To completely go against DH beccause I think his opinion is ridiculous

Id take him and stuff DH. Hes
has a bad attitude.
Surely if the little chap likes kicking a ball about he might enjoy it.
It's wrong to stop him just because knobbing DH hates it

Where did OP say she snuck her DS there? It was a football birthday party which are going to be incredibly popular, especially when he starts school.

Absolutely. I've got a boy who loves books and music, the last thing I want is to introduce him to a world of that. I grew up around it, and the behaviour of the fans was always disgusting. Drunk in town, pissing up walls, fights, shouting at women. Louts.

And I know perhaps all fans aren't that way, but watching them in crowds, seeing the behaviour of the players themselves? Nope.

I did ballet as a child, a boy there saw his sister dancing and wanted to join. His mum had to secretly take him to ballet lessons for years as his dad disagreedm he went on to dance for the royal ballet. Sorry it does sound like billy elliot but its actually a true story. His name was adam. I think take him if hes shown an interest or he might try it and hate it but physical excercise is good in whichever form and they do football at school in primary and secondary so how will he get around that??

I think your DH has had a lot of negative life experiences in his immediate family which has given him a strong aversion... Completely valid and fair enough.

It would be helpful as his wife and your ds's mum to help him take a moderate and reasonable line.

Because even if your ds does join in he might not like it for more than five minutes, or it might just be a mildly interesting way to join in with other kids.

Your DH might need to take a step back and see the fact that he's 4 and he shouldn't panic. But if his life experiences tell him this interest leads to horrible things then that's his starting point and an understandable one at that.

I really hate football for the same reasons despite having no childhood experience of it. However I’d fully support kids playing footy for the team play element and health benefits. I would be hesitant if things developed into a particularly serious mini league with parents becoming unhealthily obsessed and nasty.

Let’s pretend you really dislike equestrianism and the idea of people using animals for entertainment. Your daughter is invited to a pony party, loves it and your DH decides to sign her up for horse riding lessons despite knowing your views. Would that be reasonable?

Yes, exactly, he doesn't know there is anything to miss out on. He enjoyed the party, that's nice. But isn't missing out on anything as he doesn't know it exists.

The OP herself said DS hasn't actually asked to go. It's just something I think he would like - my view is that if in time the DS says 'can I go to xyz' a parent should say yes unless there is good reason - but that is not what is happening.

The way you have framed it:
Wibu to go completely against his opinion because I think it's ridiculous and take DS anyway if he wants to go.
Which indicates going behind your DH’s back to take DS to football lessons when you have also said that DS hasn’t asked to go to football.

Yes, I think you are being unreasonable. You have always known your DH’s opinion of football. You married him and had a DS with him knowing he was dead against football. You agreed to this. This will break a level pf trust between you and your DH.

As you have now changed your mind, you at least owe it to your DH to discuss with him the possibility of DS trying football. To go behind his back and take your DS anyway is unreasonable.

On a side note, I do not believe for one second that there isn’t something else your DS would also like, perhaps even like enough to ask to do. It’s not a coincidence you have chosen football for DS to do.

In addition, shyness isn’t something that needs to be fixed. There is nothing wrong with being shy. So the benefit of you taking DS is unnecessary.

Finally, I don’t think you have thought about the negative impact this will cause to your DS relationship with his Dad. Think how your DS will feel when his dad isn’t excited for him foot football, is dismissive of his games, doesn’t want to talk about the sport. This is going to emotionally hurt your DS.

I feel you are using your DS as a pawn. He never asked to do football, you snuck him to a toddler football session and are thinking of signing him up for full blown football lessons when you know it with upset your DH.

I would find something that DS would enjoy just as much that isn’t football.

Oh, I was responding to the OP saying this:
I think H will probably comment on this, the fact DS hasn't actually asked to go. It's just something I think he would like.

The DS would probably like lots of things. This particular thing seems destined to result in conflict.

He’s 4?! He doesn’t know there is a football class to join / miss out on 😂

The indication that he’d like to go is surely that he went to a football party, showed great enjoyment and talks about it still.

How bizarre. Surely you just have no interest, rather than active passionate hatred for a hobby and sport so many enjoy.
Nobody is forcing him to watch it or play.
If your son likes it then of course he should go along. Tell your husband he's not expected to participate in any way if it's literally going to start giving him PTSD symptoms. Does he break into a sweat when he hears the match of the day theme, or catches sight of a west brom scarf being worn on the bus?
Would he rather his son did ballet? Rugby? Synchronised swimming? Krav Maga?
At most he might need to pay for classes but he doesn't even need to watch. So what does he care? Weird.

We took ds, because I knew round here it would be key to acceptance in school etc. Ds want really that into it though and as we're not into football as a family, he didn't ever have a kick about etc at home. I do think it has hampered him socially, especiallyin primary at lunch, but then, he may have struggled anyway.

It's hard not being a football kid in some areas. It's taken ds until yr10 to start to find a niche. They do nothing but football in pe too, so ds is not a huge fan of pe, in spite of being a keen hiker/ cyclist/ swimmer.

Respectfully, this boy is about to start primary school and I’ve found that it is pretty darn hard for a boy of primary school age to avoid football! It’s parties, break time, collecting footie cards. I’ve a DS who isn’t that into it and it can be difficult. If the son is exposed to a little bit of football -to see if he likes it and is good at it, then I find it does help them bond more with their peers. Of course they can bond over other things too, but if the boy really enjoyed the football party, why punish the son because of the dad’s experience?

IDK. My daughter wants to be a ballerina. It came out of thin air. We go to ballet because its what she wants to do.

Your son likes football. It might help DH reframe his thinking. Realistically, your son is his own person who has his own likes and dislikes. DH doesn't need to like it but I don't think it's fair to prevent DC from doing it.

I do agree with you DH about the toxicity of professional football.
Not about children's football though. It is a sport, they get to play in a team, travel around if they are any lucky, it is a commitment. Any sport teaches them a lot in life.
Are you sure he will say no to take him? I would not enroll him without talking to DH. But I do think that stopping a child from doing a healthy hobby based on the behaviour of adults is not on.

I really dislike football culture but I wouldn't class a children's or grass roots team as part of that. Obviously, it might be a gateway to it but a 4 year old isn't going to be drinking lager and swearing because Liverpool lost the cup final or whatever.

If you ban football it's going to make it look more attractive. You should let him enjoy it as a sport but foster a healthy attitude, i.e. it's having fun that counts, a football score is not important.

the OP said however he recently went to a football party (a toddler footy session) and he loved it and hasn't stopped going on about it.

sounds about right to try properly! The child is 4, still little to ASK to join a club by himself.

It does get better in secondary school.

But if nothing else, it's another reason not to stop a child who actively wants to join. He might love it and become good at it.

The whole of Primary school should be about letting kids try and play as many sports as they physically can. Try something at 5, then a few years later if they didn't enjoy it in the first place. Also they finish school so early in this country, afternoons really are for

So one or 2 will stick when they are teenagers.

Football is so competitive and popular, if you want to have a chance to join a team, you are better off trying as young as possible! The waiting lists are ridiculously long, and I am guessing your husband will refuse to become a coach

I think this is key though really.

Your DS doesn't want to go. You want your DS to go. Why do you want to have this argument right now?

If your DS was asking to go, it would be different.

Take him to rugby or tennis or athletics or basketball or one of many many other sports - but it sounds like your husband had a really tough time and it isn’t hard to avoid football.

Yes, let him go, please do. Your son is not your husband and it's good for him to have a hobby he likes, if only for a while. It will be fun.

honestly I find it a bit disturbing and narcissistic/self-obsessed that your DH can't get past his hatred of football to recognise that his child has found something he really enjoys. Is your DH seriously prepared to deprive his son of something he could really enjoy, just because of his own personal tastes? I personally despise any sport except for jogging - team sports I especially hate - but you can bet if my kid got into it I'd be at every match. It's really sad that your DH is willing to sacrifice your kids happiness for his own selfish reasons.

If you have a shy child it will really help them socially.

Football is a big part of UK culture so your DH can’t reasonably expect that your son won’t be exposed to it. In my experience with a primary aged child, there are more and more football parties, the kids are starting to develop interest in certain teams and play at break time.

My eldest isn’t that interested but the point it that it was HIS choice. I took him to a little footie class at the weekend with some friends and it was a sociable activity. I’m now thinking of trying cricket because I think he will like it better.

You need to reassure your DH that you’re not forcing anything on your DS and respectfully, he cannot forbid your DS from having anything to do with football. Maybe he needs to access some therapy to explore these emotions.