What time do you expect your partner home from a night out?

No, she goes out more, but not much more.

If you're going to try and pick holes, do read properly first.

Not only does she not go out much, but when she goes out its afternoon til mid evening, not morning to late at night.

@Tiredmummyx I do think its unreasonable to piss off out without a 'expected return timeframe' and if there is one, rude not to stick to that generally.

It is also rude for there to be double standards, that he can just piss off and stay out as long as he likes whereas you're expected not to do that and if you did, there'd be a row about it.

My husband left the house this morning at 7.30am to go do a morning shift at work and then go on a work lunch/team event this afternoon and this evening. I have done a full day at work and have just spent the evening feeding, bathing and putting our 3 children to bed.

I hope my husband is having a lovely time and I expect him to arrive home when he’s finished having a lovely time. Maybe sometime around 11pm-1am.

Your main problem is that he doesn’t have a key to get in. You need to go to bed with the volume left on your phone and then he can all you when he’s 2 mins away and needs to be let in. It’s annoying, it’s happened with my husband before, but don’t martyr yourself and stay up, just go to bed.

I don’t have expectations. My DH is an adult and can come home when he chooses.

One key is wild! Get one cut, asap.

Key aside, I wouldn't expect my partner back at any decent hour from a works Christmas party.

Mine had his at the beginning of the month that coincide with a friends 30th.

He went out at 9am, came home for 7pm to come to the party, and then at 12:30 am when we were getting a taxi back home he hopped out as we passed the town centre to go join his mates again.

I have no idea what time he got in - which is why I would struggle if we ever moved to a house without a spare room. Doesn't matter if it's 10pm or 3am, he knows better than to try and sleep in our bedroom if he's been out 🤣

YABU to expect him before closing time.

Most people have this thing...I think it's called a s-p-a-r-e.

No limit on when a partner / spouse should come home from a night out... theoretically.

I think in the situation you describe, where he knows you are going to be exhausted from childcare, seemingly hasn't shared any vague idea of what he plans and is relying on you to stay up to let him in, his lack of communication is really unfair.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a parent of a 2-year-old staying out all day and night drinking frankly, but only on the basis that:

• it isn't so frequent that the other parent is left to handle things alone a lot
• they make up for the extra hard work the other parent is having to do both that day and the next day (during the inevitable hangover) by providing the other parent with a similar opportunity for a break / fun activity of their choice in the near future
• the rough parameters of how long they might be out shared beforehand (even if just 'I don't know when I'll be back - it might be a very late one'), or at very least dramatic changes of plan are communicated respectfully. Definitely no frequent check-ins or curfews required but still no reason to blank the other parent all day and share no expectations at all!
• the person going out is not inconveniencing the other parent greatly / demanding the other parent disrupts their own evening or that of their child (see your partner's key issu; I am also thinking of a poster on here a while back whose partner expected her to pick him up from his drinking sessions late at night with the baby!).

Just my view.

Honestly I wouldn't even think of a time when I would "expect" him home. DH hardly ever goes out so I would want him to have fun.
In fact for his works do last week he booked a hotel room so he could have a drink and I picked him up from the station the next morning. He would (and has) done the same for me in the past.
I know it's hard with a toddler but it sounds like your DH deserves a night out. Hopefully you can arrange some time for yourself over Christmas too so you get a break.
And get a second key cut....

I have a 2YO and I know it’s hard but I’m sorry to say YABU you’re either OK with him going out or you’re not, and your clearly not. Your issue is that he’s getting a break that puts the work on you when you don’t get a break… but have you asked for one? It’s good to have space and time apart or it will end badly (the relationship that is). Let him have a nice night out and then organise your own.

Dont chase him up or make him feel bad as he’s doing nothing wrong, just make sure you get a lay in in the morning to make up for the late night.

Ayr, ok that’s what you meant.🤨

You are right, you sound really easy going!😂

How is it a "night out" when it started at 11.am?

Full day and night out....

As long you both get the chance to do this then I don’t think there is anything wrong with a blow out once in a while, particularly at this time of year

I don’t expect to be contacted when DH goes out and I don’t contact him. It’s a case of see you when I see you. It’s the same when I go out

So you're happy for him to enjoy himself because he's behaving in the right way? Do you punish him when he misbehaves? Have a sticker chart?

How do you lock up if the key is outside under a plant pot?

If it was my husband, I wouldn't expect him to get home before midnight at the very earliest, or lots later if the pub has a lock in.

OP you sound so resentful about one do. Your mistake was letting him leave without finding his key and taking it.
I’d be truly peed off if my OH begrudged me a night out to this extent. I’ve been out all day/night and left the children home with him - he hasn’t felt the need to check in with me. Surely your DC is in bed by now.
Go to bed and he can ring when he gets in, cut the guy some slack.

"moving on to another pub, could be late" : so that is what I said, or what I meant anyway. Could be later because going on somewhere else?

You said he needs to text you when he is moving pub. I’m not the only one that finds that bizarre and controlling. You should have a think about that.

In cases of more accrued partner points, it can also extend to include a lie in and morning off parenting the next day too.

Lol @Humdinger254 We normally give each other until about 12pm the next day, then up and at them. Luckily I am more capable of being 'up and at them' than DH is. I don't suffer with hangovers!

Zero expectations.
I once woke up at 6 am and he wasn’t back so I rang then and he was still up at a friend’s house!

I'd expect him back when he gets back and definitely wouldn't be expecting him home 8pm.
You don't have to wait up for him if you don't want to. Lock the door and tell him to text/call when he's outside. I certainly wouldn't be telling him to come home before I went to bed.

Well we are pretty fifty fifty so yes, it's not like he's leaving me at home with the baby, so I'm happy for him to go out with friends and enjoy himself. This doesn't seem wrong?

So will it then be acceptable for me to leave at 11am in the morning and come home at daft o clock silly drunk while he stays home with the toddler then?

Err yeah? I've done it. DH doesn't bat an eyelid.

Several points @Tiredmummyx none of which are unreasonable but perhaps it's the framing;

1. What time he's back
2. Relying on you to let him in
3. When you will get a break

1. It won't really matter what time he's back if he's drunk as he'll likely be neither use nor ornament
2. Tell him to ring you when he's outside, that way you can continue your evening without waiting until x time to roll round. Yes you'll get woken up BUT it just means there's only one irritation rather than repeated "when will you be back / where are you / you said you'd be back 20 mins ago etc etc". Get a couple of spare keys sorted ASAP.
3. You've been doing the hard slog so get your next night out / day off booked into the diary. You're owed some time back. Think of this as banking your partner "points" to cash in.

For me and DH whenever there is drink involved we have a mutual understanding that whoever is out is effectively off duty until the next day. Doesn't matter if it's day or evening drinking. Come back whatever hour you want, but ensure you don't disrupt the house coming in and can function the next day. In cases of more accrued partner points, it can also extend to include a lie in and morning off parenting the next day too.