To rip MIL a new one?

Yes, being the victim of childhood neglect and abuse pales into insignificance in comparison with using the phrase in the thread title. Glad that you've got your priorities right.

You've just replaced one abuser with another, your mil.

I'd cut contact with them both and ask your dh to not give your mil any details on your life, such as promotions etc. I'd certainly not be seeing either your dm or your mil over Christmas.

No you can’t, but a decent person wouldn’t want to forge a relationship with a child abusing stranger against their child’s wishes.

Do not sully the name of Margot by likening her to that poster!!! Margot ripped the company who failed to deliver Christmas a new one if you remember!

Do not throw words like coercive control around when it’s clearly not the case. You are belittling women who are actually victims of this.

BTW, there is only one victim in this scenario and that is OP. She is the victim of child abuse.

Yes, sometimes further communication isn't worth the effort. Low contact, grey rock, and enjoy your upcoming wedding with your fiancee.

A decent MIL wouldnt want to be anywhere near her DILs abusive mother. She would want to stand by her DIL and support her.

@Jostuki Controlling, for trying to protect herself from the shit of a mother she has? You're clearly just one of those people who wants to have a pop, regardless of the fact that when you read the actual post her mother or MIL don't deserve to be anywhere near her.

I'm glad your shitty reply was deleted!

I don't have advice as such because it seems like an impossible situation, just sympathy. MIL is behaving shockingly poorly.

Thats nuts. Have you asked MIL why she is ignoring your requests to not contact her? What is she getting out of it? Is she trying to make your mum jealous that she knows more about your life than her or something?

Stop telling her anything about your lives, don't share any pictures. Make it clear that she has repeatedly proven she can't be trusted with details of your life so she will no longer receive them. Do not tell her anything you are not comfortable with your mother knowing.
Do not go and visit her

Giving the benefit of the doubt, she might not comprehend the level of trauma you experienced in your childhood, especially as you still have contact with your mother. I get it I'm not criticising, but people who don't understand the complexities of abusive parent child relationships won't. She probably is envisaging some kind of Disney happily ever after where you get married with both of you mothers there and everyone says how marvellous it is that you're all so happy now.
If you're comfortable, your DP needs to tell her the full extent of the abuse and trauma and that the only reason you have contact is because she lives with your ailing grandparents and she needs to stop because your mother is sending horrific messages based on the information she is providing. Show her some screen shots if it really needs hammering home.
If after that she persists. You will have to go NC. Your partner can see her but disclose no information about you.

That's the most horrible expression in the heading. Especially one woman using it about another.

I would speak to MIL directly and tell her that as she has failed to listen to you and DP on this, you will no longer see her and that you will not be talking to her about anything going on in your lives as she can't be trusted with that information. Block her from your social media and keep your personal information to yourself.

@Someadvice maybe your partner can explain to his mother once and for all that she will no longer be updated or informed of anything to do with you, as she can’t be trusted not to reach out to someone that has abused you and gave you an awful upbringing.

And that constantly crossing the boundaries you have set does not bode well for the future of children etc may be on the horizon.

Id be pulling right back from MIL to protect yourself. You aren’t punishing her. You are t stopping DP from seeing her - but you need to protect yourself until she can respect and understand that this boundary is non-negotiable.

If MIL continues then it’s not simple naivety. She purposely dismissing your feelings and wishes, knowing it hurts you and her son.

Stop all contact with MIL and come off FB and all other social media altogether. That way she won't get to know what you're doing and will struggle to share anything with your own mother.

There’s one disgusting poster here and it’s not OP. I hope she rips the mil a new one! It’s my new favourite saying!!!

Are you the OP's MIL or the mother?

The OP has a very valid reason for her (repeated) request. The MIL is the one at fault in this situation.

@WhereYouLeftIt excellent post, I think you have summed it up perfectly. @Someadvice look at this posters post it's perfect.

I definitely would not 'rip her a new one'.

Your MIL has repeatedly demonstrated she has zero respect for your boundaries, she'd had ample opportunity to modify her behaviour and she's chosen not to.

It's a horrible situation for you to be in @Someadvice In your shoes, I would go NC.

I feel for you. My mother is toxic and has now started commenting on my friends FB posts as I won't respond to her directly. She told everyone about my divorce when I had told noone and then she moans I haven't seen her for 5 years. I'm so sorry you are suffering here.