What are your parenting hot takes?

Sorry, was in reference to post you replied to. Oops

She does. Praise is a reward.

Use a dummy

I could explain, but I am going to be lazy and cut and paste someone else's explanations-

My kids were given so much love and so many special things and opportunities, but I don't think extrinsic motivations are really all that good for people-

The problem with rewards and punishments (two sides of the same coin):

Danger to motivation for learning: Rewards and punishments are extrinsically rather than intrinsically motivated, meaning the child is behaving in a way so as to get a reward or to avoid punishment rather than for the sake of learning.

Danger to self-confidence: By using a controlling method to manage behaviour, you take away children's autonomy. Autonomy is a fundamental need which gives people the confidence to make decisions about their own lives. When taken away, it can have a negative impact on mental health.

Danger to self-esteem: Rewards and punishments are based on an adult's judgment of how good or bad a child's behaviour was. This can lead to the child thinking that another's opinion of them counts more than their own.

Danger to creativity & resilience: Rewards and punishments can make children fear making mistakes, so they are less likely to try something new.

Danger to self-regulation: When rewards and punishments are given out, Children are not taught to monitor and regulate their own behaviour, but rather come to believe this is the responsibility of an adult or other authority figure.

Danger to social & emotional intelligence: Rewards and punishments focus a child's mind on what will happen to THEM if they exhibit inconsiderate behaviour. If the reward or punishment is removed, how will that child choose to behave then? Surely, we should be teaching children that considerate behaviour requires thinking about OTHERS.

Danger to development of problem-solving skills: Our education goals are to teach children to problem-solve and think critically, but rewards and punishments teach them the opposite when it comes to behaviour – that they must obey, do as their told and not question it.

Danger to vulnerability: Rewards and punishments teach children to comply with directions given by an adult or figure of authority. This can make children more susceptible to abuse as they'll be less likely to protest or object to it when it comes from a person of authority.

And? What’s that got to do with what I posted?

Seen babies in highchairs with phones propped up in front of them whilst parents ignore them and have a meal

I think your first point was the only thing that’s true here. The rest doesn’t seem to fit?

‘Do things that are only useful if they suit you’.

I thinks that sums it up. There are a lot of things you say here that would not suit my children.

I grew up with a mother who regularly told me she was my mum not my friend, and that she would always love me but sometimes didn't like me, and that shattered my self esteem.
So I guess my hot take is actually do be your kids' friend.
I've brought my own daughter up to know that I LIKE her, I enjoy her company, and yes, we are friends as well as mother and daughter.

Children just doing what they want ... addicted to screens, in nappies at school age, not sleeping in their own bed, eating what they want

Children don’t really change your life, depends if you’re doing your life right before!!

No phone until 14?! Are yours not allowed out of the house?

Kids need boredom, it's good for them. Don't entertain them too much. If they say they're bored, let them find something to do.

Lots of parents work long hours and justify that by making weekends a neverending circus of expensive classes and outings when some good solid boredom watching dust motes settle at home would do kids more good.

Also, take the time to correct their speech

No matter how many times you have to do it

Not all kids are autistic/ADHD/ASD

A lot of it is actual parenting

Setting boundaries, saying no, and yes, getting off the sofa and taking little Quentin to the park to burn off his energy once in a while

This isn't a take because it's not something that I think applies to other parents, but I'm surprised so few people do it... Instead of feeding to sleep, do a routine of wake up, feed, interact, sleep with a baby, right from newborn. You and your baby get to spend awake time together when they're alert, fed and happy, and they learn to fall asleep without an aid from the start.

No matter how much you love your dc and how incredibly precious they are, every parent (bar the fucked up few) feels the same about their dc. Yours do not deserve special privileges because you think they are the best and most deserving person ever. They are special to you, society will not always agree.

Children shouldn't have any screen time before the age of 2, and no handheld device screen time until the age of 5. They shouldn't own their own device (phone, tablet, iPad) until they're 14.

Children aren’t and shouldn’t be their parent’s “life”.

So it's technically possible, they just don't want to do it 😂
Ours doesn't offer, but when asked they have no issue with doing it. My DH does 3 out of 5 drop offs so needed access to get those lovely last minute messages schools love to send

Parenting doesn't make life better - it makes it harder - and you should only do it if you're 101% sure

Different kids need different parenting. Wish I'd learned that too much earlier!

I disagree with about half of these. Why would you never reward your child? So sad

Praise effort, not attainment.
Wish I had learned that with my first child, rather than my third!

Routines are only useful if they suit you. For me, they would have been hellish, and my kids were fine with extreme flexibility.

Sleeping with our kids was the best thing I did.

Don't give them phones or screens of any kind until they are much older than I dare to write on here.

Don't punish or reward.

Praise should always be specific and sincere.

Allow kids to save face.

Don't allow their schooling to interfere with their education.

Don't lie to them.

Don't talk down.

They need a calm and peaceful home environment to retreat to from the busy outside world. A home that is not hectic or ridgid but predictable and certain.