Divorce SUCKS

Of course they adore him. They are children. It's not a reason to stay.

Children often adore the parent who is less available, less loving, less present because they are insecurely attached to them.

Make the break OP, it will be better for all 3 of you.

Going through it now and in the nicest possible way you need to let yourself have a good cry and then put your big girl pants on and move things forward.
Tell your family and friends the truth; you will be surprised by the support available from them. Your home is just bricks, you can make anywhere a home; it's about the people in it not where you are. ( I am losing my home as well, you have to find a way to detach)
Yes things will change, yes things will be hard to start with but you deserve so much better and so do your children. Do not let them grow up thinking this is acceptable behaviour. You can do this, and you will be so much happier when you are through it all. You will be entitled to more than you think, part of his pension, maintenance for the kids, equity. Downsizing is nothing when you get to wake up and be respected in your own home,

We’re great.
My kids adored their father back then now they take the piss out of what a sorry character is.
I can give you so many tips as to how to handle this better than I did. I reacted far too much every time he pulled another stunt. I went bananas and screamed and shouted and sent shitty texts.
I wish I’d done the Grey rock technique google it. It’s brilliant.

You can stay and be unhappy but comfortably off. Or you can prepare yourself for financial hardship on your own. Only you can make that choice. Have you done your sums.

Then don't waste any more time. You've got this.

This was me in 2013.
Today I own three houses outright paid for, I just bought one daughter a car a crap car but it’s a car. I paid for driving lessons and driving tests for the other two.
We had six months on the absolute bones of our arses.
He took me to court numerous times and wasted every penny of the 60 grand equity in our house on Lawyer ‘s fees.

I will never trust another man again after the shitty put me through.
But financially, I’m fine.

You make it sound so easy. You can't just earn more. Sounds like op has been the main carer and as such would've had her earnings limited

Op, it will be hard. I got legal advice not so long ago and was shocked about how I would be left. It isn't like famous people walking away with loads of cash and assets.
What you will have is your children a smaller house which is yours and yours alone and not have the worry and humiliation of a twat husband. Stay strong.

In what way is he exceptional? You are not? Reframe it honey.

I'd rather have the sanity and start again than worry about him. He'll always cheat and have a crap life regardless of how much money he has. Money doesn't buy you happiness.

Seriously, kids adapt and you can do better. I felt like i was being ripped apart during my divorce, ruining the family etc etc but we now have an amazing lifestyle, wayyy better than if i'd stayed as his slave. I like to think iv provided a much better example to DD this wau

You can do this @WineNeededPlease , it may take adjustment but staying in a humiliating marriage where your husband is having sex with other women will eventually cause you to have a mental health breakdown . You also need to think of the role model you are portraying to your children .

As you are aware, it’s never good to give up your financial independence. I was always told that no man can ever be trusted and all women need a runaway fund . I hope you have a runaway fund?

Also one point to add when thinking of the children, of me and my siblings - half have no recollection of my parents marriage. As far as they can remember we have lived in a single parent family.
The other half remember it clearly.

The ones who don’t remember have happy, solid healthy marriages.

The ones who do remember has struggled with relationships our entire lives and constantly repeat our parents terrible marriage.

Make of that what you will.

Hi

This is so emotionally charged. Try and separate the material stuff ( I know very hard) to having your own life, Scary, horrible , worrying but what you need to learn is do not invest your whole life in another person fulfilling you. Women are so bad at this even in 2024. Why is there still the "man will look after me" . You give up careers, money earning potential to always be rescued by someone else usually for women a man? I read so many posts on here I can't leave I have no income , I rely on him. He controls it / manages it and I have no independence. This is 2024. The suffragettes rallied for us. I had nothing from my parents but I cleaned toilets, cleaned hotels, worked where I could to pay my own way. No one owned me. I am now very comfortably off, in a relationship for someone for 26 years who is absolutely great. I have a fantastic income that I created without him and still work at 62. I relied on no one to make my life apart from me. Please read the story of the suffragettes. In a past life I would have been one of them. Women stop relying on men/partners to make you complete. Get yourself stronger and take control! Best to all who have read this but you need to put in the emotional and physical graft too. Come on!!!!

the weird thing @WineNeededPlease is that the idea of it is far, far worse than the reality. If you think too much about it you will never do it, just jump...and then you will gather momentum, with the help of your solicitor. Much better to do this now whilst the kids are young and whilst you all have time to enjoy a bright and happy future when you get to it.

You can do this I promise, it feels like shit some days, but once it's done you will feel so much better...and you will be free.

What about your mental health OP and the message you are sending the kids?

I was the child in this. My father had repeated affairs….and children from those affairs and did not give two flying f*cks about my mother begging him to be better.

In the end she gave up. We were in a far worse position than you (as in literally no food in the house at times and spent a year technically homeless) but she said she had to leave for her self-respect and because of the message she was sending to her sons about the kind of men they should be and her daughters about what kind of treatment they should tolerate….

Fast forward years later and she is very comfortable in life, happily remarried for decades to my wonderful step-dad who was also an amazing influence on my brothers.

It sounds like financially you won’t struggle you just won’t have what you do now. What’s more important?

Also begging a man to stop cheating never works. If he wanted to stop he would have done so.

The kids will be fine, they’re so young they won’t really remember the change in circumstances. Later on it would be much harder for them. I also think that being away from such a toxic relationship will allow you to recover and heal- I imagine a big part of your current state of disregulation and misery is due to the lies and dishonesty in your marriage, which is a horrible way to live.