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Original poster

DH gaslighting me . How to deal with it!

37 replies

MarciaMarcia · 16/12/2024 21:28

I found a profile of DH on a dating website . I confronted him . He said he knew nothing about it..Now he is saying he may have done when intoxicated as he has an alcohol problem. When I confront him, he gets so angry, saying I'm abusing him but just having a go aat him. Just now I co fronted him.aboyt it and he starts yelling at me then says he can't take it any more he's ABIT to hand z panic attack. He had mental health issues but I just can't take thos behaviours sand gaslighting. My stress is through the roof. He says I kick him down emotionally every day - that's cause he dies shit things every day. He is late, misses things, is on his phone, turns up drunk. I just am at a loss .
Please don't say leave. It's more complex than that.
I want him to seek help but he only dies on.and off

OP posts:
DoYouReally · 16/12/2024 22:04

These is how you have described him:

An alcoholic
A liar
Abusive
Manipulative
Selfish
Unreliable

You cannot love an alcoholic enough to make them put you before drink. It's impossible. You will end up wearing yourself out.

You need to leave him. I suspect you won't so at a minimum you need to contact Al-Alon and also have some counselling to establish boundaries and understand enablement.

Dontletmedown · 16/12/2024 21:36

So he has a profile on a dating site and when you , quite reasonably, challenge him about it, he uses every method he can to shut you down. He turns it round 180 ° to it being you that's at fault. Not him. Even if he was drunk when he did it the intention was there to cheat on you. And on top of this he has a drinking problem.
I don't know why you want to stay with this man.

CreationNat1on · 16/12/2024 21:36

AA for friends and families of alcoholics.

CreationNat1on · 16/12/2024 21:36

Seek help yourself. Go to your doctor, tell them what is going on. If he has addiction issues you can tell his doctor what is happening, then next time he goes to the GP, the GP can probe a little.

Guest100 · 16/12/2024 21:35

You can’t force him to get help. This is something he has to do for himself. If he does decide to get help you can offer support then.

It sounds like you are clinging onto something that really needs to be let go of.

If you want to leave, leave. Don’t stay because he is self destructing.

If you stay you need to accept you can’t control the situation, there is no point arguing with an alcoholic. Learn the grey rock method, and let him do his thing.

Icedlatteplease · 16/12/2024 21:33

That's not gas lighting that's just being a lying arse.

Honestly you either accept he lies to you or you leave. You cannot make him stop lying

MuggleMe · 16/12/2024 21:31

You say don't say ltb. Are you working towards leaving him?

applestewing · 16/12/2024 21:31

Leave, why on earth would you stay with someone like this

i I can’t imagine what complex drip feed you’ll give that would make anyone say, oh yes best stay with this tw@t OP

stargazerlil · 16/12/2024 21:31

He sounds like a narcissist, because he’s using DARVO. DEFEND ATTACK REVERSE VICTIM OFFENDER. When hes attacking you that sounds like Narcissistic rage. I don’t know what you’re gonna do. Narcissists rarely change they just get worse.

Mum2jenny · 16/12/2024 21:31

You can only control your reactions to him, you cannot control his reactions to you and the surrounding area.
It’s obviously your choice to leave him or not. But you cannot control him.

Ohnonotmeagain · 16/12/2024 21:31

How is he gaslighting you? You don’t mention it.

it sounds like he has an alcohol problem.

cosima4 · 16/12/2024 21:30

Why can you not leave him? This sounds horrendous. I'm sorry.