To completely go against DH beccause I think his opinion is ridiculous

I’m Team DH on this one.

OP, I suggest you go and watch a junior league football match with primary age kids around 10-12yrs and listen to the outrageous yelling from the other (mostly male) parents. The language is atrocious and the competitiveness is ludicrous. Coaches that are desperate to win so will never let little Johnny play for more than five minutes near the end in case they lose them the match.
This is just the young kids. It gets even worse as they get older!

Hate football too. It attracts far, far more violent, nasty kids and they nasty parents. Rugby, tennis, judo, swimming, hockey all attract a nicer sort of camaraderie. Girls football is much more civilised.

Your DH feels very strongly, perhaps irrationally, against football, and I don't think it is fair to disregard this feeling. The two of you are supposed to be a team. DS hasn't asked to go; perhaps he'd enjoy it but it isn't a big deal for him. Deliberately doing something that your DH is so against could become a big deal. Why not leave it for now, and if possible introduce him to some sane, reasonable footie fans at some point.

This.

If your DC enjoyed a footie party, that's great. But signing your DC up for a footie team/activity is not on.
If my DH took my DC to an activity of which I strongly, adamantly, vociferously disapprove and my 'D'H deceived me to do it, I'd consider that grounds for divorce, especially if my valid opinion was well known. Respect your DH's opinion or brace for the consequences.
Whatever your feelings about football or anything else, deliberately deceiving your DH is completely beyond the pale. Just imagine any scenario where your DH deliberately takes your DC to activity which you have actively denounced. You'd be fuming and straight on to MS asking AIBU.
Is your marriage worth a few footie sessions? (Remember, your DC will have plenty of times to play it casually in PE lessons, games and with friends in the park.)

I hate football, grew up in a footy house. I think you try them at all sports when they are young. I played rugby and love it, but great to expose them to that, tennis, cricket etc

Actually at that age they often have great tennis or cricket half term things running from spring through summer.

Im from Glasgow and so I have a very similar opinion as your husband. I despise football and the very specific, nasty, sectarian culture we have around it here.

I am determined for my son to have no interest or part in it. But, I think at that age I probably would take him because they so quickly become disinterested in things and he’d soon move on to something else.

there are lots of other sports and hobbies to introduce your child to.
more sports that he can enjoy.
that he can develop great accomplishments in .
So I would suggest investingating others and avoiding football .

espeiclaly if your husband loathes it .

you will spend many many hours standing a round watching your kids doing sport.

you will spend many hundreds of ££ on fees and kit in whatever sport you choose

so you might as well have some interest in it

my friends with football loving kids have, by 9yo got whole weekends entirely controlled by matches, with week night training too .

i spend as much time with my kids doing their sports (cycling and ice hockey) but I enjoy watching the sport, and it’s not beside a muddy windswept pitch.

YABU to take your ds behind your husband’s back. Maybe compromise and try a different sport. We actively avoided football clubs for our boys because, although we quite enjoy the sport and go to the occasional local game, the culture in kids football is hideous. Parents behave disgracefully and it’s just a money-making scheme praying on kids’ dreams. Both boys play a bit at school so know how to kick a ball.

My boys play rugby and it’s such a wonderful family-friendly environment.

I would take him, my brothers dad played football until late 30s then had my brother who was his first child. Stopped playing and didn’t get my brother into it. Years later my brother resents his dad for not taking him to any form of hobby. So he now feels he’s got no skills while our nephew and 98% friends are playing the sport. My mum had a business and 3 other children plus a grandchild so she would have expected my brothers dad who only had him to do a hobby of such.

DS is 9 and has really gotten into football in the last 9 months or so - plays it and talks about it all of the time. He never showed much interest beforehand.

He doesn't support the same team as me or DH (we all support different teams) but we're all lighthearted about it.

Introduce your son to a few sports and see what he takes a liking to

Her DH was kept in the dark. That is sneaky in my opinion.
Stop being a drama llama about missing parties, that’s not what the thread is about and I am sure the DH doesn’t care about the odd party game or activity if he’s told about them.

Ha! I was your DH. I had to get over it for my child. There are some positives, in the junior team they play for I have met some lovely parents and had some good conversations on the touch line and at training. It’s also taught them team play, strategy and discipline and given them a network of kids in the area and then in secondary school. If you can’t sell it to your DH on these points, I’ve found that the summer camps are very cheap and widely available! Good news if you work and need childcare.

Huh? She didn’t “sneak him to a toddler footy session.” She took her DS to a party where it featured a toddler footy session (very common).

Is the DS supposed to never attend a party featuring football? He will miss out on quite a few parties then once he starts school!

What if he goes to a “normal” party and gets a football themed party bag, does he have to bin it?

Why don't you try rugby for your son instead? It's a team sport, the culture is completely different and tag rugby at that age is brilliant fun.

No of course not, but joining in on a one off party game isn’t anything like signing up for weekly football lessons behind their other parents’ back who has very strong dislike for football due to the culture of hooliganism, drunkeness and bad childhood experiences.

I think some of the culture around football is really unpleasant.. and there is, even in kids' football, a lot of ott behaviour from parents, coaches and kids.

But, having said that, it's a great team sport, it's a lot of fun to play, and rightly or wrongly, a lot of boys bond over their love of football - it's an easy way to make friends at school. So it would be a shame for your DS to miss out even trying it to see if he likes it or not.

She did? I must’ve missed that.

So the child should miss out on parties because of something his dad doesn’t like? That just isn’t right.

I think you are being unreasonable overall. I don’t like the dismissiveness and it does come across think that your views are superior and therefore take priority when it comes to your son.

I agree, on the face of it, that your DH is being OTT. I understand why you feel this way and why you think your son might like the football sessions. And indeed he might- I strongly suspect that he may enjoy other “team sports” as that is often the big attraction in children of that age- having fun running about in a semi-organised way with other children. The “semi-organised” part is often great for children who are a bit shy as they don’t have to do all the interaction/joining in by themselves. Football is not the only sport that provides this though.

And, as your child has not yet expressly asked to go to these football sessions, he is not being “denied” anything- you are currently simply not encouraging him to play football by not enrolling him into this group. Plenty of parents do that with all sorts of hobbies and sports- e.g. because they think a sport is “too dangerous”, or carries too much time commitment, or due to costs (not necessarily costs they could never afford, can also be things they would just rather not fund). I’ve also come across parents who have actively discouraged (or outright refused) higher level sport/competition due to commitment and/or costs required. He won’t be the only child in this position and, at this point at least, I don’t think it will be harmful to him.

On the other hand, I think the way you bring up your children is a joint venture and if you start getting to decide that your views are, ultimately, the only ones that really matter when it comes down to it/where there are disagreements (or when you feel he is being ridiculous) you could well be headed for trouble. I’m not saying that he always has to get his way on every front either. But this is something he abhors, so I think you do need to take a bit more heed of that than a run of the mill preference/dislike.

You say that you understand that this is a real issue for him, something he feels very strongly about and that that position comes from a place of very negative experiences in childhood- yet are still quite dismissive of him. Is he allowed to be equally dismissive views you hold strongly? If not, how would you feel if he was? How would you feel and react if he ran roughshod over your expressed wishes and proceeded to get your child involved in something you absolutely hated? Would you be ok with it? I have my doubts.

I know that personally. I would find your attitude and intended actions very hurtful. I think it would come across as totally dismissive of me as your partner and a parent, gives the impression that you viewed our son as primarily yours and I’m mainly involved in decision making only if it suits you for me to be. He might not take it quite that way, but he might take a similar view- where would that leave you if he did? Not great for your parenting or romantic relationship.

I think that unless your son actively expresses a wish to go to football sessions, that you should avoid this. Try to look at other team/organised sports and see if anything sticks. If he does at some point in the future want to do football training, then I think you’d be right to tackle it with your DH- though I do think you would need to be mindful that if he still can’t bear the idea that there might need to be compromise. I doubt your DH will want to be heavily involved, and you can’t really expect him to be given it isn’t indifference/lack of interest you’re dealing with- he has an abhorrence of the sport. Are you willing to do the majority of the leg work on this?

She made it clear her DH didn’t know about the “toddler footy session” at the party.

I would suggest a multi sports session so DS can try football but it's not just about football? Rugby is also an option, tag rugby is a lot of fun for little ones.
But either way DH needs to understand that DS will have friends in the playground at school who will play football and he will want to join in. There's a step between full on football fan and just kicking a ball !

I think this is quite difficult. I had a fanatical brother (he’s matured a lot since!) and because of that I am not keen. Fans I have no problem with, I like sport and understand the excitement of a match. But I find being around people who are obsessed with it difficult. Obsession seems frighteningly common amoung men in the UK. The number of times I’ve been to an event like a wedding, a kids birthday party, a festival, etc. and there are always men who just will not miss a match. They neglect their social lives and treat others badly in order to fulfill their craving. Then so many let the results rule their emotions. It is shocking. An addiction that tears at their relationships with non-addicts, makes them into bores and leaves everyone around them worse off. I would really hate to have a child grow up with that sort of habit.

So I can see why he would want to ensure his DS doesn’t grow up obsessed with it and I think it’s hard to know how to allow an interest while protecting against that obsession. But your DS is going to have all sorts of opportunities and there’s no way to stop that without being controlling (which, given the way kids are, could well push him into obsession). So trying to find a way to guide him seems imperative.

Football is a great hobby, a good source of excercise and your child has showed that they enjoy it. He's only little and may not even bother in months to come but if he does decide he loves it, most clubs have designated family stands anyway, you dh has bad experiences with louts in pubs but there's a difference between being drunk and agressive and being passionate about something you enjoy. Let your child make up their own mind as they get older but don't take away the opportunity to try it out.

I agree with this. Football culture and all the weird machismo aggro that can go with it can be fucking traumatic for people who were surrounded by it growing up. Particularly for lads who weren't part of the scene and perhaps treated as less than for it.

Definitely take your son to the activity but I would be more understanding.

There are lot of things I hate, but if my kids have an interest in something, I make sure they have the opportunity to pursue THEIR interest.