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Original poster

Divorce SUCKS

212 replies

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 18:48

My Husband has multiple affairs, just about destroys my mental sanity and I'm the one that will potentially lose my home and have to downsize with two children and start again.

However, he earns mega money and can be pleased to go on and live life and rebuild to the level we've been at.

It seems so unfair that men can do this...

Quick call from a divorce lawyer and turns out I really cannot afford to leave him and will probably have to keep trying until I break in half. 😔

OP posts:
calmandcollected101 · 17/12/2024 20:13

Do you work?

Or will you need to go back to work?

You'll find your peace and freedom with your children even if it is a lifestyle change financially/materialisitically

It's worth more than anything. I left my ex who earned millions and I now live in a flat with my DS. But I'm rebuilding and will soon be in a very good financial position due to career.

It will feel liberating not having to stress/worry about an unfaithful man

GivingitToGod · 17/12/2024 20:09

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:08

You're so right. I'm terrified to make the jump.

Show quote history

Understandably so. Is their a close friend or family members who you can lean on during the process?.

Gloriia · 17/12/2024 20:09

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:07

@Gloriia he's at home, we're separated and living separate lives. We get on fairly well most of the time. It's not always awful.

Oh well that is something that there aren't arguments at home, upsetting though the situation is obviously.
Do your family and friends know?

Catza · 17/12/2024 20:09

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 19:48

@applestewing I won't be able to buy here which means moving schools, moving far out where I have no family and friends.

Well, look at it this way. At the moment you have a nice house and a dick husband. When you move you will have a smaller nice house and no dick husband. Excellent state of affairs if you ask me.

Original poster
WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:08

He's also in complete denial I think.

OP posts:
GivingitToGod · 17/12/2024 20:08

Your children have you to love and care for them. You are very unhappy and deserve peace and happiness.
You are in a very dark place right now and have to deal with this in bite sized pieces. I really hope that you find the strength to make the required changes

Original poster
WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:08

Delatron · 17/12/2024 20:07

Take the good job you’ve been offered.

Kids are adaptable at that age. Yes it’s upsetting leaving the family home. It will be hard for the next few years but you will be much better off in the long term.

You're so right. I'm terrified to make the jump.

OP posts:
Original poster
WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:07

@Gloriia he's at home, we're separated and living separate lives. We get on fairly well most of the time. It's not always awful.

OP posts:
Delatron · 17/12/2024 20:07

Take the good job you’ve been offered.

Kids are adaptable at that age. Yes it’s upsetting leaving the family home. It will be hard for the next few years but you will be much better off in the long term.

notatinydancer · 17/12/2024 20:05

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:01

@Gloriia

Thank you. Does it make it harder to leave in later years? Or leave now when they're young? I'm so scared of messing them up.

Better to do it now while they're young.
They'll forget things. They don't care about the house or where they live. Not in the middle of exams nor do they have long friendships.

Gloriia · 17/12/2024 20:04

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:01

@Gloriia

Thank you. Does it make it harder to leave in later years? Or leave now when they're young? I'm so scared of messing them up.

The 5yr old will settle into a new school fine. Much harder when they're older.
Where is your husband now, is he unpleasant at home or does he keep his distance to avoid any discussion?

Original poster
WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:03

Sorry, I must sound so focussed on just the house.

I just feel beside myself. I know people navigate this all the time but when it's you (and I've had plenty of adversity) I just want to scream. It's so fucking horrendous. Not to mention the gaslighting and lying has me wondering if I could even have another relationship ever again.

I feel on my knees. 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:01

@Gloriia

Thank you. Does it make it harder to leave in later years? Or leave now when they're young? I'm so scared of messing them up.

OP posts:
Original poster
WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 20:01

@GivingitToGod thank you, I appreciate that. I just cannot face any of this.

I feel like I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown and I know so many people go through so many more life changing events, but this is just soul destroying. I only ever wanted a solid family and loving marriage.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 17/12/2024 19:58

Start your job you have been offered and start divorce proceedings. After 6 months you will be able to apply for a mortgage plus having the equity from the family once divorce goes through.

arcticpandas · 17/12/2024 19:58

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 19:48

@applestewing I won't be able to buy here which means moving schools, moving far out where I have no family and friends.

But you will not live with someone who humiliates you every day. And you will make friends and so will your children. Family will always be there. It's not fair and he's an asshole for cheating. Just make sure to get cms involved quickly.

Gloriia · 17/12/2024 19:54

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 19:48

@applestewing I won't be able to buy here which means moving schools, moving far out where I have no family and friends.

But the kids are so young, better to do it now than in say 5 or 10yrs when they'll have established friendship groups and hobbies etc.
You'll make new friends and I'm sure family will support you and visit you. A different house will be a small price to pay for your sanity Flowers.

GivingitToGod · 17/12/2024 19:53

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 19:16

50/50 impossible...

He works non-stop. He can barely do 15%. I haven't returned to work since I had my children but have been offered a very good job.

I think my mental health will destroy me if I don't leave but I feel financial tied.

It's the classic, never lose your financial independence. I've been so fucking stupid.

Show quote history

Don't beat yourself up OP, you have 2 young children. You are a young woman who deserves a happy future. I understand your reluctance to not want to leave your home but would the equity enable you to buy a smaller property? You would be able to recreate a home for u and your children. I'm not underestimating the enormity of this but surely your peace of mind is priceless.
Staying with your husband will destroy you

CandiedPrincess · 17/12/2024 19:49

Sorry, anyone can divorce. Anyone can afford to divorce. It's an excuse to stay put in my experience and not face up to things.

You won't be as well off, that's a fact, but it's never ever impossible. You'll need a lifestyle change but that's the reality for anyone divorcing.

You're making a choice not to divorce base on wanting material things. That's going to be a whole lot worse for your kids in the long run.

Original poster
WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 19:48

@applestewing I won't be able to buy here which means moving schools, moving far out where I have no family and friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 19:48

@applestewing no, it's not a case of just moving house.

I'd have to uproot my entire life and my boys. When I asked for none of this. It's so much deeper than that. But yes, a big part is losing my home. I'm very sad to let go of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 19:46

redastherose · 17/12/2024 19:45

Better divorced and living somewhere much smaller at peace and being in charge of your own life than obligated to a cheating twat. Also, the longer you are out of the workplace the harder it is to catch up in your career.

I know.... I know this, I'm so angry at myself for letting the material things cloud my judgement.

OP posts:
applestewing · 17/12/2024 19:46

WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 19:37

Trust me. He's exceptional. I don't want to share too many personal details but I cannot keep my house because of the size of mortgage and the lock into my husband. The court would never allow it apparently - only in some cases.

I'd get a good maintenance but I still have to sell my home which seems so materialistic but the thought of uprooting my kids kills me. I live in London too, so it's not cheap.

Show quote history

Oh I see

So your op is a bit misleading then really. You can afford to leave him you’ll just need to move house…

redastherose · 17/12/2024 19:45

Better divorced and living somewhere much smaller at peace and being in charge of your own life than obligated to a cheating twat. Also, the longer you are out of the workplace the harder it is to catch up in your career.

Original poster
WineNeededPlease · 17/12/2024 19:37

applestewing · 17/12/2024 19:20

From your updates, I’d question how good your lawyer is tbh?

Have you checked how much csa you’d be entitled too? If ex won’t leave you can ask the court to decide what to do. Although practically it will be easier to sell tbh

but again your really good lawyer should be clued up on this

Trust me. He's exceptional. I don't want to share too many personal details but I cannot keep my house because of the size of mortgage and the lock into my husband. The court would never allow it apparently - only in some cases.

I'd get a good maintenance but I still have to sell my home which seems so materialistic but the thought of uprooting my kids kills me. I live in London too, so it's not cheap.

OP posts:
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