MIL and the Christmas stocking

It's a shame when grandparents think they should be able to redo the lovely parts of parenting like Christmas stockings. Parenting is wonderful and a gift, but also can be tiring and stressful. We should be able to enjoy the little special bits without needing to share. I wouldn't stand for that personally and if DH is too wet to do anything would say in front of DC "look Granny has brought you presents in a special bag, how lovely".

What happens when mil dies? Do the parents get lumbered producing two stockings? Or do they say Father Christmas can only give them one now?! And all the associations of that!

Why though? The MIL has had her children and done things her way - now it is the OP's turn. You can't be rolling over all the time to suit other people.

Fireplace stocking is from Santa, MIL stocking js from Granny.
It is just sock-shaped gift wrapping from Granny. I saw some Christmas Stocking shaped gift bags in TK Maxx earlier, I don't think they are intended to replace, or duplicate, a stocking that is left empty on Christmas Eve and magically filled overnight.

This I had a lovely, truly sweet MIL who said about doing a stocking from FC at her house. I explained that this could cause issues because Ds has another set of grandparents, ie my parents and FC won't be leaving one there and he has older cousins who have never had 2 stockings from FC either. She completely understood and instead she did small gifts in the stocking and larger gifts went under her tree. When Ds2 was born he too got a personalised stocking at her house.

Plus imagine the school playground with the kids coming home saying why does Katie get 2 stocking from FC every year and I never get more than one?

Your Dh needs to start realising he is a husband and that he needs to present a united front with you over this. We always did the stocking with token gifts from FC, all other presents from us so the children knew who to thank. All other presents from relatives were given directly to the children and they knew who to thank for those gifts. Good for children to separate out parental and FC gifts otherwise it can result, and did in our house, where my son asked why his Aunt bought him a present but not her own child because everything came from FC in their house.

I have to speak to my mum every year about buying stocking fillers for my kids and trying to put them into the stockings we do from fc. I just politely say thank you that's so generous, feel free to give them to the kids yourself as I've got their stocking fillers sorted. I think they just get excited and it's fine to push back nicely.

Santa left an extra one. Wow. Maybe a mistake. Or maybe it’s from rudolf - how lucky are you?

The stocking on your fireplace is filled by FC during the night. The one from your MIL goes under the tree with the other presents and you say ‘oh look Granny put her presents to you in a stocking, isn’t that nice’

Just say grownups like to do stockings sometimes, granny has done one for you.

I'd say "Oh goodness DD! Because grandma's here this year santa has decided to leave you two stockings. Aren't you lucky?" Because I wouldn't want DD to miss out on double the fun and excitement.

"DH says there is no way she can be dissuaded from her plan without causing significant hurt and offence."

Time for DH to choose then, is he primarily a son or a father? Whose feelings are more important, his mum's or his daughter's?

I just kindly said we're doing it x way and it was thankfully taken well (outwardly anyway). I think because of how I worded it, it was said very nicely but also with no room for leeway.
I do think one stocking is more than enough.

Can't see a problem. One stocking from Santa (you) one stocking from Grandma.

Do the posters who think Grandma should be allowed to do whatever she wants with the DC and presents at Christmas not realise that weird stuff (random second stockings for only one child) popping up out of nowhere that hasn't been mentioned before will lead the DC to wonder what's going on and therefore to potentially start questioning the whole Santa story??!!

That’s just a stocking from grandma. That’s what she is to be told as it’s the truth.

but the magic stocking is the one hung up that father Christmas fills.

🙄

Yes I'd missed that bit in the OP...your DH does need to be willing to communicate nicely but firmly to his mum when there are small issues like this; it's ridiculous for him to try to claim that he can't do that! If he cannot, he needs to learn how. And if she can't accept it gracefully then he doesn't get to just always do what she wants - he needs to get better at drawing appropriate boundaries.

I still don't really understand the problem @Lumpofcoal . She seems to have simply put her presents in a stocking. It's not THE stocking on the mantle piece, it's just a stocking.

Every family creates its own Santa traditions. For us, he brought the stockings and one present (in special wrapping paper). Everyone else gave presents from themselves. Given that we encouraged our children to choose parents for other family members, that made logical sense to us.
For you it might be something different.

Ignore the posters who want to think the worst of your MIL. Just explain to her what your family tradition is, and will continue to be. That the mantelpiece stocking is from Santa, and everything else is from you/her/others.

Did you manage to get it back? I still use the stocking I’ve had since I was born, now in my 50’s. It was knitted by DM’s colleague. I don’t care if I don’t get anything else, so long as there’s something in my stocking!

That’s ridiculous! DD is not her child. She can see DD after Christmas and any ‘hurt and/or offence’ will be her own creation. Do not be controlled or coerced by your DH

The lack of a stocking for new baby brother really isn't a big deal.

Again, whether you decide that you're happy for Father Christmas to have dropped a second stocking off at Grandma's place, or you would rather say it's from Grandma herself, it's not a big deal.

'Why doesn't baby brother have another stocking?'

'Oh, Father Christmas knows that babies don't need too many toys because they're only little, so he'll get another stocking next year when he's bigger.'

'Grandma gave baby brother this lovely teddy bear/blanket/hat/whatever but he's so little he won't know what a stocking is or be able to open all the little presents like you can, so Grandma will give him a stocking next year.'

It's really a good idea to teach children to be as flexible and as resilient about Christmas as possible, with matter-of-fact answers and a general attitude of lots of different options and ways of doing things - it avoids them growing into adults who freak out if anything has to be slightly different from their usual experience and who apparently cannot ever compromise on anything regarding the Big Day.

Start as you mean to go on and keep things as light as possible. It'll make life so much easier.

Have a lovely Christmas! 🎄🎄🎄

This is quite unusual, as in my experience Grandparents can't wait to show how generous they have been and demand all forms of thanks and appreciation for their efforts.

Very unusual for a GP to want to remain anonymous and give credit to someone else, even if that is Father Christmas!.

Tell her it's for this year only as she sprung on you but you'd appreciate she leaves the stockings to you and dh. Which is only fair, it is for the parents to do when it comes from santa. I don't know why anyone would even do one without asking the parents, that's usually common sense that their children would have a stocking from santa already. Why are people do odd?
I mean if you want she can still do a stocking but it doesn't have to be from santa, it can be from her. To my children santa only visits houses with children, so not grandparents.

Typical getting over excited about the presence of small and easily confused children who were visiting for Christmas, and not a great sense of what is an appropriate way to gift.

I was a boring (to her) twenty year old at that point but even I knew that you can't randomly give children stockings.

My son is one, and I'm interested as to whether MIL will show up with a stocking on Christmas Day when they visit. If she does, I'll say something about 'the more the merrier now when he doesn't understand it'. But note for the future to be clear about what our Christmas traditions are.

My Mil did this for a couple of years at our house, where she claimed all the presents her and FiL had brought with them were from Santa. I didn't like this because i thought they deserved the credit for purchasing them and my MIL tied herself in knots when she stupidly told my DD that Santa had dropped them off before Christmas at her house. I just asked her not to claim their gifts were from Santa after that, and bless her she agreed.

If it makes you feel any better my MIL who used to shower my kids with suitcases full of presents now just bungs cash in a card. I think the kids ( now late teens) miss the random plastic tat and the mangled stories of how Santa dropped them off, even if i don't.