FERAL xmas day gift opening

There is no right or wrong way, it's upto each individual how they like to do it.

We don't get our children to open in turns but they do take time opening their presents and talking about the gift they have just opened.

Family presents are set aside to open after, we find this easier to manage in terms of thanking the person who gifted them it.

YANBU to want that. I'd approach your DH when you have a moment alone and explain specifically why you feel it's excessively chaotic. Excitement is natural, but children can be taught to tone it down. Ask him, if they're just going to rip through everything in a couple of minutes, why are you bothering to wrap everything? Might just as well leave it by the tree unwrapped and save the cost of the wrappings, not to mention your valuable time and effort.

I'd really struggle with this, and even if DH isn't fully in agreement, you could try to implement a change. Make the new system clear before the chaos has a chance to get started, in the days leading up to Christmas. 'This year we're doing things differently. We'll pass around the gifts one at a time so we can enjoy seeing what everyone has received.' They might protest, but they'll survive!

And yes to a ratio to spread out the gifts for older children. That's how we always did it, and it worked out fine. They know their gifts cost more and are fewer in number, and they're old enough to understand why that is.

Well, that's down to parenting. If parents haven't taught some restraint and manners, then what do people expect?

You sound a bit too passive for me, you are in charge so tell them what you want to happen. No child of mine, despite age, would get presents from me if they werent grateful and immediately disappeared to their room. Parent them!

Put out half before breakfast/getting ready, and half after. My kids get overwhelmed opening all of them in one go so we split it to continue the fun later.

Presumably they look at their presents properly later, after they've done the unwrapping. Does it matter that they do the actual unwrapping part in a frenzy, provided they look at and appreciate the presents later on?

I wouldn't expect kids just to go back to their separate rooms after opening their presents on Christmas Day - I'd expect the family to be together and I'd certainly expect them to show some gratitude. But I don't think it really matters how they open their gifts.

When I was a kid, my dad, brother and me used to look at each present after we'd opened it while my mum and sister used to open things really quickly - I can remember my sister saying to me 'Are you going to read that entire book before you open your next present, or what?' one year because she was impatient for me to open whatever she'd given me. But I know that we all appreciated the presents in just the same way, ultimately. We just had different opening styles. I'm pretty sure that even as someone who opened things relatively carefully, there were still things I didn't really get round to properly looking at until Boxing Day when I was a child. Boxing Day for us was often all about playing with new toys etc which we didn't really do on Christmas Day amid all the eating, family stuff etc.

Are you really that worried about being called a party pooper?

There is a lot of clear water between a feral present pile on and everyone sitting round for hours watching everyone else. It should be possible to make it a pleasant, family occasion.

This 100% from when they were able to unwrap by themselves

Doesn't mean they don't have to take time when opening and to say thank you though, does it?

Sounds miserable, I wouldn’t have that.

It sounds awful.

We do one at a time too, other than stockings which are done first.

When the children were young, I used to space out the opening of presents throughout the day - a couple before breakfast, a couple after, and so on throughout the day. I tended to give them in a particular order so for example if they had a Lego set I'd give them that when I knew I would be engaged in the kitchen for a while.

I probably stopped doing that when they were teens though - then it was probably a couple before breakfast and all the rest after. Even so, I always made sure that they looked at one properly before moving onto the next.

I also always made a list of who gave them what so I could make sure that they wrote thank you letters.

Now they are adults, they have fewer presents so we tend to open them in one session. Whoever is sitting nearest the tree finds one for everyone else and we all open one each, thank whoever has given it, hand it round to show others etc.

I'm guessing that any kids that behave like this aren't really that much fun to be around, so the fact they then go back to their rooms afterwards is probably a significant bonus.

You are the adult so probably time to do some adulting and set some acceptable behaviour patterns.

Yeah it is horrible, but it’s the parents that allow this. I was taught, and in turn taught my children, to delay gratification by pacing out the present opening. Stockings are first thing, then a tree present mid-morning, and if routine allows, the rest of the presents are opened together in the afternoon.

One year I had food poisoning so was too ill to get out of bed on Christmas Day, so dh and the dcs went over to my parents for Christmas dinner. The dcs opened their presents at 6pm that evening when they were back home and I was well enough to get up. The didn’t complain, they said the main thing was that I was well enough to watch them. Bless them they were only about 8 and 9.

I would absolutely hate it if I spent all that time and money and effort I am lovely gifts and my kids acted like that. It would make me want to cry! I have two kids and they always have the same number of presents so one would open a present and then the other would. I don't think kids appreciate anything if they are acting the way yours do. As your husband, after one Christmas that would've been it for me! I think it says an awful lot about someone's upbringing if they behave like that.

That's how we do it in our family

Talk to your DH. What you want to be different? See what you can agree on.

Like several other posters, only stockings are a free for all here (to buy us an extra half hour in bed!). Then if every one is ready before church there is time for them to choose one or two each before we go, then we have snacks and rest of presents when we get back.

What do you want?

Oh we have no one to thanks. They are all from us so that's easy.

We do too. I make wee champagne cocktails. It takes us a good while.

This is the right and proper way. How do people who have a free for all know who gave what present? Presumably the children don't then say/send thank yous to the appropriate people? Totally unacceptable in my book.

That happens here too. Plus younger children want to open things right up and skip turns, so build a backlog. We are very laid back with it. Adults always have less here, but it is grand because it gradually tails off anyway as people stop to examine things.

We don't wrap santa stuff, that goes in a sack. So there are family gifts and one present for each child from us.

I think a massive free for all stops children from taking in who bought things, or what they have and just feels like a consumer fest. Our children get excitement from giving us their gifts and giving gifts to one another. I like to see that. We are on the same page though, so that is easier.

I have to say I hate the thought of opening gifts one by one with everyone watching - I absolutely can’t stand opening gifts in front of other people! Can’t they just tear in as they please?

The issue is them running off to their rooms after. As the present opening comes to a close can you stick on a Christmas film for everyone to watch together with chocolate coins/whatever is in their stocking? Then you can talk during the film about which gifts they liked and why, in a no pressure way.

Mine are 12 and 14 and don't listen to me usually though but they are used to it this way.

I absolutely hated Christmas Day when I was a child because of this. We were allowed to do the feral opening, and even for a NT kid it's overwhelming, but for an ADHD child (late diagnosis) it's completely ruinous.

As an adult, we do as other PPs have said: one each on waking up, one after breakfast, one after a walk, one mid-afternoon, etc. The present opening might take several days but it means we can enjoy each one, share the experience, actually register and even use the gifts we've received. My most ND child can take weeks to open all their presents (and there aren't loads), because they need to really go slowly.

Good luck, OP! It can be done, especially if you bribe them with snacks and the like. Happy Christmas x

I tell both dds to take turns.

We have akways done it that way. I like to see each of their faces. If they do it at the sane time I won't get to.

This year I've ended up getting both exactly the same gifts though so they might have to open theirs together.

Why does it happen?
Because you allow it.