MIL and the Christmas stocking

We buy a stocking for our 2 grandchildren, DGD 2 and DGS 11 months, for when they arrive at ours on Xmas morning. Father Christmas is magical and visits all the houses in one night... you MIL must have said how good your DD has been so he left a stocking for her there too. 😊

As far as not buying for the baby though, I'm sorry but I would be firm, you buy for both or neither. Non negotiable.

My parents would tell my DC that Father Christmas had dropped presents at their house for DC too! Kids don’t give it a second thought, and it was never an issue.

I can assure you that your DD will not give too hoots how the stocking ended up with her, or why your son doesn’t have one.

Your Santa sounds more like my view of Santa (and fortunately DH's).

Someone else mentioned this but it’s a good argument to use: if some children get a ton of gifts from FC including expensive items, then back at school in January, those children who don’t will feel even worse- it adds a layer of guilt and shame that they aren’t nice, they’re naughty. Whereas if FC brings small gifts to people and the extra things are from our relatives, that’s different. Kids understand that not everyone can afford things, but FC is magic and affording it shouldn’t be part of that! Would Nana be open to hearing this, @Lumpofcoal ?

@healthybychristmas thank you for your honesty

Ive had to take a hard line with MIL a few times over Christmas. The first time was her hanging a Baby’s First Christmas ornament on her tree, with DD’s birth year. She also did the stocking thing a separate year, wanting Santa to bring a stocking there as well and couldn’t understand why this would be confusing. She was adamant the stocking would be from Santa and not from her. DH stepped in and no, she is not your baby, she doesn’t live at your house, this is not your do-over.

I never get this argument. Does it make any difference to this poor child whether their classmates Nintendo came from Santa or parents? Is it meant to make them feel better that their own parents couldn't be arsed to make any effort, rather than Santa? (Or if you prefer, are so terribly poor - although I don't believe anyone is so poor they haven't got £20 once a year for Christmas presents)

Most kids young enough to believe in Santa won't be getting anything as expensive as a Nintendo anyway ... More likely a few toys and books...can be obtained from a charity shop or off Facebook marketplace for peanuts

Problem with this, is that it implies that MIL’s stocking is more important, and then she will do it EVERY year 😕

By the children, I mean my son and his wife!

I think your mother-in-law needs to back off. I have a new granddaughter and yes of course I would love to push the children out of the way 🤣and do it all myself! I would fully expect to be told that certain things are for them to do,not me. Being a grandmother is such a special relationship and it's completely different from the parental role.

Buying and organising the Christmas stocking is the parents' job. She should not be pushing in on this. I think you should be quite firm and say "I know how much you love her but the mum and dad do the stocking and the grandparents bring lovely gifts. Please can you give her your presents without them being in a stocking? After all, you wouldn't have liked it if your mother-in-law had taken on that role when your DC were little, would you?"

She's coming for a good place but she's not letting you have the experience that she enjoyed so much. That is selfish ultimately.

The Santa thing probably doesn't matter but your MIL not treating your kids equally does.

I'd tell her, both or none. Right from his birth you want it clear to both DC they're equal and loved the same. Dd is old enough to notice

Agree everything with my ex mil felt like a competition. Really glad l don't have that crap now. She's overstepping and it needs to be dealt with.

It's from MIL - just stick to it being presents from granny, in a stocking. Not the same as the stocking she will wake up to from Santa.

I would also try not to overthink too much the number of presents, it sounds like it's very modest and she will enjoy the extra bits from Granny

@TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis excellent post.

No they are not one fuzzy warm hemongenous group

@MellowCritic such a simple respectful concept and yet the inaction of it causes others so, much, stress.

Just bloody ask!!

To all grandparents out there. You've had your time with your kids now let your children have the same memories with theirs! Check that what you're arranging is wanted.

when my first DS was 4 and second DS was 6 months first DS had a stocking whereas the 6month old had some pressies but not as many. We said that second DS knew he was very lucky to have lots of toys already (cos he had all the ones we already had) so had asked Father Christmas to give more toys to some other children who weren’t as lucky. I just couldn’t face yet more stuff we really didn’t need or want and we’re just buying for the sake of it 🙈

Dear mil had her chance to do things her way with her own children. You and your husband should set the parameters for your children and the grandparents should follow your lead. They shouldn’t get a do over at your expense.

The only problem i see id that she hasn’t got the baby one, he may not notice but your daughter and you certainly will. Personally im just grateful when other people buy my children things. It’s up to you to decide whether you want your child to know if its from FC or her, not up to your Mil.

Interested to know what traditions of your DH's you've kept seeing as you had very different Christmases growing up?

This!

See if tell her outright after living through this! My firstborn was o my GS for a while and then when second child came along was treated differently. In the end I put my foot down and told her it wasn’t happening anymore. As they got older they started to notice

I would just tell her that you appreciate the gifts but your children already have personalised stockings from their parents so more than one will just cause confusion. Ask her to keep her stocking at home for when LO is older and realises that presents come from family and not from Santa.

Good idea. And yes, she has overstepped. She should have asked first.

We have always spread Christmas over two mornings -my side come on Boxing Day and we did the ‘Santa left this at Granny and Grandad’s for you’. That worked fine for us. But MIL got wind of it and suggested to BIL that they could do the same, so that when they left ours and went to BIL’s they could bring DNs gifts and see them open them. SIL knocked that suggestion on the head immediately- she insisted that everything was left at theirs in advance and their DC opened everything on Christmas morning. DH and BIL pointed out that they had done that as DC so why were PIL trying to change it now?

It is up to the DCs’ parents how things should be done - GPs need to be sensitive and not try to get their own way.