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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How do you get the energy to get through the day?

57 replies

Ankleblisters · 16/12/2024 21:17

I'm exhausted and don't understand how everyone else gets through their day. Looking around I feel like a lot of other people are doing SO much more than I am and many seem to still have the energy to do things they actually want to do as well as things they HAVE to do. I feel like I've dragged myself through the last few years just about managing the MUSTS and never finding energy for anything else. I don't remember the last time I did anything for enjoyment.

I try to do all the right healthy things: I muster the energy to get up early (6ish) and exercise for about an hour at least five days a week. I lift weights. I try to make time to get out of the house for fresh air and walk or cycle to do errands every day. But everything feels forced and like a massive chore I would rather not do. I really have to force myself to exercise and as soon as I finish I just want to go back to bed. I think I eat a pretty healthy diet. I rarely drink alcohol and I gave up caffeine a couple of years ago. I use a meditation app to help me sleep and I reckon I usually get roughly 6 or 7 hours a night. Blood tests and a 24 hour ECG haven't shown up anything (I don't think, I assume they would've called if there was an issue)

I feel like it's been so so so long since I actually felt relaxed or had any energy or motivation (other than duty) to do anything. I'm just dragging myself around doing everything I'm meant to do.

So, how does everyone else manage? What are your energy tips? What can I do differently.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 16/12/2024 22:27

I don't think 6 to 7 hours is enough sleep to be honest. Can you have one or two nights when you sleep longer? This will benefit you at least as much as the exercise does. I also think you could be suffering from depression - clinical depression isn't 'feeling sad' and can in fact manifest as not feeling very much at all. But feeling exhausted is a very common symptom. Please make an appointment to see your GP and explain how much you've got on your plate right now. Could you possibly arrange for some carers to come in and do the morning and evening routine with your parent? That would free you up to get your work done earlier and have a few early nights.

oatmy · 16/12/2024 22:22

I am not surprised you are feeling so low after 4 years caring for your mum, that is really tough. You should def do whatever it takes to look after yourself and start feeling more resourced.

As others have said, there is no way I could do that amount of exercise and sleep that little. In your shoes I would try spending the extra hour in bed for a couple of weeks and see how you feel. For those asking how people get a lot of sleep: I am a single parent with a full time job and am studying on top. I just go to bed really early! (It is unusual for me to be up this late.) I usually get 8 hours and feel crap if I don't.

mumandmumber · 16/12/2024 22:15

Just seen your further post about being a full time carer to your parent. No wonder you’re exhausted. It’s unbelievably stressful physically and mentally. I know from personal experience. When was the last time you had a break/respite period?
Well done to you. It’s SO tough and you sound like you’re doing a great job. But you can’t pour from an empty cup and maybe you’re body is trying to tell you that.

Petrasings · 16/12/2024 22:14

You need to get some help with the parent with dementia or to consider a home op. This is the most draining situation. I doing want my children to exhaust themselves and their lives disappearing looking after me, thus would devastate me tbh, so please stop. Put yourself first and start handing over. I speak from experience, it’s a VERY long road that only gets worse.

CautiousLurker01 · 16/12/2024 22:13

Sounds as though you actually have depression? Main symptoms are lethargy, lack of joy, lack of enjoying anything that you once used to?

JJ456 · 16/12/2024 22:10

If I did that much exercise I would be wiped. After school run I sit on the sofa, eat a pastry and drink a cup of coffee in front of the TV. It energises me for the day! I tried the exercising in the morning thing and it did not energise me one bit - just felt crap all day.

fivebyfivebuffy · 16/12/2024 22:07

Ultio · 16/12/2024 22:04

Who are these people getting 9 hours sleep?! I assume no kids or kids are out of the nest. Or have kids and don’t work? Or a full time, live in au pair doing all the cleaning, cooking, planning, etc. 9 hours sleep would take away the only waking time I have without kids or work, or something else that needs doing, let alone a moment to doomscroll.

Genuinely would like to know!

Good luck OP. Exercise can be invigorating after you do it and give you energy, but bear in mind if you’re doing it that early your muscles (and body) will be out for the count pretty early in the day as well. Well done for doing it with such regularity though!

No DC and no choice, my body says sleep and I crash
Whether that's an afternoon nap or 11hrs of sleep

Ultio · 16/12/2024 22:04

Who are these people getting 9 hours sleep?! I assume no kids or kids are out of the nest. Or have kids and don’t work? Or a full time, live in au pair doing all the cleaning, cooking, planning, etc. 9 hours sleep would take away the only waking time I have without kids or work, or something else that needs doing, let alone a moment to doomscroll.

Genuinely would like to know!

Good luck OP. Exercise can be invigorating after you do it and give you energy, but bear in mind if you’re doing it that early your muscles (and body) will be out for the count pretty early in the day as well. Well done for doing it with such regularity though!

mumandmumber · 16/12/2024 22:04

How old are you? Could be hormonal? Low testosterone would affect energy and drive. That said, from the way yoy write and describe thing, it sounds like could be something more mental than physical?

gamerchick · 16/12/2024 22:02

HRT. No longer feel like I need a nanna nap in the afternoon.

Himawarigirl · 16/12/2024 22:00

Not an expert at all but I would be exhausted getting up at 6 and exercising for an hour 5 days a week.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 16/12/2024 21:58

Try cutting out the exercise for two of those days and sleep in instead.

Eenameenadeeka · 16/12/2024 21:55

It's coffee for me. I know you said you gave up caffeine.. also if you're walking or cycling every day Id cut back on the early morning exercise and get a few days where you sleep longer instead

Ankleblisters · 16/12/2024 21:54

I dont know how to do replies from my phone and Ive left my laptop downstairs but some of you have made me laugh, thank you!

OP posts:
Ankleblisters · 16/12/2024 21:53

Thanks for so many really helpful and thought provoking replies. A lot of food for thought here.
Its going to seem like a drip feed but I didnt want my post to be long. I've been looking after a parent with dementia for the last 6 years and she's still quite young and strong so its a lot. The exercise is trying to build my strength to be physically able for everything she needs from me as her mobility is poor (spatial awareness issues) so she needs a lot of help with moving and handling. Exercise is also the only thing that makes me feel good so its also that.
Its hard to change the routine to do anything differently or sleep more, if I don't get up when I do I don't have time to do anything before getting her up and if I go to bed earlier I don't have time to do anything after she's gone down. The hours when she's asleep are the only time I have for admin and prepping my work for the next day. I work 3 or 4 hours a day from home.
Tbh im not sure my mental health is that great right now. I feel like iv been at the end of my tether for 4 straight years but I don't want to let her down.

OP posts:
Bogginsthe3rd · 16/12/2024 21:52

Cocaine and caviar my dear !

iamnotalemon · 16/12/2024 21:48

fivebyfivebuffy · 16/12/2024 21:23

I have a couple of conditions that cause fatigue so for me it's managing it

More sleep - you might need 8-9hrs, try it for a few weeks
I have a weekend day where I do nothing. Ok I might go food shopping or something but no chores, errands, exercise, cleaning etc
I have a bath, a nap, watch a film, chat to the neighbours, sit in the garden if it's sunny

On a Sunday I do (wanky IG term) a "reset" so the cleaning, some batch cooking, change the bedding etc so everything is ready for the week and I have easy meals to get out the freezer

Bloods can be "ok" but not actually ok - it's worth finding out your thyroid results and your ferritin as they're the 2 that are often low and vitamin d as well, get a print out or look on the app

But honestly I just about manage to work FT 40hrs and the rest is doing shit adult stuff like cleaning and cooking

I could have written this myself. It sucks!

bakewellbride · 16/12/2024 21:46

I drink coffee, sorry op 😁

tinymoon · 16/12/2024 21:43

I was exercising a lot at one point and gave up caffeine. Looking back I don’t know how it took me so long to realise that it was making me feel absolutely wiped out and exhausted. I think you should exercise less, sleep more and I would allow yourself a cup of tea or coffee a day, although I realise you’ve given it up for ages so may not want to!

Ace56 · 16/12/2024 21:42

You’re not getting enough sleep. You don’t need to do an hour of exercise and weights PLUS go for a walk/cycle every day. Why not wake up a bit later a few days a week? What do you do to recharge/relax?

stargazerlil · 16/12/2024 21:42

your body needs rest days in between exercise days to rebuild muscle, no rest day your just in break down all the time. That’s probably why your tired.
Enough amino acids every day from high quality meat - offal, gelatine or collagen if you prefer.
vitamin b - I take three doses of vitamin b complex every day. It’s like crack it gives you so much energy.
electrolyte powder
timed caffeine to get you through the day

Zoeg31 · 16/12/2024 21:39

Sorry you are feeling like this I know how it feels. I would go back to GP and say you are still having issues, I was put on iron tablets last month and that made a massive difference for me. Keep going with the regular exercise, make sure you are getting a well balance protein rich diet and enough carbs. Maybe trying to go to bed a bit earlier and evening wind down.

Greeneyegirl · 16/12/2024 21:35

Get more sleep. 8-9 hours is what I get.
Do you enjoy exercise? Because you're doing it an awful lot (as well as walking and getting fresh air every day you say?!) You need something to actually fill your cup, for me it's sitting in peace and quiet and reading. Id rather do that with a coffee and I'll feel more rested and ready to face the day. By all means exercise but weights 3x a week and then a lunchtime stroll with an audio book or pod cast the other days would be enough. Use your other time to do something to recharge your mind, whether that's crochet or reading or binge watching something or even just scrolling tbh

ICG1988 · 16/12/2024 21:33

ru53 · 16/12/2024 21:26

You’re not getting enough sleep.

Also this!

ICG1988 · 16/12/2024 21:29

A change of mindset could help. You're obviously looking after yourself by eating well and working out etc but seeing all these things as a chore rather than getting enjoyment out of them. Try different types of exercise that is fun such as dancing or snowboarding or rock climbing, not the normal mundane stuff. Go for walks in interesting places etc, things will seem less of a drag if you get more enjoyment from them.
How is your mental health? Something underlying like depression could be also making you feel this way x