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AIBU?

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Original poster

With friend’s visit?

40 replies

MJconfessions · 17/12/2024 16:35

My friend is sleeping at mine tomorrow and then we’re travelling to another city for a day trip.

She wasn’t originally going to stay the night with me. She asked last week after having arguments with her partner. I said yes on that basis - to make sure she’s safe/okay.

I feel like it’s spiralling a bit and that’s not the reason she wants to stay. She now wants me to wash and style her hair using my Dyson airwrap as she doesn’t have one. Her hair is extremely long, below her bum. I imagine that it will hours to style her hair. She also wants me to do her makeup and wear my clothes as she doesn’t have an outfit and take photos for her social media.

Plus I’m going to have to get enough food in for her, cook her dinner/breakfast, plus tidy my home for her. It’s just extra effort that frankly I wouldn’t need to do if we just met at the train station…aibu to cancel the sleepover?

There is a backstory where I tend to constantly have to pay for her so feel like there’s a lot of take and she isn’t there for me much.

OP posts:
Alalalala · 17/12/2024 17:19

She sounds extremely strange. Does she want you to give her a bath too? 😬

Definitely change the arrangements.

IamtheElephant · 17/12/2024 17:17

She sounds like a user, not a friend.
Do you really enjoy this friendship?

Shinyandnew1 · 17/12/2024 17:10

There is a backstory where I tend to constantly have to pay for her

I wouldn’t continue this friendship, let alone offer for her to sleep over.

BMW6 · 17/12/2024 17:09

Just tell her you've had a shitty week and you're not up to doing ANYTHING the night before your trio except having a bath and getting to bed really really early (like 7pm) so you'll meet her at ......

If she tries to push it just say NO. If she really won't let it go tell her to Fuck Off.

lionloaf · 17/12/2024 17:07

MJconfessions · 17/12/2024 17:04

Thanks, to be fair her staying in my bed is just as I don’t have a spare bedroom. I do have a sofa, shall I just get her on that instead? It’s probably comfortable with pillows and a duvet/blankets.

Just tell her not to come stay! You’re back tracking already - you’ll be doing her hair in no time!

Original poster
MJconfessions · 17/12/2024 17:04

Thanks, to be fair her staying in my bed is just as I don’t have a spare bedroom. I do have a sofa, shall I just get her on that instead? It’s probably comfortable with pillows and a duvet/blankets.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 17/12/2024 16:57

Christmaseason · 17/12/2024 16:49

Hi Dyson air wrap lover, just firming up our get together plans, you staying at mine doesn’t work for me so let’s meet at the big Costa in xxx town at 10.30 am.
I’m looking seeing you and doing xxx , it will be a lot of fun.

This. Doing her hair, paying for her (wtf, stop that right now!), her sleeping in your bed (you’re not 5!) and wanting to wear your clothes/stay/be fed and you having to clean the place? God no, tell her what the poster I quoted said. Fab, job done.

lionloaf · 17/12/2024 16:56

I know people will say just say no etc but this friend sounds pushy and you don’t want a row right before the trip so I would come up with an excuse on this occasion.

It’s easier to push back in person - just use a breezy tone and be polite but firm. At the very least you can be non-committal.

MistyBean · 17/12/2024 16:54

Very fair to just say that staying over doesn't suit you. That said, she can still stay over without all that other stuff going on.... Make it clear that she needs to bring an air bed to sleep on; you don't have energy to cook a dinner but she is welcome to bring something to heat up herself or buy a take away. You also don't have to lend your clothes, say you don't have time to do lots of laundry so can't lend stuff just for photos. You just need to be more assertive.

lionloaf · 17/12/2024 16:52

MJconfessions · 17/12/2024 16:44

Ahhh, I think I will do this. How do I word it to avoid awkwardness, especially as travelling with her afterwards?

Show quote history

Something has come up. You have to work late/collect something/bring something to a parent etc and won’t be home til late so you’ll just see her the next day.

Christmaseason · 17/12/2024 16:49

Hi Dyson air wrap lover, just firming up our get together plans, you staying at mine doesn’t work for me so let’s meet at the big Costa in xxx town at 10.30 am.
I’m looking seeing you and doing xxx , it will be a lot of fun.

Original poster
MJconfessions · 17/12/2024 16:44

Christmaseason · 17/12/2024 16:38

I think it’s fine to say her staying over doesn’t work for you and ask her to meet you in the day out city instead.

Ahhh, I think I will do this. How do I word it to avoid awkwardness, especially as travelling with her afterwards?

OP posts:
Original poster
MJconfessions · 17/12/2024 16:42

Also she’ll physically sleep in my bed and I’m just not feeling it. I think part of it is, I like my own space and don’t really want to host right now. I wouldn’t mind a visit or for her to come in the morning if she really wants to do her hair with the Dyson (styling it herself of course).

OP posts:
Christmaseason · 17/12/2024 16:38

I think it’s fine to say her staying over doesn’t work for you and ask her to meet you in the day out city instead.

VickyEadieofThigh · 17/12/2024 16:37

You could cancel it or just say "No" to all her requests.