What are your parenting hot takes?

How about a system where the children still start school aged 4, but the emphasis would be on learning through play for the first 2-3 years, instead of for just one year? It feels counterintuitive that this approach would improve academic outcomes, but apparently it does.

Take no notice of these opinions.
Just do it the way you feel best…

Can you imagine the threads on here if people were having to pay 3 or 4 sets of nursery fees at a time before the eldest started school at 7?

I think that will never happen.

Mine is never involve yourself in children's arguments. Sally might hit Suzie, but tomorrow Suzie will slap Sally and your going to look a fool for having demanded an apology from Sally's Mum. (This is early years and primary school)

If they are still acting like that in senior school you'd need to be taking Suzie in hand and helping her work out some issues.

A few comments have already said it - parents need to work. Better childcare would help.

100% this - children are humans and deserve the same respect and dignity that we would treat everyone else.

Having recently had to dually care for an elderly relative and and a 4 year old with quite similar level of needs, we would be up in arms if society treated the extreme elderly or adults with severe extra needs the same way we treat young children.

I'd go even further than this. No handheld device until 8 or 9 (if that, why is it good for them?), brick phone for secondary if totally necessary (long/unreliable commute), smartphone at 14 at the very youngest.

There's so much research that screen time is bad for us as adults, and absolutely terrible for children. Talk to any teacher and see how concentration has completely and utterly evaporated as a reliable presence, for every single lesson and every teacher. Emotional regulation, confidence and resilience, communication skills, self-entertainment and creativity, all of them have decreased massively and measurably since tablets and smartphones became the norm for developing young plastic brains. The more we drill into them that they are in TERRIBLE DANGER by talking to people and going to places IRL, and we need to watch over them and GPS-tag them at every possible moment, the more they'll be afraid and feel they need someone to watch them, supervise them, and tell them what to do. How can they develop independence and confidence when every action from their parents gives the opposite lesson?

Ours don't have smartphones and have busy, active, outdoor social lives and hobbies, organised face to face (younger ones) or over email on the house computer (the older ones, where time is limited and they don't just doomscroll or lose hours to SM sites).

In twenty years time, I'd be amazed if we're not scandalised at how common it was for adults to give children these devices. The greatest thing you can do as a parent now is to be the responsible adult and say no.

Explain how to do things to your dc in detail. Don’t assume they know. Then give them the autonomy to get on with it.

^

This can include actions, because it isn't always obvious to kids

I.e. If you hit people, they won't be friends with you. Super basic, but true

O my god, they are absolutely disgusting. So so wrong.

Sounds basic but children are humans. Too many people treat children like they are nobodies.

Children are the young version of their adult selves.

I parent from the lense of thinking about who or what I needed at that age. Sometimes it’s a stern telling off and a life lesson, other times it’s a hug and empathy.

Parents are human too. Too many people assume you don’t have a life because you are a parent.

Your children are always watching - and taking note…

Like this. They're all fabric and they're made for babies.

@namechangeGOT

I can never understand why this just doesn't come naturally to people! Who isn't reading to their kids? It's one of the most important things you can do for them and with them.

I read to mine but it absolutely did not come naturally.

I can never understand why this just doesn't come naturally to people! Who isn't reading to their kids? It's one of the most important things you can do for them and with them.

Read to them a lot

I'd agree with PP about not all bad behaviour having a deep-seated cause or even much of a reason some of the time- I can definitely remember doing something I knew I shouldn't as a child just to find out what would happen. Whilst I don't entirely disagree with the 'all behaviour is communication' saying and some of the principles of gentle parenting, at least some kids misbehave for reasons that don't require much analysis.

Gentle parenting can be amazing for some children. It is an absolute hiding to nothing with others. From my observations, gentle parenting is wonderful with children who are naturally inclined to behave themselves or emotionally sensitive. But if you've got a child who is naturally on the 'naughty' end of the spectrum (like my DS), a swift consequence (like a brief time-out) and then moving on is the best way to deal with it unless you really think there is something much deeper going on. If they're misbehaving frequently, naming feelings and talking through situations results in a completely disproportionate amount of time devoted to managing their behaviour, and I doubt that feels good for the child. I devotedly gentle parented for the first few years, and I genuinely think that hearing me validate 'you're feeling angry' etc made him very, very angry 😆. Different child as soon as I realised it just wasn't working and started with a 1-2-3 Magic-type approach- he's a million times happier.

But my friend's kids, who are very different children, respond beautifully to gentle parenting and would be very unhappy with my way of doing things.

That was an essay. My point is- different kids need different parenting, and not all behaviour has meaning, or at least not a meaning that justifies discussion. So as long as your strategies aren't abusive, adapt your approach to suit the child you have instead of sticking doggedly to the way you think you're 'supposed' to parent. I wish I had!

I'd go further and lay many of those parents need to look at how they're managing behaviour before they go looking for other causes!

Sometimes kids are just naughty. There's not always some deep-seated feeling behind it.

Sometimes I look at children whose parents insist they're autistic, and wonder when having a personality a little outside the norm was considered a neurological oddity. I keep that inside my head, of course.

I don’t understand why we haven’t learned from Scandinavia and extended the EYFS until the age of seven or eight. Our children would be happier and more active, and in the long-term their academic results would be better. What’s not to like?

It doesn't get easier as it gets older, you just have different problems.

It is important to tell girls they are beautiful as well as praise their effort, resilience, strength etc. Otherwise they will be looking for that kind of reassurance in all the wrong places as teens and adults.

Teach them grit and resilience. Teach them to try their hardest at everything, aim high. Tell them some failure is inevitable but don't wallow, find out what went wrong and do better next time.

I wish I felt I was doing this well. My son is a bit lazy and so far I haven't found any way to make him really try hard, to the point where he sees the rewards of effort.

😳 actually kids are completely wiped out after their first term of school. We start them ridiculously young compared to most developed (and thriving) European countries. Daycare is not the same, even when it’s longer hours.

Pick your battles. Don't aim for perfection or compare yourself or your kids to others. Phases don't last forever and it's okay not to want to spend all your time with your kids- to want to work/have a career and a social life.

Yeah of course! What do you think we all did 10+ years ago before smartphones, stay indoors all day ..?

The kinder twist on this is

I love you, I don’t like your behaviour just now.

Because the child can generally do something about the way they are behaving, it’s something they can have some control over.

Teach them grit and resilience. Teach them to try their hardest at everything, aim high. Tell them some failure is inevitable but don't wallow, find out what went wrong and do better next time.

As a parent, don't make threats you don't carry through. If you've told them you'll ground them/ take away x/ not give pocket money if they carry on with behaviour you've told them not to, mean it and do it if the circumstances arise.

With teens, driving them in the car with them in the passenger seat can be a good environment for difficult talks, they often open up because neither of you needs to make eye contact.