Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What time do you expect your partner home from a night out?

209 replies

Tiredmummyx · 17/12/2024 20:09

My partner has gone on Christmas do with his work mates tonight at some pub I don’t know where. He never goes out so I’m totally fine with this.

He has been working a lot of overtime recently (12 hour shifts) and I am home with DS (2 years old) all day every day and he clings me to constantly. We don’t have anyone to have him for us so I don’t get a break.

ive been out more than DP has throughout the relationship, but not much (I can’t remember the last time I went out) and was always home around 9PM after originally going out late afternoon.

He left for the do this morning at 10.50am, and is still out now. I text him at 7:40pm after I hadn’t heard a peep from him all day (I don’t expect him to text me all day long while he’s out, but one text would have been nice) asking when he expects to be back home because I have to lock the door if I go to bed (there’s only one key). He told me he will be back in another few hours and is audibly very drunk.

Just feeling a bit pissed off. I haven’t had a break without DS for a very long time and he’s very clingy (I love him to bits) and he’s been able to go out from morning till late at night drinking while I’m still home with DS. I understand he also needs a break but where is mine? Is going out in the morning and returning home late at night when you have a 2 year old and partner unreasonable?

Sure the brigade will be along soon to call me insecure and controlling (not sure how when I left him alone all day and didn’t call him until nearly 8PM).

Also pissed off he expects me to sit up and wait for him without giving me a time, clearly late though, to let him back in, when I’m absolutely shattered.

OP posts:
StarryNoit · 17/12/2024 20:40

I wouldn't expect DH (or me if I was the one going out) to be home from a Xmas night out until 11ish. Especially if he hardly ever goes out.

If you wanted a night out would he be ok with it?

It sounds like the only issue here is having 1 key. I'd go to bed with my phone on and tell him to call on his way home, or put the key out under a plant pot.

WeRateSquirrels · 17/12/2024 20:40

Jennyathemall · 17/12/2024 20:36

So many unnecessary MN posts could be avoided if people just got some spare keys cut. Won’t somebody think of the Timpson’s!

I know right?! WTAF is it with people on here and keys?

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 17/12/2024 20:39

Works Christmas party's usually start around 11/12 and I wouldn't be home/expect my husband home from his until midnight. It's basically the same as a day of work then a night out.

Your problem is only having set of keys and needing the keys to lock the door. If my husband forgets his keys I just leave a key outside then lock from the inside, but ours is a newer lock that doesn't use the key. Give him a cut off and if he's any later he'll need to go to a hotel as you'll have locked the door

petedicks · 17/12/2024 20:39

DrDoVeryLittle · 17/12/2024 20:33

My only request is that he keeps in touch e.g moving on to another pub, could be late etc. Just so I don't worry he's had an accident. But this only applies because he pulls his weight at home, and doesn't go out very often. So I'm happy for him to go have a good time.

If a man wrote this we'd be concerned the woman was in an abusive relationship

Divebar2021 · 17/12/2024 20:38

I noticed you don’t have a babysitter… why don’t you find a childminder who does some babysitting in the evening so you can both go out at times? It’s good to have someone who can help out too in any emergency situation.

Nicknacky · 17/12/2024 20:38

DrDoVeryLittle · 17/12/2024 20:36

I just meant, won't be home as early as expected.

Show quote history

That’s not what you said. And he is only allowed to do it because he pulls his weight?

Maraa · 17/12/2024 20:37

Honestly, as a one off, I would say let him go and enjoy it and when you get the chance, you go and do the same. You’ve said yourself it isn’t often he goes out. Parenting is hard, I’m saying this as someone who hasn’t had a day or minute to myself in two months with my partner working overseas. I’m exhausted, however when he is back, I won’t deny him time with his friends as he deserves it. However, a girly night in the pub with a bottle of red will also be on the agenda

Nicknacky · 17/12/2024 20:37

Jennyathemall · 17/12/2024 20:36

So many unnecessary MN posts could be avoided if people just got some spare keys cut. Won’t somebody think of the Timpson’s!

Nah they would just find something else to moan about.

There was a thread the other day because the poster was annoyed her H came home quietly and slept on the sofa as requested but she hadn’t heard him come in so had blanked him for three days

Userengage · 17/12/2024 20:37

DrDoVeryLittle · 17/12/2024 20:33

My only request is that he keeps in touch e.g moving on to another pub, could be late etc. Just so I don't worry he's had an accident. But this only applies because he pulls his weight at home, and doesn't go out very often. So I'm happy for him to go have a good time.

Jesus H.

AngelontopoftheTree · 17/12/2024 20:36

3am

DrDoVeryLittle · 17/12/2024 20:36

Nicknacky · 17/12/2024 20:34

Why do you need to know he has moved pub? Why would that stop you worrying about an accident?

Show quote history

I just meant, won't be home as early as expected.

Spirallingdownwards · 17/12/2024 20:36

Tiredmummyx · 17/12/2024 20:16

So will it then be acceptable for me to leave at 11am in the morning and come home at daft o clock silly drunk while he stays home with the toddler then?

Show quote history

Yes why wouldn't it?

Jennyathemall · 17/12/2024 20:36

So many unnecessary MN posts could be avoided if people just got some spare keys cut. Won’t somebody think of the Timpson’s!

skippy67 · 17/12/2024 20:36

DrDoVeryLittle · 17/12/2024 20:33

My only request is that he keeps in touch e.g moving on to another pub, could be late etc. Just so I don't worry he's had an accident. But this only applies because he pulls his weight at home, and doesn't go out very often. So I'm happy for him to go have a good time.

Blimey.

CandiedPrincess · 17/12/2024 20:35

Jeez, having just ready all your posts, you've got a seriously touchy attitude OP, no wonder he wants to stay out.

petedicks · 17/12/2024 20:35

DrDoVeryLittle · 17/12/2024 20:33

My only request is that he keeps in touch e.g moving on to another pub, could be late etc. Just so I don't worry he's had an accident. But this only applies because he pulls his weight at home, and doesn't go out very often. So I'm happy for him to go have a good time.

What the actual fuck?

Notjustanychristmaspud · 17/12/2024 20:35

Oh and re the key I would just leave the door unlocked tbh.

CandiedPrincess · 17/12/2024 20:34

Tiredmummyx · 17/12/2024 20:13

how can I lock the door then put the key outside?

Show quote history

Do you seriously only have one key?

Nicknacky · 17/12/2024 20:34

DrDoVeryLittle · 17/12/2024 20:33

My only request is that he keeps in touch e.g moving on to another pub, could be late etc. Just so I don't worry he's had an accident. But this only applies because he pulls his weight at home, and doesn't go out very often. So I'm happy for him to go have a good time.

Why do you need to know he has moved pub? Why would that stop you worrying about an accident?

Notjustanychristmaspud · 17/12/2024 20:34

It’s only 8pm, YABU. I’m at home all day with my baby and DH often isn’t back from work until now, having left at 7am.

The 12 hour shifts and tonight are separate issues. Can you put DC in nursery so you get a break?

BendingSpoons · 17/12/2024 20:34

The main issue is the keys. My work do started at 1.30 and I got home at 11.30. Others were out until 2am. I'm not a big drinker but enjoy the Christmas do.

CandiedPrincess · 17/12/2024 20:34

When he's home he's home.

Same for me to be fair. I don't usually give an eta.

DrDoVeryLittle · 17/12/2024 20:33

My only request is that he keeps in touch e.g moving on to another pub, could be late etc. Just so I don't worry he's had an accident. But this only applies because he pulls his weight at home, and doesn't go out very often. So I'm happy for him to go have a good time.

Uyay · 17/12/2024 20:32

It’s one night so it wouldn’t really bother me, if you can’t leave the key somewhere, just go to bed and get him to ring when he’s back to be let in.

Thethruththewholetruth · 17/12/2024 20:32

Christ I’d hate to be married to someone like this, do people really begrudge their partners a bit of fun now and again! The child will be in bed by now anyway so I don’t really see why it matters. I mean what adult doesn’t have their own keys?!? All sounds very petty and uptight personally.