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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that non drinkers are often hard work..

88 replies

BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 21:39

My best friend of many years has recently decided to go tee total on alcohol - what started as sober October (which I fully support!) has now escalated to never drinking again.. AIBU to think she’s being a bit of a kill joy?! I fully agree that we all need to be mindful of alcohol consumption but I can’t understand the need to place unnecessary limits on yourself for the rest of your life. Now every single night out or restaurant trip must be centred around finding a bar with good ‘mocktails’ - frankly when buying rounds I’ve refused to pay through the roof prices for a bit of fruit juice in a fancy glass when a ‘real’ drink costs the same amount. She seems to quite enjoy the moral superiority of things and will often make comments towards the rest of us where we are drinking. It’s all a bit exhausting!

Definitely no pregnancy/health issues - we’re very close. She was never a heavy drinker so no addiction issues, same on my side. We were always just a cocktail/glass of wine or two girls and would never really drink to get drunk, hence I don’t understand why she can’t just drink in moderation like she has always done. She seems to be actively making life difficult for herself (and those around her)..

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 17/12/2024 22:02

BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 21:49

Whether you’d like to believe it or not, I am a very mindful drinker - usually only a few per month. My friend was also mindful but would typically drink a bit more often hence why the sudden switch has baffled me.

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How is it really anything to do with you?

Frankly you don't sound like a very good friend

Bluevelvetsofa · 17/12/2024 22:02

Deciding not to drink alcohol isn’t putting a ban on yourself. It’s simply deciding not to drink. Maybe she wants to feel better, sleep better and look after herself. Lots of people don’t drink for lots of reasons. They don’t regard themselves as martyrs.

Original poster
BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 22:01

JadeScroller · 17/12/2024 21:59

Fucking hell OP. If you can’t tolerate her unless she’s had a drink and your whole social circle has discussed this and reached a consensus then stop flogging a dead horse and recognise that the issue isn’t that she’s stopped drinking, it’s that you actually just don’t like her.

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You know what, you’re right.

OP posts:
7ft1garysson · 17/12/2024 22:00

BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 21:57

Frankly she’s one of those people who is far better in social situations if she has had a drink and our whole circle agrees on that - so yes, it is a kill joy.

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You and your circle 🤢🤢🤢sound insufferable. This poor girl does not have to drink alcohol. Hope she finds some new unbitchy friends

Ella31 · 17/12/2024 22:00

BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 21:57

Frankly she’s one of those people who is far better in social situations if she has had a drink and our whole circle agrees on that - so yes, it is a kill joy.

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Well that's very sad for this "friend " of yours. You can't even be happy for her and instead prefer her with alcohol. You need to look at yourself and your group and wonder whst type of friends you really are

ilovelamp82 · 17/12/2024 22:00

BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 21:57

Frankly she’s one of those people who is far better in social situations if she has had a drink and our whole circle agrees on that - so yes, it is a kill joy.

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Maybe it's because she's in an environment where her 'friends' are judging her. Honestly it is starting to sound more and more like you have an issue with alcohol.

Thatcastlethere · 17/12/2024 22:00

Some people are hard work in general. Drinking or not drinking just magnifies that. I know people who are teetotal who are loads of fun and lovely.. I know people who are teetotal who don't shut up about it and are judgemental about others. I know drinkers who are an absolute liability and ruin any fun occasion with their irresponsibility.. and I know drinkers who are great fun.

I don't think it's about being teetotal or not
And also someone's decision to drink or not drink isn't a judgement on you necessarily.. mind you aren't being defensive for no real reason

Mademetoxic · 17/12/2024 21:59

BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 21:57

Frankly she’s one of those people who is far better in social situations if she has had a drink and our whole circle agrees on that - so yes, it is a kill joy.

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I am glad I don't have a friend like you.

JadeScroller · 17/12/2024 21:59

BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 21:57

Frankly she’s one of those people who is far better in social situations if she has had a drink and our whole circle agrees on that - so yes, it is a kill joy.

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Fucking hell OP. If you can’t tolerate her unless she’s had a drink and your whole social circle has discussed this and reached a consensus then stop flogging a dead horse and recognise that the issue isn’t that she’s stopped drinking, it’s that you actually just don’t like her.

Startingagainandagain · 17/12/2024 21:58

Really?

You're the one that sounds like hard work...

LaughingCat · 17/12/2024 21:58

Fuckin’ hell…that’s a bit bloody arsey of you, OP! Why not pay the same amount for the fruit juice…presumably she’s not pouting about having to fork out for your alcoholic drinks when buying in a round. Just find some nice bars that suit all of you. Alcohol’s not great for any of us so if not drinking is working for your friend, just let her get on with it!

Original poster
BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 21:57

NotYourSaviour · 17/12/2024 21:56

Wow. I don't drink at all, haven't for over 30 years - I just drink whatever sugar-free variety of Coke or Pepsi is going, and I can't think of a single occasion where anyone has ever questioned me about it. Well, they might assume I'm driving which I usually am, obvs. If anyone asks me a direct question "why aren't you drinking" I'll give the short version (I used up all my drinking days as a teenager, got no tolerance for it now) and they just accept it.

Why is it such a big deal to you? Are you worried that she won't be as fun if you're drunk and she's not?

Frankly she’s one of those people who is far better in social situations if she has had a drink and our whole circle agrees on that - so yes, it is a kill joy.

OP posts:
IKEAJesus · 17/12/2024 21:57

Surely going to somewhere that has decent mocktails is no more challenging (actually probably less) than finding somewhere that does decent real ale, wine by the glass, other alcoholic drink of choice?

How does it actually affect you if she’s not drinking but still happy to socialise and isn’t policing what you’re drinking?

KayVess · 17/12/2024 21:57

BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 21:51

I very easily (and often do) go weeks or months without alcohol and don’t give it any thought. It’s not a necessity in my life whatsoever, nor am I dependent in the slightest. It’s easy to go without - you don’t need to put silly bans on yourself like a child.

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So her not drinking is silly and childish? I think you may need to look in the mirror. Why does your friend making a healthy choice for herself bother you so much? You’re being weird about this.

TheJones · 17/12/2024 21:56

I mean it’s her choice and she can do whatever she wants. With no judgement.

It might just change what you do with her. My bf is similar- we used to enjoy going for a glass of wine and a big chat and laughs. She’s now teetotal, I like a glass of wine but won’t drink when someone else isn’t as it kills the vibe. So we now just go for a day walk or coffee and I go out for dinner with others. It definitely has changed things- I have to get babysitters or DH to have the kids to go out in the evening and it’s an effort to sort childcare- but I’ll only arrange this if it’s a fun night and yes to me that involves a glass of wine! So I’ve stopped going out in the evening with her.

Also to add I’m not a big drinker- never binge or drink at home. But I love the feeling of that first glass of fizz type thing

NotYourSaviour · 17/12/2024 21:56

Wow. I don't drink at all, haven't for over 30 years - I just drink whatever sugar-free variety of Coke or Pepsi is going, and I can't think of a single occasion where anyone has ever questioned me about it. Well, they might assume I'm driving which I usually am, obvs. If anyone asks me a direct question "why aren't you drinking" I'll give the short version (I used up all my drinking days as a teenager, got no tolerance for it now) and they just accept it.

Why is it such a big deal to you? Are you worried that she won't be as fun if you're drunk and she's not?

Mischance · 17/12/2024 21:56

I haven't drunk alcohol for decades. Not an issue with any of my friends and nor has anyone asked me my reasons. It is a non issue. YABVU.

Lufannian · 17/12/2024 21:55

This is the wrong forum for this, OP 😂

Ella31 · 17/12/2024 21:55

BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 21:51

I very easily (and often do) go weeks or months without alcohol and don’t give it any thought. It’s not a necessity in my life whatsoever, nor am I dependent in the slightest. It’s easy to go without - you don’t need to put silly bans on yourself like a child.

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I think your comment about "putting silly bans on it like a child" has made it clear that you are really pissed at her for giving it up.

If you have any respect for her at all, just let it go. You don't need to drink to have fun with someone. Also.a good mocktail when done right is unreal. Currently pregnant and I'd always choose a decent place that does them

XenoBitch · 17/12/2024 21:55

People who have issues with other people not drinking tend to have their own issues with drinking, even if they are not aware of it.

Personally, I don't see someone wanting to find a bar that does good mocktails any different to a drinker who wants to find a bar that does good cocktails, or real ale, or any other alcoholic drink.

CorbyTrouserPress · 17/12/2024 21:54

BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 21:53

Where did I say that I condone drinking and driving? Said friend doesn’t even drive!

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Where did I say you did ?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/12/2024 21:54

BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 21:51

I very easily (and often do) go weeks or months without alcohol and don’t give it any thought. It’s not a necessity in my life whatsoever, nor am I dependent in the slightest. It’s easy to go without - you don’t need to put silly bans on yourself like a child.

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But why do you mind if she does?

Popolinar · 17/12/2024 21:54

BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 21:51

I very easily (and often do) go weeks or months without alcohol and don’t give it any thought. It’s not a necessity in my life whatsoever, nor am I dependent in the slightest. It’s easy to go without - you don’t need to put silly bans on yourself like a child.

Edited
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You’re missing the point. Perhaps she’s just doesn’t enjoy it anymore? There’s nothing childish about changing your mind about something.

Original poster
BromptonBay · 17/12/2024 21:53

CorbyTrouserPress · 17/12/2024 21:52

I stopped socialising with a ‘friend’ like you. I’m not a big drinker and don’t touch a drop if I’m driving, my friend knew this yet every time we went out she would repeatedly say things like ‘you can have a glass of wine and still be fine to drive’ etc. Took me a while to realise she was simply incapable of socialising without a drink, no matter what time of day or where we were.

Where did I say that I condone drinking and driving? Said friend doesn’t even drive!

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 17/12/2024 21:53

I no longer really enjoy drinking because it screws up my sleep and leaves me feeling rubbish the next day even often after 1 glass of wine. I drink occasionally when I decide it's worth it. I don't make a fuss of it though, although people still sometimes seem to feel judged by me not drinking or only having 1 small one. I genuinely don't care what they choose to do.

If you are doing rounds, does it matter what she is drinking? You aren't paying more than if she had alcohol and it will take longer for the bartender to make than say a glass of wine. It does seem a little OTT to announce she is never drinking again!