Divorce SUCKS

OP the longer you stay in this limbo the worse it is for your DCs. They should be your first priority.
Staying with a man who has emotionally and physically cheated on you for so long is not good for them to witness and believe me they will sense your unhappiness and confusion. Also, do you really want to wait until they are 18, learning that the way their father treats you is the normal way to treat women? Seriously?
You have some money and a job offer. Separate fully by moving into another home if your partner refuses to do so himself and start your divorce proceedings.
FWIW my DDs told me they wished I had divorced their father long before I actually did so I do speak with experience. I wish you lots of luck but you and your DCs will be much happier in the long run.

I’m glad you are forming a plan. But look, if he is going to be distraught at you leaving, why hasn’t he taken seriously your pain and deep distress over the period of time since you found out about the infidelity? These events have all been brought about by choices he has made, and not just once but repeatedly, over and over again.

You will be so much stronger than you think. And so much better off once you don’t have this emotional torment to deal with.

@WineNeededPlease just remember the reason you divorce someone is not because they are a bad Dad (umpire saying your DH is a good dad and I believe you), it's because they are bad HUSBAND.
He will still be a (good) Dad, or he can choose to still be one, after divorce....

There was a thread on x asking why women aren’t having children anymore.

This post, this is it.

Can't you get a 2 bed flat inthe same area with your new job and your divorce settlement?

@WineNeededPlease It really is your choice at the end of the day. I couldn't stay with someone who had multiple affairs. I couldn't stay with someone who had one but multiple I wouldn't even entertain the thought for one minute.

Hand on your heart, do you think he would be capable of change?

Well - he may be running around trying to soothe his soul after being raised by a cold uncaring mother.

Or, he may be running around giving payback after being raised by a cold uncaring mother ("you can't have" me kind of thing).

Or, he may be running around enjoying because he enjoys the thrill and danger...

Or, the cold uncaring mother may have been a woman who just could not manage...

Or, he may be wanker who won't/can't sort himself out and be an adult.

But you are. And why suffer like this? Why suffer for this?

Just take your time and get it right. There's no immediate rush or panic is there? Get all the right information.

I would. I get some proper advice, make sure you get everything you're entitled to and get a clean break so you can move on. But I'm not a legal expert - just someone who has been divorced!

If this helps you OP from Mediate UK - Reasons a clean break is sensible:

If you do not get a clean break, it can leave you vulnerable to future financial claims by your former spouse, even after the divorce has been finalised.
They may be able to make claims on any assets you acquire after the divorce.

For example, if you were to receive an inheritance or win the lottery after your divorce, they could argue that they are entitled to a share of these assets because, without a clean break order, you are still financially tied to them – even many years after your divorce has been completed.

Similarly, if you were to re-marry and acquire new assets with your new spouse, your ex could make a claim on these assets if you did not have a clean break in place. This could potentially lead to ongoing legal battles and financial uncertainty, which could be emotionally and financially draining, making it difficult for you to move on with your life.

A clean break order will ensure that your financial ties between you are clearly defined and finalised and that you can move forward with your life knowing that there are no more lingering obligations or entanglements.

Why would I want a clean break? I would prefer to stay in my home and have him keep me and the kids here until they leave school. But that's my preference. Clean breaks are usually Scottish Law. Not English. Unless you're based in Scotland?

Clean breaks are extremely common in the England, in fact I don't know anyone who has got divorced and not had a clean break. There's not a chance I would have got divorced without one.

Not sure where you are getting your info from but most judges will arrange a 'clean break'. It's not in anyone's best interest to stay financially tied to someone post-divorce. Could also go in your favour if you are the weaker party financially as you may walk away with more of the assets.

I feel sorry for him because his Mum is very cold and I think he's always chasing women's validation and approval via emotional cheating.

Maybe.

Or maybe he will be on a life long journey of payback to females...

It is a fallacy to think that problems are what mess a person up.

After all, a successful life depends on the ability to solve problems when they arise (which they do, all the time).

You watched the hell of your parents, not because of the problem that they wanted to break up, but because they could not/did not deal with the problem properly.

That is what messes things up.

You have constructed an ideal of a life that you would like to give your boys; there is nothing wrong with that and a lot right with it.

But in this case it will involve them witnessing the ritual humiliation of their mother by their father. Witnessing the profound sadness of their mother because she is not treated with dignity or respect.

But hey, the family will be together. In a nice house.

That is the pay off.

What do you think they will post in 15 years time?