For some context I’m late 20’s, engaged to be married next year to DP. MIL is a difficult woman. She is interfering and struggled to cut the cord with DP.
We now have strong boundaries with her as if we didn’t she would attempt to interfere in every inch of our lives. I don’t dislike her but do struggle (as does my DP) with her in more than short doses.
My relationship with my own Mother is strained at best. She is a narcissist and I grew up in a volatile household. I was placed on the child protection register as a teenager due to neglect and I almost ended up in care. I am low contact with her and would prefer it if it was no contact but familial relationships make this impossible as she controls them all. She can be fine for a while and then she will do something that causes me extreme upset so it is better if I just do not communicate with her unless necessary.
MIL has taken it upon herself to try and forge a relationship with my Mother despite having never met her and despite being told not to. She found her on Facebook and will constantly message her with details of our lives. Telling her what we’re up to and that we’re going to see her and do things with her. This has been led to abusive messages from my own Mum asking why we never go and see her.
My DP has told his Mum time and time again to leave my Mother alone. I’ve heard him on the phone, I’ve seen messages, he’s even gone to her house and sat her down for a chat. Told her I don’t really get along with my own Mum and it’s difficult and she shouldn’t get involved. She listens for a bit and then it starts again. The straw has broke the camels back today and I’ve found out MIL has invited my Mum over for a Christmas trip out and my Mum has accepted. I am fuming. I have done so well and been through years of therapy to help work through my childhood and keep my Mother at arms length and MIL is ruining all of my progress.
She clearly is not listening to DP. We are due to visit her for our annual Xmas visit in a few days and I want to rip her head off. I genuinely do not want to fall out with her but I’m not sure how else to get through to her here?