Christmas is ruined and I just want to cry. Please slap some sense into me!

Things like this have happened to us a lot over the last few years.

Our family all live far away in different locations and we live in a new area with no friends and I agree, it is hard going making any!

This year has been particularly tricky with illnesses and cancelled plans. I absolutely love Christmas and am so excited for it but I'm also balancing it with, if anything happens, I'm not going to be upset. We shall plough through and know brighter days always appear - and they are all the better for it when they do!

It sounds sappy but counting my blessings really works in the harder times as you know they will be there with bells on once you get through.

Sending warm wishes - IME this can be a difficult time of year with lots of memories to contend with, a lot of time alone which can fuel rumination, illness and the pressure of feeling others are having a better time. I am saying this so you know you really are not alone. Me and DH have a super life but there are times Xmas can bring stuff up from the last that is hard. One suggestion: sometimes just a little fun thing can help. We once had to cancel all our Xmas plans at a day’s notice due to bad health. Instead of the long Xmas eve walk followed by restaurant lunch, I bought bacon - the only remotely treat type thing in the corner shop, and we had bacon sarnies which are a rare treat… that’s now a loved Xmas ritual. On the sciatica can he see an osteopath or médical masseur or a physiotherapist, in many countries you do not need a doctor to refer you. I’ve suffered and had great results this way.

Having recently been able to walk again after 5 months of back problems and sciatica that turned into a numb foot that didn't work at all but the worst pain in my leg . I had to crawl up the stairs . Walking just around the house took ages as I couldn't lift my leg . It was awful .
In the end simple stretching exercises daily. Hot water bottles and painkillers worked.
The tricky thing is moving enough to help it but not doing to much that makes it worse.

Bowen technique is amazing for Sciatica. Has your DH tried it before? Failing that a really good chiropractor. Hope he gets it sorted in time for you to have some festive fun.

So sorry , heartbreaking

I would really recommend an osteopath for sciatica. They will treat the cause. Painkillers, however strong, aren’t usually very good at helping nerve pain.

It's horrid when lots of bad things happen at once.
But no Christmas is perfect - not for anyone. Try to find a way to accept things go wrong especially at Christmas and that you will have to slow down, adjust and enjoy a quiet but happy Christmas.
I hope dh feels better soon back pain is horrible:)

I feel a bit the same. Really bad flu that took 3 weeks to recover from left me feeling meh. I'm behind at work, behind with present shopping, the house is a tip. Today I made myself take a day off work (I'm self-employed so I can but I have a lot to finish before Christmas.

I decorated the Christmas cake, DH and i bought a tree and I decorated that too, then put on some carols (and Bublé ) even though I wasn't in the mood, and prepped dinner before going out to hear DH's choir sing carols at a local festival. Bumped into friends, walked home looking at all the lights. I'm making myself feel Christmassy this year and it is starting to work.

You could go overboard in terms of decorations, lights everywhere downstairs to make your house a winter wonderland, the most beautiful tree in the world, maybe go tacky with some outside things, reindeers, father christmas on the chimney... so that your time at home is looking at lots of pretty stuff and bright lights... this might make you and your dh feel worse not better though, depends on your taste!

In relation to cooking, Delia is full of recipes which need a lot of time, that might be an idea. Could you invite your neighbours over to try out your delights? Depends on your neighbours I guess!

Or trust in fate, that this time has been given to you so that you have time to meet new people!

Get to a chiropractor. Pay whatever you can just get him in to see someone. He could have two or three sessions before Christmas itself. It might not be fully better by then but he might be able to move more easily.

I had severe sciatica which ended up with me having a twisted hip because I could only 'rest' in one position. Morphine was the only thing that got even near to touching the pain, yet the chiropractor fixed it!

From being helped into the clinic the first time in agony to bring able to get in myself on the third time. It's the only thing that helped.

Do it!

Physio for the sciatica - and do the exercises daily.

All my sympathies OP. Sciatica is no fun at all.

I do somatic body exercises for trapped nerves and tense muscles and they have helped a lot.

I hope you have some nice food and can just relax and take it easy. If you like New Year’s classical music, the Berlin Philharmonic has an online portal and the concerts are really lovely. All speedy healing to your husband.

I hear you, I am in bed with pneumonia. Last day of work Friday the festivities were going to be immense this year

Last year of santy, headed off to a santy experience on Saturday by the time for there i was shivering, headache eyes hurt. Etc. Endured it barely.

Got into bed at 8pm on Saturday night and I am still here.

Cancelled Christmas lunch with dad and do his Christmas shopping and visit mams grave

Sister arriving on Tuesday with nephew i haven't meet yet. Plan was to introduce the dogs on beach tire them out and out to dinner with family and in laws

I am not going with husband children are going

Women's group, secret santa and a few beverages, missing that

Planned an afternoon on Friday going for lunch in a nearby city and looking at lights. It's traditional thing gone

BIL had a new baby yesterday, anyone baby i won't get see

We were a big winter solstice party in Saturday cancelled

There also coffee and dog rambles planned i was so excited for this year.. It was difficult one last year

No mince pies and gingerbread men and all the planning and excitement gone

Get a TENS machine for your DH to try. They are truly amazing and when I could barely walk one allowed me to (gingerly) carry on.
It might just be the thing that gives you both a bit of relief from the misery that is sciatica. (Be warned though that he will need to experiment with where to put the pads, but they should always be higher on the back than where the pain is. He might also need to shave where the patches need to go as otherwise he could well get a free wax when he pulls the pads off.)
That's not to say he shouldn't seek treatment though.
I hope it helps.

Oh love what a shit run of it! HOWEVER!

Christmas is just a day. And it’s lovely to love it and enjoy it but it not being cinematic isn’t it being ruined. Think of it like this: what a lovely chance for you and DP to have a gorgeous romantic Christmas just the two of you before you start a family and have no choice but to traipse around everywhere seeing people.

This past summer I took a week long holiday and did nothing but sit at home reading, watching tv, and doing hobbies. It was exactly what I needed from a mental health perspective. I have never been so refreshed after a holiday. I already have another one booked for next year.

your bodies are telling you that you are running yourself ragged. Embrace the time to relax and destress. Binge watch a comfort show while building a Lego set or doing a paint by numbers. You will be happier by the end.

What I would say as a mother of two young children to someone who is planning on having children in the near future is enjoy the peace! Get loads of of sleep (I’m still annoyed with myself for not sleeping more) take long baths and long walks and read and eat great adult food in peace! I adore my children but Christmas is so noisy and constant (and amazing) and I wish I’d appreciated old Christmas holidays more

Hi OP. Thanks for your post. I'm a single mum and don't have anyone I can spend the Christmas period with and my daughter doesn't really get into all the traditional stuff. Plus it's nice to have adults around.

In your situation I would use each day to make some kind of new recipe for dinner which you've never tried before. Are you in your country of origin or are you British? Is it cold here you are? That would dictate what kind of traditional festive recipes I'd look up.

Maybe you can create some presents packages for children in need or lonely elderly people.

I'd also spend all day learning some new things for hobbies, and crafting. You can still do nice things at home and share them on a social media group, to feel togetherness. Is there local carol services close to you, which you can access? Maybe an online service as well. There might be some craft group zoom lessons also or any other hobby you have. I like to think of it as a time to chill out and catch up on things I don't make time for the rest of the year.

The Calm Christmas podcast by Beth Kempton is very inspiring for slowing down over the festive period. Will be good to have a lovely creative restful period, to boost your health for January when you can go out and do some nice trips or days out.

Oh love you've had a pile of bad luck. It's one year, not forever, and sounds like you and your partner have a lovely relationship of supporting each other. You are focusing too much on wha5 you don't have and not what you do. Try and enjoy this Christmas- play whatever Christmas music you love, laugh at silly TV and enjoy nice food and reach out to the people you do love. You have many years ahead with better health and others but try and embrace this year as best you can xxx

Boost your immune systems with lots of Vit C and zinc.
Can you get really good reflexology where you are? I had similar trapped nerve issues which were sorted with that.

Christmas is very low key for us this year , I had to have an extensive open hysterectomy for suspected ovarian cancer in November and unfortunately a few days after I got home started with sepsis symptoms had to have my staples removed early and as a result left with some large open wounds - the good news is no cancer but have a long way to recover fully.

spending the day home with DH , going to get a few treats from M&S if I’m ok on my feet by Christmas Eve and just watch some tv and chill - it’s been an awful end to the year but trying to see the positives and hoping next year will be a lot happier and healthier

Sorry to hear your plans are up in the air - but I do agree, with PP, just take it easy, relax, read, indulge in whatever you want to do and recharge your batteries.

Sciatica is awful, but a TENS machine was a godsend for me, if you can get hold of one I'd highly recommend trying it out.

Whatever you end up doing, I hope you have a lovely Christmas albeit different from your original plans.

It's just a different, quiet Christmas. Can you really not get around without DH driving? What do you do day to day? Does DH drive you everywhere???? Even to work and socials?

I mean, we live abroad in a place that has zero public transport and you must drive even to go to a corner shop as it's so hot. But then a driving license is the first thing you get when you move here.