Page 2 | Christmas is ruined and I just want to cry. Please slap some sense into me!

Rainallnight · 19/12/2024 03:26

I’m quite a bit older than you and one of the things I’ve learned is that Christmas will occasionally be a bit shit. Or at least, not what you’d hoped for, just because of life. Make the best of it this time, and fingers crossed for a better one next year.

ZoniSouslaLune · 19/12/2024 02:16

I have had sciatica that started during a pregnancy and continued for awhile afterward. I also couldn't sit for any length of time. It's just terrible; I feel for your husband.

PP mentioned sleeping (on one's side) with a pillow between the knees; I did find this very helpful. Also stretches that arched my back (like the picture a pp posted). I went to a "back class" at the hospital that gave us several helpful exercises.

When I did go out, we often brought a lounge chair (the type for the beach that folds into thirds) and I would lie on it with my head slightly elevated; this was when we went to the homes of friends. 😄We also bought a kneeling chair, which positions you with your weight on your knees. I used that for a long time.

Best wishes for your husband's complete recovery! 🌹

PerkyQuoter · 19/12/2024 01:28

I do have sympathy for your situation and hope you feel better soon, but this all seems very dramatic with no kids involved to have their Christmas ruined. I think you need to scale back your expectations as to my mind Christmas is mainly for children.

Iloveyoubut · 18/12/2024 22:19

Wellthisisnewandunwelcome · 18/12/2024 14:26

@Iloveyoubut 💐

Thank you that’s really very kind and same to you. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone and I’m so sorry you’re going through it too, I don’t know you but I’ll be thinking of you. 💐

Waitingfordoggo · 18/12/2024 21:50

So sorry to read this, you've had a shit time. If we're lucky enough to live a long life, I expect most of us at some point will have (or have already had) a shit Christmas, just because if you're around for enough years there's a good chance at least one of our Christmases will be marred by illnesses/bereavement or some other rubbish life event.
I'm sorry it's your turn. 😔

I don't have tips for sciatica per se, but just to say that it is a symptom rather than a condition in itself (at least as far as I understand it- but I'm not a medic). I had it when my hips were out of alignment after pregnancy and birth with a big baby; my husband had it as a result of a prolapsed disc. I guess once your DH knows the cause of his, it might be easier to treat (presumably the MRI is part of this).

I'm not a huge Christmas fan...it's a difficult time of year for me because of those loved ones that are missing. The bit I like the best is the dinner, but I suspect it's going to be rubbish this year due to some serious tooth and mouth issues I have at the moment which mean I can't chew and am currently living on soups. The chances of me being able to eat a roast next week are looking slimmer by the day 😩

But however things pan out, I hope you can enjoy your quiet Christmas more than you expect to, and that your DH is at least able to be comfortable.

Sometimesright · 18/12/2024 21:08

3OrangeCats · 17/12/2024 20:09

I love Christmas and I enjoy all the hype leading up to the day and everything about the season. I've booked leave from Dec 19th - Jan 05th as has DH and planned our menu and vacation activities since October.

But life isn't cooperating with me.

In late Nov, I got terrible, food poisoning which threw my back out and triggered an excruciating sciatica flare where I couldn't walk. Thanks to a steroid shot and strong painkillers, I was on the mend and THEN I got the flu. Full-on chills , headache, fever, fatigue etc. THEN, the flu and sore throat triggered my asthma so I spent the next week having coughing fits and being unable to sleep.

Throughout my illnesses, DH has been very supportive and caring and has never once complained.

Finally last Saturday, I was feeling great, DH's work projects were finally wrapped up and it felt like Christmas could finally start....and THEN, DH's sciatica flared up. What are the chances?! He can't sit at all and driving is out of the question. He got morphine, an NSAID shot and a steroid but there's been little improvement. He's going for an MRI tomorrow but it's not looking likely that he will be able to do much for the next 2-3 weeks.

I am so sad to see him in so much pain but also because all our plans now have to be cancelled and I feel terrible even thinking that. I can't drive and even if I could, DH can't sit in the car to be driven anywhere. I don't live in the UK and public transport here is terrible so I'm pretty much stuck at home. My MH was already a bit low what with being sick for 2-3 weeks and now this. I know I sound whiny and am feeling sorry for myself but I just want somewhere to vent as I don't want DH to see me like this and feel bad. He is so kind and attentive when I am unwell and wouldn't care a bit about cancelling Christmas if the shoe was on the other foot.

To make matters worse, this is just exacerbating some other issues I have with this time of year. I'm an only child and my dad died when I was 14. DH and I don't have kids yet and he's not very close with his siblings so our circle can sometimes feel small and especially so this time of year. I guess I would feel a lot better if I was surrounded by a large happy bunch and it wasn't just me, DH and my mum at home for the holiday season. I am quite introverted and have a small circle of friends but of course everyone is busy with their families at this time, so while we do have a few lunches and days out planned, I will be spending most of my vacation at home.

I know I need to prioritise getting my license (failed my test in October) as that would help but how do I:

enjoy this particular Christmas? I have some shows lined up to watch, I'll still cook some nice things, I plan to read a lot, as well as do some painting which I've recently taken up. But it's a far cry from the days out and dinners and activities previously planned.
How do I expand my circle? I suppose having a child will help but where I live does not have the opportunities the UK does. There are few hobby groups, book clubs, Meetup isn't a thing. It just feels like if you don't have a large birth or in-law family or a huge friendship group from school, you can't expand your circle much as an adult.
Please tell me if anyone else is facing a Christmas they didn't anticipate. It helps to have perspective sometimes and I know this is very much a first world problem.
Any sciatica tips if you've had it and couldn't sit? Wishful thinking, but I thought I'd ask.

Thank you so much if you have read this far.

Get this for your sciatica it’s amazing it’s great for back and neck pain too!
www.amazon.co.uk/DIZA100-Technology-Washable-Electric-Relaxation/dp/B0C6LRXR7W?pd_rd_w=fzkkT&content-id=amzn1.sym.b6bc2a2c-1323-44d8-b8fb-8695e441afa9&pf_rd_p=b6bc2a2c-1323-44d8-b8fb-8695e441afa9&pf_rd_r=PNEFJATG067DEYJ6FA6Y&pd_rd_wg=5Gl9o&pd_rd_r=a05c56de-b8c8-4d92-be44-928013434cc1&pd_rd_i=B0C6LRXR7W&psc=1&ref_=pd_bap_m_grid_dv_rp_0_68_pr_pr1_t

biscuitsandbooks · 18/12/2024 19:52

Try and remember that Christmas is just one day - you can do all the things you planned another time. I get it's disappointing but there are so many other things you can do, and so many other ways you can celebrate.

SpiritOfEcstasy · 18/12/2024 19:46

I have a very small family. DH & 2 teen DDs. DH (not DDs DF) decided nine days ago he didn’t want to be married to me anymore. It took him seven years to figure that out … so just the three of us now. I’m sorry you can’t have the days out that you planned. But you have painting, cooking, reading, relaxing to look forward to. Ans it sounds like you have a great DH. Sometimes we really just need to count our blessings …

WorriedRelative · 18/12/2024 19:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

emmax1980 · 18/12/2024 19:28

Christmas is what you make of it. You can do days out anytime, enjoy time with your husband. Things unfortunately don't always work out how they are planned.

Slimmermama · 18/12/2024 19:19

It's hard when you build so much on one time of the year. However, it can work out to be very positive. One year I had endocarditis and another year shingles. In bed for 6 weeks and 10 weeks respectively. Christmas was quiet but it was so needed. Time to recuperate, take stock, relax and spend time with family without mad timescales and expense. Different may be what you both need without realising it yet

Cassandra28 · 18/12/2024 19:02

When my husband died 2 years ago me and the 2 adult kids said "f&ck to the world", watched crap on the tv and lots of films, ate what we wanted and is now a tradition we follow. I have no other family and my late husband's have disappeared.
Since then we have carers in for me(severe arthritis) and my disabled daughter first thing in the morning donned in Christmas jumpers on top of uniform. We both need help to get up in the mornings whilst my son does breakfast. Christmas is about celebrating among ourselves remembering my late husband (their father).
There are times when all plans fly out of the window.

yeahwhatev · 18/12/2024 18:20

Sorry to hear you've been through the mill, sounds like a rough few month. You might find that having a relaxing Christmas to recharge your batteries is actually just what you need and you'll feel a lot more energy come new year. I would reschedule all the plans for weekends in Jan and Feb to look forward to - this is a great way to start 2025 apart from anything else. I would also order some nice fairy lights to make your home festive and cosy, along with ingredients for cocktails for stay at home fun! (I also have terrible back pain periodically - getting drunk sometimes helps tbh!!)

You might also think about booking a meal out on NYE if your husband's back is up to it by then? This guarantees a bit of collective festive atmosphere which sounds like what you're craving atm.

In terms of meeting others in your new area, perhaps just pick one or two things you enjoy (choir, walks, volunteering whatever) and see what happens. From your post it sounded like you're planning to have kids in the future (sorry if I'm mistaken on this) which also invariably brings new connections and relationships so there's no mad rush to make it all happen at once.

Hope you and DH feel better in 2025 and enjoy a cosy and relaxing Christmas with him and your mum.

independentfriend · 18/12/2024 18:11

If your husband is ok being left alone you could look at volunteering at activities for homeless/ elderly / lonely people if that kind of thing exists where you are.

I also like the idea of contrariness - doing all sorts of things you're not 'supposed' to be doing - DIY, maybe sales shopping etc.

DottieMoon · 18/12/2024 15:01

No offense but you sound very over dramatic and immature. Making a bigger deal of the situation. There is nothing terrible happening and I can’t see how Christmas is ‘ruined’. First world problems. Give your head a wobble.

andIsaid · 18/12/2024 14:35

3OrangeCats · 17/12/2024 20:09

I love Christmas and I enjoy all the hype leading up to the day and everything about the season. I've booked leave from Dec 19th - Jan 05th as has DH and planned our menu and vacation activities since October.

But life isn't cooperating with me.

In late Nov, I got terrible, food poisoning which threw my back out and triggered an excruciating sciatica flare where I couldn't walk. Thanks to a steroid shot and strong painkillers, I was on the mend and THEN I got the flu. Full-on chills , headache, fever, fatigue etc. THEN, the flu and sore throat triggered my asthma so I spent the next week having coughing fits and being unable to sleep.

Throughout my illnesses, DH has been very supportive and caring and has never once complained.

Finally last Saturday, I was feeling great, DH's work projects were finally wrapped up and it felt like Christmas could finally start....and THEN, DH's sciatica flared up. What are the chances?! He can't sit at all and driving is out of the question. He got morphine, an NSAID shot and a steroid but there's been little improvement. He's going for an MRI tomorrow but it's not looking likely that he will be able to do much for the next 2-3 weeks.

I am so sad to see him in so much pain but also because all our plans now have to be cancelled and I feel terrible even thinking that. I can't drive and even if I could, DH can't sit in the car to be driven anywhere. I don't live in the UK and public transport here is terrible so I'm pretty much stuck at home. My MH was already a bit low what with being sick for 2-3 weeks and now this. I know I sound whiny and am feeling sorry for myself but I just want somewhere to vent as I don't want DH to see me like this and feel bad. He is so kind and attentive when I am unwell and wouldn't care a bit about cancelling Christmas if the shoe was on the other foot.

To make matters worse, this is just exacerbating some other issues I have with this time of year. I'm an only child and my dad died when I was 14. DH and I don't have kids yet and he's not very close with his siblings so our circle can sometimes feel small and especially so this time of year. I guess I would feel a lot better if I was surrounded by a large happy bunch and it wasn't just me, DH and my mum at home for the holiday season. I am quite introverted and have a small circle of friends but of course everyone is busy with their families at this time, so while we do have a few lunches and days out planned, I will be spending most of my vacation at home.

I know I need to prioritise getting my license (failed my test in October) as that would help but how do I:

enjoy this particular Christmas? I have some shows lined up to watch, I'll still cook some nice things, I plan to read a lot, as well as do some painting which I've recently taken up. But it's a far cry from the days out and dinners and activities previously planned.
How do I expand my circle? I suppose having a child will help but where I live does not have the opportunities the UK does. There are few hobby groups, book clubs, Meetup isn't a thing. It just feels like if you don't have a large birth or in-law family or a huge friendship group from school, you can't expand your circle much as an adult.
Please tell me if anyone else is facing a Christmas they didn't anticipate. It helps to have perspective sometimes and I know this is very much a first world problem.
Any sciatica tips if you've had it and couldn't sit? Wishful thinking, but I thought I'd ask.

Thank you so much if you have read this far.

Buy yourself the Nigel Slater "Christmas Chronicles."

It is an ode to winter rather than Christmas and all about dialing down, going slow, sweet moments, cozy at home (there is a lovely read along thread on Mumsnet). You can dip in and out of the book.

My advice would be: don't try to make this something it is not.

Work with what you have, not what you think it should be.

Make what you have truly lovely

By the way? Happy Christmas!

Wellthisisnewandunwelcome · 18/12/2024 14:26

@Iloveyoubut 💐

Tired88p85 · 18/12/2024 14:13

@Tired88p85 that sucks, I'm sorry. We're actually looking at moving back to the UK next year as we have a baby and I have found it very claustrophobic being stuck in the house (baby was born at height of summer).

Original poster

3OrangeCats · 18/12/2024 13:54

@Tired88p85 Yep, I am in Trinidad. I love living in a beautiful sunny place but the heat, the crime, the lack of public transport - they can be very challenging.

I recently had an assessment with a psychologist and there's suspected autism (to be confirmed in the new year) which explains why despite being high-performing academically, I struggle to open up socially and also cannot seem to get over my mental block with driving. I did quite well in my driving classes but completely panicked on the day of the test. Anyway, as you said, now is a good time to at least set the dates for my new test and get things moving in that area again.

I appreciate the feedback, especially coming from someone who is familiar with the challenges of Caribbean life. 😊

OP posts:

Tired88p85 · 18/12/2024 12:54

@3OrangeCats yeah, I live on a Caribbean island too. We actually spend less time outside than we did in the UK and literally never walk anywhere, it's impossible and I feel for you on this front. But you really must prioritise getting a driving license, maybe revise for it now you have lots of time on your hands as you can't let this happen again. I got mine within 3 weeks of moving here as I quickly realised life would be unbearable without driving.

Topjoe19 · 18/12/2024 11:54

Sorry OP. Fuck sciatica & back pain. Hope you all feel better really soon. Be kind to yourselves.

Original poster

3OrangeCats · 18/12/2024 11:23

Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to reply, even the persons who have been firm - I wanted a good talking to.

Mornings are hard. I normally wake up excited for all the things I have planned and now I have to mentally recalibrate but I keep reminding myself that while the timing is bad, this is temporary and shall pass (hopefully soon).

Today is my last day in the office but I think I shall postpone the start of my vacation to Monday and WFH tomorrow and Friday which will hopefully keep my mind off things and I can use those days next year.

To those who asked if I can't arrange any other transport, I live in a Caribbean island, which while very developed compared to the other islands and usually a nice place to live, suffers from several major problems. One is very high crime including murder and kidnapping so I am hesitant to use taxis and we no longer have Uber etc. here. We also have terrible public transport. To give an example, we have 2 major cities - the capital and another one, I live in the latter. I went to the capital last week - it took an hour and 15 minutes just to get a bus from my city and on the return journey, I got to the bus terminus at 3:15 and was told the next bus would be there at 8:00 p.m. I ended up having no choice but to take 2 taxis and got home at 6:45 despite the distance being no more than 60-90 minutes drive. It's a mess and unless you have your own car, very limiting. And yes, my DH is a saint. He drives me all over without complaint but that clearly has to stop and soon.

But once more, thank you so much for all your kind words. Just having so many strangers take the time to cheer me up, give advice or relate their own experience, has been so touching and I truly appreciate it. I wish everyone here a very Merry Christmas and the happiest of New Years, whatever that means for you. 💗

OP posts:

Susanisnotmyrealname · 18/12/2024 05:37

Physio worked for me for sciatica. She gave me exercises to do, but also massages and acupuncture. I was better after a few weeks and it went away completely after 5-6 weeks. Amasing!

Petrasings · 18/12/2024 05:28

I have realised this year that the building up of Christmas to such an extent is utterly toxic. It’s taken me fifty years to see that this is extremely unhealthy for most people, with such expectations it’s hard to see how it can’t end in failure as we are all human! We have human things happen to us.

Christmas for most of us is simply some good food and a few presents. It’s nothing more, nothing less. It’s almost like we are being collectively brainwashed to believe that it is the be all and end all. It’s one day of many - and can be enjoyed in multiple ways.

Notmanyleftnow · 18/12/2024 00:58

Also diazepam if his muscles have gone into spasm.