump and move on.
Sorry OP. You deserve better.

mmmarmalade · 18/12/2024 00:00

@BerryMary107
He was testing the water to see what he might be able to get away with.

OhBling · 17/12/2024 23:38

1 this was not an inappropriate question. It was a perfectly reasonable question in the context of the conversation you were having AND in the context of you being in a reatively new relationship that has been moving to a new place.

2 A man who threatens to block me becuase I did something he didn't like is a man I don't want to be in a relationship with in the first place. Either you have crossed a line and he walks away OR he deals with it like an adult. Threatening you and acting like a spoiled child who has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar is not helpful.

MagpieStars · 17/12/2024 23:24

I would walk away.

His reaction is possibly a way to put you off asking future questions re his drug use.

So you won't ask him in case he reacts like that again.

And it definitely sounds like there's a story or two there, whether current or recent-ish drug use.

🚩

Original poster
BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 23:19

You're so right.

Rather now than later on down the line eh 😕

OP posts:
redastherose · 17/12/2024 23:07

BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 22:49

Thank you all for your perspectives. I agree his reaction is a definite red flag.

I told him I felt he was over reacting by threatening to block me for asking him a question that was in context.

He then said "let's just forget about this conversation, tomorrow is a new day"

Historical drug use wouldn't have been a deal breaker for me providing it was in the distant past and he didn't do those things anymore, but his reaction does feel like one.

We had just gone 'official' and deleted our dating apps so it's a bit of a kicker to think I'm that disposable that he'd block me for something as small as that.

Edited

He's the disposable one, he tried to control you by attacking you for a simple question, it hasn't worked and you would be mad not to kick him to the curb now he's waved such a huge red flag 🚩 in your face.

Original poster
BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 22:49

Thank you all for your perspectives. I agree his reaction is a definite red flag.

I told him I felt he was over reacting by threatening to block me for asking him a question that was in context.

He then said "let's just forget about this conversation, tomorrow is a new day"

Historical drug use wouldn't have been a deal breaker for me providing it was in the distant past and he didn't do those things anymore, but his reaction does feel like one.

We had just gone 'official' and deleted our dating apps so it's a bit of a kicker to think I'm that disposable that he'd block me for something as small as that.

OP posts:
AyeDeadOn · 17/12/2024 22:45

Druggie or not, he sounds like an unreasonable arsehole. Ditch him. He won't improve.

ArgosOrArgoose · 17/12/2024 22:42

BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 22:28

That is EXACTLY what he said!

"How dare you"

Show quote history

Well you did dare, because you wanted to know, like any sane person would.
His reaction is a huge red flag, block, delete, move on.

AlteredStater · 17/12/2024 22:35

His extreme reaction indicates he probably has done so.

Thevelvelletes · 17/12/2024 22:33

Drug users talk about drugs he was testing the waters with you for a reaction.
I'm an ex user.

Hannaahhhh · 17/12/2024 22:32

You were right to ask because now you know how much of a prick he is.

Thedogscollar · 17/12/2024 22:30

Nothing good ever comes from drugs.
Good for you OP you called the druggie out and he didn't like it boo hoo.
Onwards and upwards.

Original poster
BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 22:28

redastherose · 17/12/2024 22:23

Yeah I'd be thinking he's reacting badly because he doesn't want to give you an actual answer and this way he's deflected the question by going 'how dare you'!

That is EXACTLY what he said!

"How dare you"

OP posts:
ManhattanPopcorn · 17/12/2024 22:27

Yanbu.

He did you a favour by blocking you.

redastherose · 17/12/2024 22:23

Yeah I'd be thinking he's reacting badly because he doesn't want to give you an actual answer and this way he's deflected the question by going 'how dare you'!

stripypanda100 · 17/12/2024 22:23

BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 21:42

I've been dating somebody for 10 weeks or so and it has been going well.

During that time, he has mentioned drug use in his wider circle. An ex girlfriend and friends. The second time drugs came up (tonight, telling me about a friend of his) I innocently and genuinely asked him whether he used to do those drugs himself.

It didn't feel like an inappropriate question to me given that it's a theme among people he knows but he's majorly pissed off, offended that I even asked and threatened to block me for it. I'm now being blanked.

Was I wrong to ask? Would you have? Is his reaction proportionate?

attack is always the best form of defence.... at least he's not a straight up lie to your face kinda guy.... cut and run unless you don't mind the drugs cuz i defo think he's squirming

jacks11 · 17/12/2024 22:22

BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 21:59

It's a very extreme reaction isn't it? Especially since he was the one who brought it up in the first place.

The context today is him telling me about a friend of his who is going through a hard time and how he wants to offer support but can't have him at his house because he's on drugs.

That, coupled with him speaking about his ex girlfriend using the same drugs, did make me wonder.

I think it is an over-reaction and would put me off after only 10 weeks.

BUT in the context of this conversation, I’m not sure it’s a case of “protesting too much”. He might be defensive, or perhaps he is actually quite against drug use- he certainly feel strongly enough about drug use to not allow a friend who uses them to be in his home. Now, perhaps it is a historical problem and he’s worried about being sucked back in. Or perhaps he’s quite anti-drugs and just happens to know a few people who use.

For context, I am very wary of drug use- I think it’s playing with fire as some can use with few issues, others can have real problems after only one use or end up with an addiction. Despite this, I have a few friends (not that many, but a few, not all in the same circles) who take or have taken drugs recreationally in the past. I have never used drugs (well, I smoked weed once). The friend I am closer to and would see more regularly (suppose you could at others are more distant friends) knows I’m not interested and doesn’t involve me in anyway/do it if I’m around (or let me know if they think it will be about, so I can chose to avoid or not), so it doesn’t really impact on our friendship. I’d be a bit irritated if someone asked me if I used drugs because this friend did, especially if I’d just talked about wanting to help that friend but didn’t feel I could do more as I didn’t want them in my home due to their drug use. I don’t think I’d block someone over it, but I’d be slightly annoyed.

Mymanyellow · 17/12/2024 22:20

Sounds like a guilty conscience to me.

honeyfox · 17/12/2024 22:16

If it walks like a duck....

gingerbreadd · 17/12/2024 22:15

That’s a bad reaction whether he’s done them or not. Throw this one back.

Original poster
BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 22:13

He replied after I posted. He said me asking him that question made him think that I thought he looks like a drug user.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 17/12/2024 22:13

BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 21:59

It's a very extreme reaction isn't it? Especially since he was the one who brought it up in the first place.

The context today is him telling me about a friend of his who is going through a hard time and how he wants to offer support but can't have him at his house because he's on drugs.

That, coupled with him speaking about his ex girlfriend using the same drugs, did make me wonder.

Sounds like he’s possibly recovering addict who knows being around anyone who takes drugs will be too much temptation for him.

His reaction is ridiculously OTT though. Not sure I could get past it

Evaka · 17/12/2024 22:11

Sounds liked a coked up over reaction. Tell him to do one and move on. What a tool.