What time do you expect your partner home from a night out?

But were you out from 11.00 am?

Well what time did he get back at ?

My DH usually sends me a text saying 'Rover' our dog won't lister to reason and has had more than a couple to warn me he's going to be late and or silly when he comes in. Makes me laugh every time

YABU - he'll be home when he's home - your child is 2 and should be sleeping if DH is late as should you. You should have sorted the key issue - if he's late he can wake you up - this might take a while- it's not the end of the world. Organise a Christmas do of your own next time - I flew to London to babysit for DD as she's on Mat leave - she left at middday saying it would be boring and she'd be home late afternoon. She was home at 1130pm. Her DH also went out for the evening after work taking advantage of my presence. On a scale of 1-10 my irritation at her late return was zero - i was pleased she was having fun and trusted me with DGS.

So many threads about this subject this year. Don't really get it

I think the issue is that a lot of women with very young children don't feel they should stay out all night drinking and spend the next day in bed. They feel they have obligations to be there for their child and can't afford to spend a day incapable with a hangover this close to Christmas. They have made a transition to 'responsible parent' and prioritise family life at all times, and expect their partner to do so too. A reciprocal night out isnt the answer, because its often less about fairness and more about what she believes parents should do.
So when he announces the work do, she tries to set harm limitations so he will still be able to pull his weight, extracting promises about amount he'll drink, time he'll be home and so on.
He agrees, sometimes with good intent, often just to shut her up thinking he'll worry about it later.
Then the entirely predictable happens, he's late, she sends the annoyed message, and he, egged on by his mates, decides he might as well get hung for a sheep as a lamb.
I think if this is an occasional thing, the only resolve is to accept, as its really not reasonable to object to the odd night out however much you think its not something you'd do.

It is absolutely fine for someone, especially someone who doesn't go out very much to be out all day. You keep saying you've never been out from the morning to late at night but the important question is, if you were to do this, how would your DP react ? I can understand you being annoyed if he's said you can never do this but if you've never done it just because you haven't fancied it then it's not really his problem. Honestly it's not a big deal. My husband and I often go away/to friends houses over night and neither of us resents the other for it.

If it was a day drinking thing I'd expect him back by about 11.30 after pubs close. If an evening thing, about 2.30 after nightclubs closed. But I'd be fine for those plans to change so long as he texted. If he didn't text, then I'd be worried something could have happened to him.

Certainly wouldn't be sitting there moaning about looking after my son on my own or worrying about letting him in, because everyone I've ever lived with had their own keys, as I had mine. If for some reason there was only one set of keys I'd lock up and text him to say 'text me when you're back and I'll let you in'.

Why are there so many people on Mumsnet who only have one set of keys to their house?! I swear every weekend there's one where someone is pissed off because they only have one set and it's causing the obvious conflict when someone is out.

My husband comes home whenever he chooses. He doesn't usually give me a time or text me until he's on the train/getting in the car. Even then I don't wait up for him, I just see the text when I wake up in the night (we sleep in separate rooms often). I'd be concerned if he wasn't home by midnight because it's very out of character but I wouldn't be angry.

I'd expect my DH to come back when he said he would and I'd expect him to lock up after himself and not make any noise. There seem to be a lot of guys on here this year though who've gone out without their keys or they need a loft or something and for that reason they need the OP to stay up for them so they aim to come home by 10 but then stay out till much later. I used to work with guys like that, half the night they'd be "oh I'd better go outside the phone the missus" and talking about brownie points and all this stuff - it's like they love being torn between staying out and coming home. I bet their wives were just thinking "just give me a rough eta so I don't have to start phoning the hospitals"

Mine came home around 12.30 from his Christmas do and let himself in. I was asleep. If he'd lost his keys however I would have expected him to have got another cut before going out. There are places everywhere and it takes minutes.

The issue here is less about the time coming back and more about the fact you have to stay up as he has no key.

I'm with you on this one op.

If he knew there was only one set of keys, then he's being inconsiderate to make you stay up late to let him in. If I knew I had to let someone in throughout the night I wouldn't be able to sleep properly.

I hope he came back at a reasonable hour.

Can’t believe a grown adult has a “curfew”!!!

Once teens get to 18 they get back when they want.

I am married to an adult so he has his own set of keys and no curfew.

Why doesn't he have his own key? Do you live together? Expecting him home at 9pm is ridiculous especially if he doesn't go out often.

I agree. You sound more like a couple of kids playing house than an actual functioning adult household.

At 8pm, the night has barely begun!

I wouldn't expect him home at any particular time from any night out (and vice versa). But I wouldn't ever wait up for him, be expected to wait up for him, or expect him to wait up for me either. Once DP or I are on a night out, we handle our own timings. If I'm at home I don't really give his timings a second thought.

That's not actually the issue though as the batshit thing is he's knowingly left the house without his own key. That's just not something adults do, especially if they're going properly out.

I consider myself a fairly forgetful and disorganised person so all this talk of forgetting keys, losing keys, getting into a situation where you only have one key between the two of you and leaving the house without a means of getting back into it is just idiocy to me. If I can manage not to do those things anyone can.

If DP was on a night out and had forgotten his keys (which has never happened) he would just have to come home early (as would I). I'm not waiting up for him and I'd be livid if he woke me (and I sleep deeply, so no guarantee that would be possible).

I mean it’s too late now but I would have told him if he isn’t back by xx time (when you want to go to bed) he should sort out where to sleep and come back the next day.

Whenever they want to.

I would be fuming if on a rare night out my partner was nagging and whining about me coming home late. I got home from my Christmas party at 1am, same as the colleagues I was out with.

What is with all the key threads, he comes home when he comes home like i do because we are grown usp, so grown up we have our own keys

How do you live your lives without both having a key to your house? Do you just stay in and wait for him all day until he’s back from work?

I'd 'expect' him to come home when he's ready. He's a grown man. But I would also expect him to have his own key.

Agree with the majority of posts here. i would also often give oh a pass until midday the next day and vice versa, but we discuss beforehand.

The main thing that baffles me about this is that you haven’t had a conversation about it before. Idk why he didn’t give you an idea of time he expects to be back. But then if you’re so bothered about it, it’s weird you didn’t ask, so he’s probably just assumed it doesn’t matter. Noones a mind reader!

If he's planning on getting blotto then I expect him to get a hotel.

Otherwise whatever, just don't wake me up.