FERAL xmas day gift opening

Personally I don't like the feral stuff, it made me incredibly anxious and stressed as a kid, I'd be bollocked for not showing excitement properly and told I'm ungreatful. It was very very common for the kids in my extended family to be encouraged to dive in. And my sibling continued that with their children.

They're actually all very lovely kids and nice to be around and super thankful, I allowed my dd to open how she wanted which has always been slowly and studying each item and I don't rush her. Same for bdays and other gift giving occasions, I've been criticised for it so often because the rest of my family hand her a gift and then rush her to get the next one opened.

I think in this scenario because the op is a stepmum, her trying to change the way Xmas is done for her step kids isn't as simple as telling her it's her job to not allow it. Step mums get told they're overstepping boundaries for much much less than changing how Xmas day has always been done before blending. They're told to be passive and detach if they don't like parenting choices of the stepkids parents.

I hand out all the presents, one or two at a time. Everyone watches and waits their turn. Joint presents get opened together.

Op if your older kids get fewer higher value presents I'm sure they realise that, and would end up finishing opening their presents sooner anyway.

Hand out one or two at a time to tour younger kids if you wanted to even it up.

They only do it because they receive too much.

we’ve always done it that kids open at the same time, but the excitement meant that showing mum and dad what Santa had brought was part of it! So yes it was a mess, wrapping paper everywhere (and still is. We have to stop midway and tidy up before any presents get lost) but there was no disappearing into rooms. There would always be thank yous and chatting about presents as we go.

The adults would take it in turns of 2s lol. Me and my sister, our partners, then my mum and dad. But all piles of presents are handed out at the same time and everyone sees what everyone has got.

maybe they all dislike each other and want to get it over and done with asap then retreat.

@Nanny0gg

No, I commented above.

I don’t think people are watching one person open all their presents then move on to the next person, that does sound tedious. Each person opens one present in turn then go round again. At least that’s what we do.

Sorry, I may have misconstrued what you meant.

Ah let them be it's part of my memory of Xmas. When all opened then they can go through them. We always said thank you and rang family to tell them we loved the gift 🤷‍♀️

Older teens can enjoy watching their siblings.

I admit it, i come from a 'feral family'. It is absolutely normal where i come from
When I met OH family I felt their way was shocking!! - handing out one present at a time.

Our kids are grown now and me and OH have said lets do one present every hour this Christmas , and that sounds lovely

Id let little kids be feral
They are only arent thanking you after every gift because of excitement, let it go

We have always handed presents out one at a time. Youngest to oldest open a present each then go round again. My eldest always liked being the one to hand them out. Paper went straight into a bag. .

Your older kids should understand that they get less to open so it shouldn’t be a problem. They can take over the handing out.

Very good.

Firstly, you are bringing them up, OP.
Secondly, as a child free woman, I'm very happy for a Christmas day only with my husband of 20 years.
Never needed this excitement in my life.

I would hate that, but it’s what you get with a free for all.

We hand out in rounds by giver, so for example everyone has their presents from MIL all together, and all open them while MIL watches and smiles on benevolently, then everyone thanks her politely and we all move on to the presents from another person.

So each round, some people might be sitting it out, some might have a little pile, some just one, but it just brings a bit of order and gratitude into proceedings.

We had this once - ever since everyone is up dressed and breakfasted first and then the kids have to pass the presents out to everyone so we all take turns - makes it last longer and helps them realise it’s not all about them . Do your DC buy for others in the family so they have presents to actively give too ?

This is what it was like in my house growing up. Now in my family we take it in turns. But my dd is small so it might be more difficult when she gets older. I get where you’re coming from but if this is the pattern your family are now in there is probably no turning back the tide.

@Snugglemonkey
Our children get excitement from giving us their gifts and giving gifts to one another

I think this is the only comment that mentions children giving gifts as well as receiving them. Taking turns makes present opening a shared experience.

YANBU this would give me the rage so we taught our DDs to take turns when they were toddlers.

I wouldn’t allow that but I also could not sit watching everyone opening gifts one by one, that’s very cringy to me! Mine open gifts at their own speed and always know who they are off because me and DH are helping/supervising

Yanbu to want to do things in a more civilized way, but it is in your gift to facilitate that, OP, particularly with the older children (unless you have a DH problem, that is...).

You need to tell DH that's not normal - maybe show him this thread!

In our house stockings can be opened any time after midnight

Tree presents after 7am (was 6 when they were younger)

Everyone takes it in turn to open presents and show the rest of us. Thank yous are texted same day and no they can't spend the rest of the day in their rooms. Some time has to be spent together - Dinner, games, film, walk etc.

We see different family Boxing Day so some presents are opened then - nice to split it over 2 days

I don't get why you keep buying them lots/expensive presents when they are like this?

Urgh. I get that each family has its traditions but ... XH2's family did the giant pile-in and I found it slightly disgusting! They also used to give dozens of trash gifts - sweets, joke toys, anything from the pound shop - just so there were even more packages to rip open.

OP, could you compromise by doing both? Let them dive into a pile of stuff for the paper frenzy, then give them their more meaningful presents one a time later on?

I have only ever seen that on you've been framed style home videos.

In real life we sit around calmly and take it in turns.

If you're describing your kids as 'feral' you might want to actively change/correct it, only you as a parent can.

No free for all in my house either. Gifts are handed out one at a time after Xmas lunch and the givers name stated. Even stockings are dragged into a circle Xmas morning and we go around with each person opening one gift at a time. In fact very often some stocking gifts are kept for Boxing Day. Even my young DGC understand this is how we do it. I know my DC all do the same. DC will do as they have been taught and if you've always had a free for all this is what they will do. You have to start as you mean to go on.

I had a big family, loads of siblings .. we did Christmas like this, such a happy memory. Paper flying everywhere, Dad with his bin bag picking up the wrapping, all trying to see what the others had got .. such joy.

We are all in, or heading towards, our 60s, Dad died years ago, Mum now in a care home .., I wouldn’t swap the memories of that crazy present opening, for anything.