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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being ungrateful?

37 replies

oaktreeaandme · 17/12/2024 09:28

It's a birthday one.

I woke up at the usual time and went downstairs at the usual time, to find DH wangling the kids so sign my birthday card. It seems the other 24 hours a day of 364 days of the week he was too busy to do this.

I am then presented with my birthday cake while kids are eating cereal - cake still in the box, complete with cellophane wrap.
Taking it out the box clearly too much effort.

Finally a present ... A men's jumper for a sports team that is a very tenuous link to something I like (think being given a Kansas city chiefs jumper just because I occasionally listen to Taylor swift).
I have suffered with weight problems my whole life and although I am a normal weight, my head will never shake the being fat and DH knows this. So why would I want a men's oversized jumper for a team I don't support?

A meal out tonight (I booked table) and a hotel stay (again, I booked). I asked husband what we are doing during the day as we are both off work....his reply 'what would you like to do?'

Next year I am going to book myself a spa trip for 1, no fucks given

OP posts:
lionloaf · 17/12/2024 09:58

What’s the story with the jumper? Did he think you’d like it or is it really for him? Has he bought tickets for you both to see the team play maybe?

I think the card is fine, and the cake especially - presumably you weren’t going to eat the cake for breakfast? He’s shown you it and he can “present” it later with candles etc when you’re ready to tuck in.

Enjoy your hotel stay and dinner out! Maybe ask him to plan a date day for you both over Christmas as you found this morning underwhelming? I’ll be honest though - if I or my partner had booked a dinner and a hotel stay for a birthday, it would be assumed that was “the plan”, and nothing else would be booked, so I’m not sure what else you were expecting? If the issue was in you booking it you should have raised it before now. Otherwise, it sounds like you’ve been waiting for him to “fail”.

Original poster
oaktreeaandme · 17/12/2024 09:53

You've nailed it @StrawberryWater

I am in a phase of feeling unappreciated in general and I think this has just epitomised why.

Fortunately with new year coming it it's a great time to make some changes.

OP posts:
StrawberryWater · 17/12/2024 09:47

Happyinarcon · 17/12/2024 09:35

I would love it to be honest. A cake is a cake and a card is a card. I would also graciously accept the jumper and then go buy something that I would prefer and tell the kids mum bought herself an extra present. Your husband could have taken the easy way with a bunch of flowers, at least some thought went into it.

No thought went into it, that's the point.

A cake handed to her still in it's cellophane wrapping - could've unwrapped it at least.

Kids signing a card at the breakfast table - could he not have sorted it the night before when he was saying good night to the kids?

A jumper that he seemingly grabbed from a rail because of some tenuous link, which was also for a man which was also in a massive size - Clearly he went out and bought a jumper. Clearly he then also could've gone into the women's section. They're not light years apart in shops. Clearly this is probably a gift for himself.

Then he has the audacity not to plan a meal, not to plan a night away (Op had to do both) and ask her "what would you like to do" when asked what he had planned for the day.

That's appalling. If anyone thinks that's great then they have some really low expectations and that's really sad.

StrawberryWater · 17/12/2024 09:47

...

Original poster
oaktreeaandme · 17/12/2024 09:41

tilypu · 17/12/2024 09:36

I wish I had 365 days a week, as long as I still only had to work 5 of them...

That aside, I honestly would rather no effort than that level of poor effort.

It's not too late to find a spa day for one...

This is where my head is at, I would rather no effort than a half arsed one.

He's just asked if I am going in the shower (I had said yesterday I was going to have a long shower, do my immac etc in anticipation of a nice romantic hotel evening). I've just said given this morning so far, my Fanny has entirely dried up.

OP posts:
tilypu · 17/12/2024 09:36

I wish I had 365 days a week, as long as I still only had to work 5 of them...

That aside, I honestly would rather no effort than that level of poor effort.

It's not too late to find a spa day for one...

Happyinarcon · 17/12/2024 09:35

I would love it to be honest. A cake is a cake and a card is a card. I would also graciously accept the jumper and then go buy something that I would prefer and tell the kids mum bought herself an extra present. Your husband could have taken the easy way with a bunch of flowers, at least some thought went into it.

MermaidEyes · 17/12/2024 09:34

I think YANBU about the card, cake and gift, that sounds absolutely shit. But I don't agree it's husbands job to decide what you want to do today, it's your birthday so really you should choose. I don't expect other people to decide for me on my birthday what I want to be doing.

RubyTuesday10 · 17/12/2024 09:34

Some people are just a bit rubbish with birthdays. I spent many birthdays feeling upset because my (fairly minimal) expectations were not met. So now I send DH links to presents two weeks before, choose myself a cake and tell him what I’d like to do. He finds that so much easier. It’s probably not romantic but at least I’m taking charge of the situation and giving myself a birthday I can enjoy!!

FamilyPhoto · 17/12/2024 09:34

First post nailed it.

PrincessAnne4Eva · 17/12/2024 09:31

I think YABU about the card and the cake, but YANBU about the shit gift.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 17/12/2024 09:29

Take yourself /a friend out to lunch.

Possibly cancel the hotel if you can get a refund. And spend the money on yourself.