To completely go against DH beccause I think his opinion is ridiculous

My experience with having a young son is that football crops up a lot as a bonding game. They often have the kids playing football with each other at the start of beavers, or at a wedding this summer one of the mums offered to take the kids for a kick around in the park across the street to blow off steam. I think knowing how to play a bit is great for making friends, even if it's just enough to be confident joining in. Personally I can't stand football either but I'd never discourage my son from trying any hobby he might enjoy.

Speak to DH and explain to him what you’ve said here

I think its OK to take him but don't encourage the culture of it, buying DS jerseys, and products, discussing allegiance to a team etc. Dh needs to separate his experience from the sport side of it.

Any parent who blanket bans something is wrong IMO. As is any parent who insists their child does a particular activity. It shows a very narrow minded approach to life.

I’m actually with your DH. It’s the people he may well end up mixing with. Get him into tennis, cricket etc. that’s what I’d do

If your dh doesn't have the same negative impression of rugby @apecial then your dc might enjoy Rugbytots. Sounds like a similar thing but not football.

Yanbu to take him......but yabu to dismiss his feelings as silly.

I can guarantee the root cause of this will be the adults drinking and their aggressive behaviour, it's obviously affected him and is actually pretty sad. I myself get extremely anxious around drunk people and it's all rooted from myself as a child being around drunk adults and being confused at how their behaviour changed.

My DS did football, was fine at 4, around the age of 9 though that toxicity came through. Kids, parents and some coaches full of aggression and nastiness. Football fans won't agree but your DH does have a point. I wouldn't encourage a child into football.

It's still an unpleasant culture of aggressive competition and exclusion, though. Children at DC's school get shouted at by other boys if they're not good at it in P.E., and it's pretty much sll they talk about, so there's no social inclusion for boys who dislike it.

Yes I'd definitely look into both of those to see if he likes them.

The culture isn't just alcohol - at the youth level it's all about winning at all costs.

The way some of the parents behave is really shocking. I walk past local youth games most Saturdays on the way back from parkrun and they have behaviour stewards there. The kids look about 8! It's hardly a healthy culture.

He sounds like a bit of a tosser.

I took my son to football when he was about 8 and it's one of the best things I ever done for him, he has made countless friends and his confidence has grown. not everyone that likes football has an intense passion for it and behaves like loud lager louts

I agree with this.

But if he's not very good he'll be ostracised as well, and so will you as parents.

The culture around football is ghastly. I was really pleased when my ds switched to athletics!

If you can find another sport for your ds to get into to, I would.

Why football, when there are plenty of other sports you can choose from?

It does seem like you want to make an issue of his disdain for football, especially as your son hasn’t even said it’s something he wants to do. His opinion may be ridiculous to you and others, but it’s his opinion, and he’s not going to change it because you think he should. It would be one thing if your son wanted to play, but he doesn’t - so why create conflict (and you know it will)?

I hate football and the culture around it so totally see your DH view but I think we have to let our kids follow their own interests.

I agree you need to have a long chat about this bexause at some point the chances are he will want to get into football will find a team to support and spend time playing and talking about it - most of school breaks revolve around it and your son is someone in his own right

that said you don’t need to push it - I found stagecoach and theatre classes amazing for pushing both of mine out of their shyness and a understanding and. Nurturing environment

he needs to accept his son decisions you don’t need to push it without him driving it

I feel pretty much the same as your husband does about football but I would still take my son to football if he enjoyed it. I have a 9.5 Yr old son who isn't into football at all - we actually got him signed up to a local kids team to try it and encouraged him as much as possible but he just never enjoyed it. He's one of about 3 boys in his whole class who doesn't play it every break time and I think - rightly or wrongly- it's actually quite difficult to be a boy at school who isn't into it, his social circle has definitely got smaller as more of the boys have become increasingly into it. I didn't relish the thought of my son getting into it and it being part of our lives but wanted him to at least feel able to join in with a casual kick about. So I think you're husband is going to have to put his own opinions aside and let your son try out a hobby that it seems like he'll enjoy.

Your H is throwing the baby out with the bathwater here.

Does he refuse to drink alcohol as part of his anti football crusade? Because all that angry macho nonsense is fueled by alcohol, and it has nothing to do with the actual sport.

I dislike football too, but I would not stop my child from doing it if they wanted to. Your DH is being very unreasonable to ban it.

I have no idea where you're based @apecial but it sounds like your son likes team sports rather than individual sports (so didn't like martial arts but does like football).

If you are any where near a GAA club in the UK or Ireland, can I suggest you let him try out for their Gaelic Football team? You don't have to be Irish to play it, it is a fantastic team sport and if he prefers the football aspect of his friends party, this is even better as the players can run while holding the ball too as a form of play in Gaelic!

Do whatever makes your little son happy.
I often wished my youngest was more interested in football in early primary because it seemed to be the main thing they all wanted to do, and every party was a football party but he preferred other sports - so we did those instead.

Your husband is being entirely selfish. Laying down the law based on his own misconceptions. Time has moved on. If he's that worried about his horrible football orientated upbringing, then he can go and get some therapy. But he ought to let your son try out activities he enjoys...
its not like he's going to join a football academy is it... but if he did do that, I bet you'd be very proud of him.

We've had this exact same problem, only slight difference was DS4 specifically asked if he could join a football club. There's no way I'd have let DH stop him from going, but I have had to accept that I'm in charge of taking him to all his sessions/buying his kit etc.

YANBU Op. Your son is a separate entity to your dh. Somehow your dh needs to appreciate that and not make it all about him!
It’s the first rule of parenthood really!

The chances are that your son, at some point, will want to play football as it’s so ubiquitous.

However at this stage I’m not sure I’d push it if your DH is so anti. All the people saying he’s being ridiculous- I wonder how they’d feel if their DH took their DD to boxing.

In my mind, grown men getting drunk and aggressive about their favourite millionaires scoring goals against other millionaires is an entirely different thing to little boys kicking a ball around with some friends. We are not a football family at all, never been to a match and couldn't name a 'team' that we support. However, two of my kids have played football all through school and into highschool. It's a lovely game for kids. Easy to pick up the basics, not especially expensive to start, teaches teamwork, coordination, fair play, determination, ball skills.

One of my older kids coaches a more niche sport, and she says she can immediately tell which of her beginners have a grounding in football because they already understand the concept of playing strategically as a team from quite a young age.

@apecial He is being utterly ridiculous. The days of hooligans running wild are long gone—well, apart from the Millwall or Fenerbahçe fan, I suppose.

I never had much interest in football. My husband, however, is obsessed with every sport, no matter how random. He suggested we check out a local football match together. I hesitated. Coming from a country where hooliganism is still alive and kicking , football matches aren’t exactly known as family-friendly outings.

But we went for it, sitting in the family stand. I can’t even begin to explain how shocked I was. If you saw us, we’d probably be the last couple you’d expect to see at a football match, but I absolutely loved it.

We popped into the bar inside the stadium for a quick drink, and the whole experience blew me away: families chatting, kids laughing, people coming together like old friends, and Match of the Day flickering on an old, grainy TV in the corner. The stadium itself is a little rough, and the facilities aren’t winning any awards, but the atmosphere? Unbeatable.

So take your son to the football sessions it's the experience worth having! At the end of the day it's a football session for children and not full on derby match.... As for your husband, he's not just being ridiculous—he’s flat-out wrong about the whole hooligans thing 🙈

Take him to rugby instead