To think two children is a big mistake?

Err I would like to say it gets better but I don't think so. The nightmare shift continues, mine are older school aged children and as soon as we get in the car the bickering begins. Generally being out and about is when they play nice and have eachother to go off with, but at home they constantly squabble, argue over the TV and get on each others nerves!

What’s the worst bits OP?

I have a 1 and 4 yo.

4 yo does 15 hours at preschool (half week) and starting reception next September. I have them both all day for the rest of the week.

i do prefer the days where I have a breather from older child but overall my days are mainly manageable and I enjoy most of it. I’m pregnant with dc3 which is what I find exhausting. I do look forward to them both going to bed at night!!

Mine are 4 and 6, and play together really well most of the time. I loved having a brother (still do), and wanted that for them. It will get easier. When mine were 1 and 3 it was very hard.

Can this please not be turned into a thread about how shit it is to be an only child?

OP, I only have one myself but I’m sure it will get easier as they get older and more independent, and are able to interact with each other more. Hang in there.

I never felt that way at all tbh. Dd and ds are 2.5 years apart in age and are now 16 and 19. They've always got on really well and still do. They were fairly easy babies and toddlers really - I was lucky.

I don’t have any friends that have stopped at one, but I do have one friend that was an only child and she often says she’d have loved a sibling to grow up with and that her childhood was pretty lonely.

Remember you’ll have teens and adult kids that are bound to be really close and less pressure to keep a singleton entertained. Our kids and their cousins are all young adults and it’s lovely to see the bond they have because their mums are sisters.

It’s a tough stage.

100% make sure you have some scheduled kid free time each week. It will help if you feel like you can take a breath. Ask for help from partner/family/friends or pay for a sitter. It’s cheaper than a divorce, or a long term psychologist.

I suspect putting some structure into your afternoon/evenings might help a lot.

maybe 4pm story time might work.
maybe an early bath and let them play together in the water.
maybe 10 minutes of music/dancing at a regular time might help.

things preschools and daycares do really well is have consistent transitions. So a song before meal time or pack up time or whatever.

They also get kids to ‘help’ pack up. And actually kids can be taught to pack up pretty well. You have to be there with them and really get involved as well as making it predictable. I think it is a really important skill. If you would feel better about a clean house in the afternoon then plan it into the afternoon routines with warnings, a regular transition time (eg song) and something fun to do after (motivation). It will take some time and consistency but kids learn pretty quick when their sturdy parent sets reasonable routines and helps their little one adjust to it.

after pack up time might be snack then music or reading.

You can enjoy having two kids even though there are a lot of moments of hard.

Different things work for different people but for me it would have definitely been a mistake. Before having a kid I always imagined having 2. Once I had the one it was a hell no to a second. Absolutely the right decision for me.
i look at friends with 2 and all I can think of is thank god that’s not my life

Awww @user1471505494 the sick bucket story is so sweet!

Two is ideal. There will come a time where they will entertain each other. From experience, being an only can be miserable.

Mine are similar ages. It’s tough, isn’t it! But eyes on the prize. They’ll have a playmate for days out , on holidays etc when older and we won’t have to be sole entertainer!

We’re really in the trenches at this age and I don’t know about you but everything feels worse in the winter for me because you can’t run the energy off after preschool. 3-7 is the hard shift.

I find two harder than one but also more fun! Even a day out with the two sprogs in the back of the car together feels like more of an adventure.

You will look back on this age and run how cute and adorable they are but when you're in it, it's bloody hard!

Mine are 12 and 9 now and fight like mad which I hate but also love each other like crazy. It's wonderful.

I found two better, more fun, more interesting, they have each other to interact with, I wasn't hyper focused on the first born

When they are 4 and 1 it’s sooo much easier to just have one! You literally have double the work with two.

it will even out as the younger one becomes older. They will start to play together and that will tip the balance. It’s hard being the parent of an only child as you always have to be their playmate. Also school hours were the saving of me…I had three age 4 and under at the start
of covid and it nearly broke me. Anyone who tells you it gets harder as they get older is just wrong!!

however I don’t think it’s ever easier having two than one. It will just become equally as easy / hard.

I have a slightly different view, if having two kids means you are on the verge of divorce then I think any stressful situation whether it be kids or a parent death or redundancy could have this affect too the marriage. I think it’s used to reflect on the marriage and if it’s something worth working on so you can survive any stressful situation.

You have my absolute sympathy, but, as others have said, it does pass. And I do think only children are worse off than those with siblings. Not that that helps.

Me and my brother fought all through primary and secondary school, in fact I'd say it got worse as we got older - still don't get on 35 years later! Some kids just don't get on and never will. Having only one was the best decision I ever made, this was made very clear when all my friends were struggling with their two!

I had 16 months between my two and sometimes times were very hard. As they got older trying to get them to different after school activities could be difficult. Once they were teenagers it was easier When the oldest was driving he took his sister to her parties etc and often collected her as well. One night / early morning she had a bit too much alcohol. I heard them come in and DD was saying don’t tell Mum. He made sure she had the sick bucket and water to drink and checked on her in the night
Now they are adults and have teenagers themselves I am very glad they have a sibling to lean on when life gets rough. They are always there for each other and for us

3 till 7 was always nicknamed the witching hours. It helped to be with other kids till teatime.

Admittedly I only have one (for a few more months..) but at one, we had to do something morning and afternoon. Neither of us could cope with being in for massive lengths of time or it felt like 5pm was centuries away 😅

We usually did one paid thing - like a playgroup or whatever - and then one free thing, like feeding the ducks or going to the park. I did feel like I lived at the fucking park for a while, but it did work!

I always aimed for a couple of hours at home in the day maximum. Then he’d play while I cooked, and I’d play with him between tea and bed, and it just seemed to flow a bit better than trying to force everyone to be happy at home for long stretches of time. Whenever possible we took snacks/lunch with us, or got something out if finances allowed.

You’re not alone there x

It’s much easier having two IME from mid primary upwards.
you will reap the rewards then!