MIL and the Christmas stocking

Let it go for this Christmas but no more stockings from MIL.

Xmas stockings are only for you to do - she’s being really insensitive so just tell her straight. Her presents can be given another time.

I never did, it wasn't cultural for my family. They didn't make a big deal of santa. People used to fill stockings with mostly plastic rubbish and things that shouldn't be gifts, underwear etc. I think it's better to see Christmas as a season and space out events, rather than just one day.

Of course both children should have stockings and they should be from granny and not FC.

In the nicest possible way, MIL doing a stocking from Santa can be problematic.

We always had stockings from Santa at home (little gifts). MIL then would make a big song and dance of 'Oh look Santa has been here too.' DD1 got very confused at the fact Santa got her the same thing twice. MIL finally got the hint due to DDs questions, but I think it was a big shift closer to DD stopping believing.

@bandicoot99

I also agree. So many people complain about grandparents on here not doing enough (usually in-laws), and you’ve got these loving ones who are just trying to help and not really causing an issue and it’s some sort of drama. Grandparents won’t be around forever, I had an amazing relationship with mine who did this kind of thing and I loved it. Surely it’s better for foster a loving relationship between them and your child. An extra stocking, god forbid!!

The trouble with Santa is that everyone approaches it differently, you have to be prepared with what you say in your house to keep the magic alive. I've always had relatives who said "oh, Santa left this at my house for you!". I told mine from a young age that Santa doesn't bring ALL the presents, just the ones in your stocking and everything else is bought for you, but some people like to pretend everything is from Santa - that's why Jimmy got a PS5 and Sally got a jigsaw. But it's not nice to spoil it for other people. So although WE know it's just those stocking gifts that are from Santa, if other people say different things we just smile and play along!

Well I was very annoyed when my MIL did this - she had already had her fun and I thought it cheapened the FC stockings - took away some magic.

We said our ones were Father Christmas and the others were from Granny. And it all turned out alright in the end.

But I will not be doing this for my grandchildren!

@Lumpofcoal as you say your MIL is usually lovely, their family tradition was for the whole family to give gifts from Santa, and (like us) you do family presents in the evening, maybe our tradition of Santa stockings first thing and family stockings with small gifts from grandparents later in the day might be a good compromise? Let your MIL enjoy making the stocking and have a new tradition to replace their old family tradition, and your DC get to enjoy having a second stocking with some of their gifts from their DGM rather than waiting all day, win win! 😂

It annoys me when Grandparents take it upon themselves the nice and special parts of parenting without checking with the parents. You had your chance. Let the parents do it now.

@bandicoot99 I agree with you.

I find some of the reactions here way over the top, who cares if MIL also wants to give DD a stocking, am sure a 4 year old will buy whatever story you tell her and just be glad to get more presents. My MIL sadly died before our DC were born and DH and I would give anything to have seen her experience a Christmas with the DC. My own mum goes way over the top with presents for Christmas, birthdays and just spoiling them in general but I don't say anything as we don't know how many more Christmases we will have with her and it makes her happy and the DC happy so where's the harm? She doesn't say the presents are from Santa but if she wanted to I wouldnt care and would find a way to explain it to the DC. For all the posters saying OP's DH should stand up to the MIL, I would be pretty unhappy if my DH told me to reign in my own mum as I'm sure many others would be but somehow it's ok when it's the MIL?

I had small presents from Santa in the stocking in the morning, big presents from parents. When my grandparents came round I got more presents and little ones from Santa. When my grandmother died (unfortunately young), my grandad kept up with the tradition. I was never confused about it, just excited! He still did it up to when he died and I was in my 30s!!

I loved it, but now concerned from all the posts on here I have some unresolved trauma from having two stockings I’m not aware of 😂

She’s well meaning (probably) but this is an overstep. You do the stockings for your kids, she had her turn!

If she wants to hang over pressies from her in the stocking, great. But when you are the parents of small kids, you get to be gather Christmas and she shouldn’t dilute/change/interfere with what you have planned.

She will see DD open her stocking (from you). If she makes a fuss about it not being HER stocking then it’s clear that she’s making it ahout herself and not DD.

Also weird not to include baby, for no other reason than to not confuse your other child! We are putting nappies in our baby’s stocking! Our older child would query otherwise.

It would annoy me that she hasn't had the foresight to realise that you're going to have your own way of doing things (surely she must realise you will have bought presents for a stocking yourself already?!)

If she's otherwise lovely I wouldn't make a huge deal of it though. I'd just say to her that you've bought the stocking presents already and DD is expecting to put her own stocking out. So give her the choice...she could either give DD the stocking 'from her' and take the credit, or Santa can leave an extra stocking (with the main one, or in grandma's room) which can be explained away as an exciting one-off in the way others have already said. I reckon your DD will love this and if she is anything like my DS she'll be saying for a couple of years...remember that time FC got me an extra one! So personally I would go all in for the latter option...but I think it's MIL's choice.

It's a non-issue for your DS as he's not old enough to appreciate it anyway. This part wouldn't bother me at all. You could even say that maybe the extra one is because of how good she's been with him or something.

Sorry...crossed with your update. But what you've said sounds fine. It also makes sense as it sets a precedent for future years. Also it would be strange if your DD found she had lots of presents from other family but nothing from MIL so that's a good way of explaining it.

@WatchOutForBabyHaggis absolutely and it's very suspicious when coupled with "we can't say anything without causing offence and hurt".

Why?? A dh protecting mils fragile ego rings alarm bells.

If any of us here did this and someone kindly said Oh orange, would it be possible to to do x " would you be offended and deeply hurt?? I may be ever so slightly but who cares I'm a grown adult

I feel really deprived every time someone mentions getting a stocking as I’m sure I never had one and my husband doesn’t think he did either! As a result, neither of us knew to do a stocking for our child initially, we do now well its a little hessian sack but I feel I’ve not made Christmas very special. partly through ignorance. My mum has also never bought dd (her only grandchild) an advent calendar.

She’s had her turn doing Father Christmas - and now she wants to muscle in on yours. Having said which, it’s going to be great for your daughter getting so many presents! I think I would ask if she could give your baby some gifts too - say there are certain things he needs, it would be wonderful to get them in a stocking, if she would be so kind … It doesn’t seem right to give to one child and not the other. I would also ask if her stocking presents are from her or from Father Christmas because if they’re from her then there’s no problem really - although it is a bit odd of her to put them in a stocking. If they’re from Father Christmas- and your mil won’t budge on that - then you’re going to have to run with the “Oh look, Father Christmas bought you two stockings!” Idea.

I am firm in my view that Father Christmas only delivers presents to one place - to the child. Any other presents are from the people who bring them.
It's always kind and well-meant, but grandparents and everyone just need to take a step back and remember they have had their turn at "being" Father Christmas. Now it's the child's parent's turn.
Grandma should realise she can still get pleasure from watching your daughter open presents from her. They can still be given in a stocking if that's what she wants, but they are from her.

I'm sorry but I think you will have to have a word with mil so what if it causes offence.

Your 4 year old is excited to hang up her stocking and now there's another one m

"mil thank you so much for thinking about dd and a stocking. But I'm surprised you didn't think we would have already got her one?
Can you give her the contents and keep your stockings for your house?

Op these things need to be nipped in the bud I can't understand what people think??

My Mil uses to give my two the cheapest Cadbury Caldender when I'd already go to them lovely ones. Hers did get donated to charity at Christmas.

I'd never ever think to do this to my dc??

I can't imagine ever thinking this??

I’d just say Father Christmas presents first, then ours a little later and after that family gifts, including Granny’s. Make it clear Granny’s stocking is a gift from Granny and nothing to do with Father Christmas.

Despite being generally lovely and reasonable my MIL likes to say the gifts from her and FIL are from Santa (although thankfully she doesn't do a stocking).

I just don't make a big deal over it and ask them to thank ILs for the gifts when they have been opened, DC have never really questioned it but if they did I would just discreetly say they were from ILs.

ILs usually host so this hasn't been too problematic in the past as DC open Santa gifts in the morning at our house and IL gifts later at their house. We are hosting this year and I am hopeful this will mean the pretence is quietly dropped as the DC will see them arrive with gifts.

As I said in my PP, we have Santa stockings from Santa first thing for children (on the end of their beds) and everyone gets a stocking with small presents from grandparents after breakfast (hung from the mantelpiece) because one family had a tradition of adult stockings. Santa stockings are hung up on Christmas Eve, the other stockings are there as decorations for the whole of advent. DC were never confused or questioned it. They were told adults don’t get gifts from Santa so our family like to make stockings for everyone. The stockings are just a receptacle for presents in our house 🤷‍♀️