To completely go against DH beccause I think his opinion is ridiculous

It doesn’t have to, especially not these days. I go to matches regularly and the only thing I see is the competitiveness because it’s obviously a sport.

None of those things are going to be present at a 4 year olds football class either.

My 2 year old goes to weekly football lessons. Trust me, they don’t have to be serious and certainly aren’t when they are so little. It’s about fun, socialising and very simple ball skills.

Yes and that “social life’ comes with the far right, hooliganism, violence, public pressure, competitiveness. I think pretty much any other team sport would have all the benefits of football without the obvious detriments for a child that is known to be shy.

Weekly football lessons is pretty serious for a 4yr old.
His DS hasn’t asked for football. He isn’t missing out on anything he wants,
It’s the OP that is for some reason hell bent on doing the one small thing her DH asked her not to do.

It’s also going to be impossible to police. What is OP’s DH going to do, go marching into the school every time he plays football at lunch or forbid him from football parties?

It’s ridiculous.

Football is pervasive and a huge part of the social life of large numbers of boys and men. Making it off-limits to a boy in the UK could have a significant and detrimental impact on their life.

OP never said anything serious, just a class.

It sounds like DH has already dismissed the fact that OP or especially his son may feel very differently. Why is it acceptable for him to do it?

Yes well I am sure he also enjoyed other party games too. Does that mean if hr enjoyed the bouncy castle, he needs to now take up trampolining? If he enjoyed playing with plastic Jedi light sabres he absolutely must be signed up for fencing?

Most kids enjoy a party. This doesn’t mean they will enjoy it weekly as a serious sporting hobby.

It’s fine to disagree that the DH has a good reason, but the OP should discuss football with her DH, her wibu is should she just sign up the DS anyway without discussing it with her DH, and just dismiss his opinion on this? I say that is unreasonable, her DH is an equal coparent and his opinion on this matters as much as her opinion and you know what? Only having one sport off limits is not too restrictive imho.

I think it is entirely unfair to not let a child try playing football because of dislike of the culture around watching football. Those are two separate things, playing a sport is not related to how people behave as adults watching it. Even if he had to watch a kids’ football match it is not the same as getting drunk and hurling abuse at a ref on TV. Football is great exercise and easy for kids to pick up and play and enjoy at a young age, much easier than a lot of other sports.

Yeah I do think your DH is being ridiculous.

It’s good to encourage your DS to play a sport, and tbh football is a good one for kids because (at a basic level) it’s quite a simple game. And you can play it with minimal equipment (ie just a ball!).

My exh is a bit funny about rugby because it was forced on him at school.

She was at the party and he clearly enjoyed playing football. Sounds like he likes it to me. He’ll have many football parties ahead of him too. Not to mention kickabouts at school.

Within reason, as you said. I disagree that his reason is a good reason, as does OP.

I am also disgusted that you would try and compare this to racism.

Sorry but you are talking illogical extremes that apply to decisions made by adults, not boundaries a parent has every right to insist on for their child.

My main issue is the OP going behind her DH’s back. If she thinks his boundary is ridiculous, she needs to discuss with him to see if any flex can be agreed on.

If he had a background of alcoholism in his family growing up, would he have the right to insist neither you nor DC ever touched a drop? No, he'd have to accept that while his family took it to extremes, the majority of people can drink sensibly.

If he had a background of domestic abuse, would he have the right to insist your DS never got into a romantic relationship? Of course not!

If he'd been bullied by a child of a specific ethnicity in school would it be appropriate for him to insist neither you nor your child is not allowed to be friends with anyone of that ethnicity, and nobody of that ethnicity is allowed in your house? Of course not.

If he tried to insist on restrictions on any of the above, people would be insisting he needs therapy.

He needs to accept that his family are the issue, football was just the conduit/excuse for their behaviour and it's unfair to penalise your son for his issues. A kiddie football session is worlds away from a real match and the behaviour he is worried about. If your son gets really into football and if he ever starts displaying concerning behaviours then he can talk to him, but unless that ever happens this is a him issue that he needs to get over.

No she’s not, she doesn’t even know if her DS likes football. He hasn’t asked to play it at all. She is pushing football on to her DS.

Sorry but yes a PARENT does get to dictate what is off limits to their DC within reason. Many parents don’t allow their DC to learn horseback riding or BMX or skiing or gymnastics because these are sports with high risk of injury. The DH has a good reason to have a boundary of no football.

DH should accept that having children means they are their own people with their own likes and dislikes or he shouldn’t have had them if his hang ups are that severe. He doesn’t get to dictate that someone else can never play football.

OP is putting her son first. Good for her.

There are plenty of other team sports other than football.
OP is an adult and married her DH knowing his boundary for their joint children would be no football. OP should respect that boundary.

Because he enjoyed himself at the party and came out of his shell. He has tried other things such as karate which didn’t have the same reaction.

DH is an adult and needs to accept that DS may like football. If a wedge is put between them because DH refuses to accept it, there’s no one to blame but DH.

If DH kicks off then I would assume he's controlling in other areas of life too and I just wouldn't be with someone so controlling especially if it was just the start of ruining my child's life.

This is ridiculous. Having a boundary of any sport except football isn’t controlling and football being the only sport off limits isn’t going to ruin the child’s life.

There are dozens of other sports.

Yes, and the DS doesn’t even like it enough to ask to go. OP is deliberately and underhandedly pushing DS into it when she knows it will upset her DH and drive a wedge between her and DH and DS and DH. It is toxic, manipulative behaviour,

Ah, I was all ready to say YABU right up to the end, but you are not.

I am with your DH - I hate football and the culture, I don't even understand the concept of supporting a team (unless you are physically going to your local team every week), and football is the single thing causing constant disharmony among the boys in my oldest DS's class. However, I still took DS2 to lessons when he asked to go. So YANBU.

Your husband is allowed to have whatever opinion he wants but he is being controlling and extreme if he thinks he can stop his child from playing, liking or thinking about football.

Now I hate football. Whenever there's a match on locally it disrupts traffic, the town is full of drunkard hooligans, the trains are full of drunkard hooligans, it's so noisy I don't even live in walking distance of the stadium but you can hear the chants from our house a 15 minute drive away. It felt like a cult growing up and you were either in or out and people followed it religiously.

I'd not dream of taking away a physical energetic activity away from DS if it helped him stay active and make friends and learn life skills like how to lose gracefully and taking turns and working as a team which at that age is all this is about.

If DH kicks off then I would assume he's controlling in other areas of life too and I just wouldn't be with someone so controlling especially if it was just the start of ruining my child's life.

So for me it's not the football it's the abhorrent unrealistic expectations, the walking on eggshells about this topic and the pending extreme yet unrealistic reaction he will probably have.

That’s HIS dislike though. Their child is his own person and is going to have his own likes and dislikes.

I’m also not convinced OP was meaning sneaking about behind his back.

I agree with @whiskeytangofox to an extent.

We befriended a family on holiday a few years ago and one night had to endure the dad moaning for about two hours over dinner at the unfair politics in his teenage sons' teams - how they never got to play for very long etc to give the team a better chance of winning.

My DH also loathes football but he had no problem letting both DD and DS play at junior school. Neither DC lasted more than a term though as the good players (with football-loving dads) were very mean to the weaker players.

I would let your DS do it, but just see how it goes.

Why does his dislike rule all? It doesn’t.