Marriage for older couple with large wealth disparity

I have a NW of roughly £1.5M. DP has a good job and earns quite well (very proud of her) but she only has savings of around 70K. And I do out-earn her currently by around 4X.

*We've done 3½ years, never actually lived together (wanted to but were unable to due to circumstances outside our control), and spent most of the last year in couple's counselling.

We're not currently in a place where we should be talking about marriage at all in my opinion.*

So your relationship is in crisis which is why she is trying to lock in not just the continuing relationship but a legal hold on your £1.5m. She's realised what her future looks like without you in it and only earning only a quarter of what you do. No early retirement in her 50s and traveling the world if you split up.

But I would also say you are possibly a bit naive with your expectations. How do you split finances now? Presumably she can't really afford the type of holidays you go on now. Do you 'treat' her to them? Are they your choice re timing, location etc? As the higher earner holding the purse strings, are dates and activities all what you want to do? I would hate that feeling of being a kept woman having to do what you want to do as you were treating me.

You say you would leave your money to her children if you stayed together. Are you older than her? Men have a shorter life expectancy than women so what would happen if you died prematurely in another decade or two? You leave your money to her kids and she spends the last 10-15 years of her life in poverty while possibly kicked out of the home she shared with you. If you love someone and want to have a future with them it can't be entirely on your terms. Their financial security should also be important to you. You don't want to share your wealth 50/50 but what do you think is reasonable provision to make for her now, if you are together for 10 years, 20 etc.

I think your instincts are spot on here. She's pushing for the better deal.

I'm sorry, but better you find out now. I'd be saying "Don't let the door hit you on the way out".

That's an awful lot of assumptions you're making just because she's a woman!

Call her bluff. She sounds a bit of a gold digger.

@JustSomeRamdomGuy I'm sorry I disagree, it was almost identical and everybody told you then not to marry her and all the advice you had then is repeated here. I don't know what you think is going to be different. I mean this kindly, but you're being a bloody idiot. I appreciate you love her children and there is nothing to stop you leaving money to them if you so wish but her motive is absolutely not pure and as I've said a hundred times you'd be making a very big mistake.

If she truly loves you why would she be so concerned about how much money she would gain if you ever divorced? This is not something that ever crossed my mind when I married. There is absolutely no way I would marry anyone without living with them.

Given your last update, I've no idea why you are even asking us what we think. It's so obvious that marrying this woman would be madness.

Please don't buy a house with this woman. On a previous post you wrote she was unsure if she even wanted to be with you. So many red flags.

If you've never lived together and you spend one year of your 3.5 year long relationship in therapy, I don't think you should be talking about marriage at all.

It's strange she seemed to be so aggressive and in a rush about the marriage topic.

Just to put forward another perspective;

It is likely that she will build your home, your social life, community, friends etc - ie "life" whilst you're working all hours. And if you split up, given the very clearly stated disparity in incomes, she'll likely lose all of this as she won't be able to buy you out of your joint home (whereas you will, and will get to stay in the lovely joint home, community, friends that she had worked hard to create).

This is precisely why I would never in a million years agree to what you're proposing.

I am sympathetic to your situation, but unable to help. We earned everything we have during our marriage. I earned more at the start and less after DC but we have both contributed, just never equally in the same years. Starting a new relationship I would be protecting my past earnings for my DC. If you don't have DC, I think I'd be more happy go lucky about where my money went.

She’s brazen! She’s not even being sneaky about it. Crikey.

The more you say about this relationship, the worse it sounds.

As someone going through a very difficult divorce and we don't even have much money I would say protect yourself at all costs. The courts are all about being fair in divorces now and even though I put the deposit in to our current property because I didn't do any thing to protect it, I don't get anything back In return unless I pay a fortune I don't have to go to court. 🤬

and I've just spotted your later posts about how she thinks she would get more than half.
@JustSomeRamdomGuy run for the hills my friend. Trust your spidey senses on this. It doesn't smell right.

Fo you mind if I ask if this lady is from a different culture. I’ve lived in other countries and I saw a lot of this.

Money is incredibly emotive and you sound like you love your partner and would like to remain a couple. However you have explained your feelings and come up with what you consider a solution and that solution isn't acceptable to your partner. Therefore I can't really see how you can move forward as a couple. That's very sad but ultimately some things just aren't meant to be.

Don’t marry this woman. It’s as clear she has an eye on your money and you can be pretty sure she’d ask for a divorce after a year or two. Do not do it.

If this is real, which it probably isn't, then clearly you should run like the wind.

You could accuse her of similar. That she seems to place no value on your love and future but is happy to leave now if you don't promise half your wealth should the marriage fail. If she loved you, she'd want to make a go of the marriage not strop off at the wealth disparity. If I were you, I'd be put off by the manipulation as well as the greed.

We have a similar situation regarding me earning a lot more than my other half. She however has family money tied up in property and on paper it evens itself out. That said, day to day running costs of our life fall mainly to me. It took about 10 years of us being together before we felt ready to get married. A lot of that was needing to trust each other completely and to combine our lives completely with no conditions. Everything goes into one account and everything goes out of it. We have the same amount each month goes into our personal spends accounts so we can still surprise each other for birthdays and Christmas etc.
Your financial proposition makes sense in a detached non-emotional way. It also has an undercurrent of you not fully trusting your partner to not take you for a ride. If you're insisting on a pre-nup it also suggests you're not completely committed for the long-term. Can you make a time to sit down and really talk everything through, and share your fears etc? It might help you to understand each others perspective and find a way to move forward.

You sound very nice and I’m really sorry this is turning out in such a way. But yeah, I remember your other thread now, and I think she has decided she wants what you’ve got but not with you. Who knows why.

Based on what has been said in both threads... you need to drop the rope OP, walk/run and don't look back. You know the saying... when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
All this crap she's saying that she's not sure she loves you etc (see other thread). More red flags than the CCP. Sorry OP.