To completely go against DH beccause I think his opinion is ridiculous

How ridiculous. Go to a women’s match and it’s nothing like he says! I’d take your son. IME, football is massive social currency for boys at primary and secondary school.

I think it may also depend on how much DH insists on stuff being his way, if it is his way or the highway on a lot of stuff and you give in for the sake or the peace it is a completley different scenario if most stuff with the kids is done your way and DH rarely if ever says no to anything.He might also not want a life around football training not being able to have days out at the weekend as some football event, maybe he finds even watching him play at kid level too triggering especially when you get some badly behaved parent shouting it was a penalty or encouraging diving and faking injury. maybe DH thinks it is a slippery slope that too much time will be taken up with football to the detriment of other things

i think in most cases on MN when it comes to something whether a pet another child a house move etc there needs to be agreement and if one person doesn't want it then it doesn't happen

You do seem awfully keen to promote the one sport your dh can't stand. Your ds is 4, that's very young to be expected to chose a sport. Why not give him a little time to experience the world and ask to do the things he'd like to do - might be sport, might be music or drama or art.

Jude Bellingham doing the wanking motion at the Euros was it for me. I don’t want my son anywhere near a culture where that’s seen as acceptable and all you get is a slap on the wrist.

If his concern were about safety, then I would say you should give his opinion heavy weight. Given his concern is the culture, I would talk to him about the importance of not constraining our children. It should be possible to find a children’s football club with a healthy, positive culture.

Haven’t RTFT but be prepared that a lot (not all) grassroots can be fucking horrible. There is still a lot of shouting and swearing and aggression. I say this as a mother who has been along to two Sunday league games a week (during the season and then all the other tournaments and friendlies over the summer) for over 10 years.

I appreciate your kid isn’t at this stage yet, but worth being prepared for that joy.🤣

Your DH has an extreme reaction to this, usually extreme reactions have an extreme underlying cause. I hate football and can’t abide the obsession over grown men running round a field after a bag of air). But it’s not something that takes up my time/stops DH and DS enjoying it. It sounds like there’s something else going on here. Could he have suffered some form of abuse in the context of football, been subject to bullying or ridicule.

All of this! My life has turned into something that I don't even like. And DH doesn't either so we are constantly bargaining to avoid it.

Do you have rugby around.??? Maybe try both.. and cricket in the summer.. it maybe your son likes team things...

There is a massive difference between:

• adults watching football, drinking and getting tribal about the results, which can all be very unpleasant and
• kids learning to play a team sport with a ball

So I would take him see if he likes it, ask along the lines of "you liked the football the other day, would you like to try that, or rugby or ... (insert random other sports)"
And continue the conversation with DH, maybe he will eventually find he can support the team his own son plays in, in whatever sport?

I get that but it’s really not like that anymore, it’s actually pretty lame now. At a guess it sounds like he probably gets riled up by family members acting out the old rituals, but that stuff’s decades out of date at this point. Your son likely won’t encounter very much of it, if any – and certainly not at a kids’ soccer club.

I think take him, but also see if you can find a way to get your husband to see it. He might do a complete 180 when he sees what the kids’ clubs are actually like – it’s all drills and inclusion, and tippy-tappy skills practice. It’s kind of unrecognisable from what football was like when we were young, and it amazes me slightly that people don’t seem to know this.

So it starts with Saturday morning footy tots. Adorable.
But he loves it and next its Monday night training and matches on weekends. And then it's training twice and away matches on the weekend etc etc.

I think you need to go into this eyes open that you're setting yourself up to do every weekday training session, weekend drop offs/pick ups & away games without moaning or expectation on DH until your kid can drive himself about.

I mean he hasn't even asked to go. I'm not sure why I'd start this battle to advocate for footy until there was a need.

My adult son has 4 very good friends, and they were all part of the same football team when they were 5!

I voted unreasonable as it sounds that it’s been traumatic for him and isn’t just a strong personal preference. Your husband needs to explore this ( without you) and then compromise to allow your child to attend - he needs to learn that football isn’t unhealthy and isn’t necessarily what it was to him growing up.

I play football

I don’t get drunk, fight or swear!

I'd take him yes. It's what's best for your DC not DH here.

I agree with this, I grew up it the 80s and remember the out and out violence and so called fans going out just to fight and in some cases kill something in a different shirt.
I lived very close to ha very big football ground and knew full well that I couldn't go out in any even remotely the same colour as the home or away team.

If your dh went through the same kind of thing I can certainly understand his point of view.
That said I don't think he should tar 4yr olds with the same brush as the thugs of yesteryear

You're not being unreasonable, but he is 4, surely there's a hobby he can do which isn't a huge trigger for your DH.

My husband has some bad memories around Irish dancing, which his older daughter was involved in. We've decided that DD will not do Irish dancing. I don't think choosing a different type of dancing will be that much of an imposition for her.

I'd take him, but also I completely agree with your husband's opinions.

I hate football (not the sport, the culture) but pushed that aside when my son really wanted to do it. 5 years on I hate it even more. The over aggressive culture starts 'young' - my son is 8 and the parents on the sidelines are intense and it's all a lot. And he very much doesn't want to quit, all his friends do it etc etc. I hate it. So while yes the preschool version can be quite cute it quickly becomes something else altogether so unless one of you is enthusiastic it could be a lot of freezing Saturday mornings listening to angry parents yelling at your kid while enjoying none of it.

Plenty of my son's friends' parents 'are' enthusiastic and there's lots of lovely things too but it is really intense and my son isn't even good at it so it's all a bit exhausting. They're moving up to 3x a week already so that's 4 days a week of football training when you add in games.

I loathe all aspects of football, playing, culture surrounding it, the industry (DH used to work at a PL club), but although it would be hard to find someone as strong in their detestation of it all, even I freely knowledge DS is a separate individual to me and gets to do things I don’t approve of.

YABU to take your son to an activity that your dh disagrees with without discussing it first

Your DH is BU to ban your child from taking part in football related activities for life.

You need to talk to dh and find a compromise about what child can and can't do. And if not football, find a different team sport.

If you discuss it with him this is a clear differentiator to make. It's not the people who are actually playing football that are drunk rowdy hooligans. Your son would be playing, not downing 12 pints of Stella in the pub and getting into bar brawls.

Could you find a different activity that DS would enjoy and both you and DH could take him to?

If you take DS to football and he gets seriously involved, it will be an ongoing bone of contention between you and DH going forward.

How about artistic gymnastics as an activity? It is an excellent base for all sports (according to the gym coaches of my DS)

I hate football culture. I Iove playing football. They can be totally separate.

Also 90% of football fans aren't dicks.