Was I unreasonable to let my friend walk to the train station alone on a night out?

No

Lots of people don't leave the area they were born in. Lots of people move to stay within distance of their parents. It's useful for childcare and for caring for their parents when they get older too.

90% of my family live within 10 minutes of each other.

It was 1am
Normally I finish at 10/11pm and walk and wait without issue
But the extra lateness was her concern. She's not overly anxious. Much less so than half the posters here who think 8:30pm is too late to be alone...

She also wasn't "on call". She offered.

you offered - it was before 9pm if she was catching the train at 9 - not 3am

MN has the attitude a lot of the time that once they turn 18 you just stop parenting and leave them to go their own way with no offers of help allowed

If it was 3am you would have been a bit unreasonable. 9pm - pfffft no worries.

A lot of people don’t finish work until 9pm!!

@buffyajp I didn’t mean to be patronising, insulting or infantilising, as you wrote. I was just giving my opinion.

It’s a context and experience specific question and many women will have a different answer. Plenty of us used to be just like you, until an assault changed our outlook. Even then, my approach and feelings vary. I try to walk alone in the dark as much as possible. I used to do Reclaim the Night. But I was thinking of certain cities, heading to particular train stations, with hazards eg high rate of mobile phone theft from people holding them in their hands while they walk along, and especially that the post is about a young 22 year old with less street experience who has had a few drinks. So as I said, I gave a personal answer.

I should have been clear - there is no right or wrong in this case.

I legitimately wouldn't bat an eyelid at this. Whenever me and my friends go into our city centre we all live in different places, so one goes to the train station, the other goes to the bus station, another goes to find a taxi, another goes to where they can get picked up by a partner...all completely different directions. It would be completely impossible for none of us to walk alone. And then when I get off the bus I walk home again alone, usually a lot later than 9pm as well.

Given the train left at 9pm she was actually walking there at, what, 8:30-850ish? In most cities the shops don't even close until 8pm, particularly this time of year! By the time they've finished cleaning and locking up, all the staff, will be going home at that time every day. I used to walk home from my uni job aged 18 at that sort of time without even considering any other options. It sounds like you were in a busy area, with restaurants etc., hardly down a creepy alley. If anything, she was probably at 'more' risk (but still completely manageable) on the train where it's harder to escape if you're in the carriage with some creep, than just walking down a busy street at 8:45pm.

As you say, different if she was drunk but in the circumstances you describe, no I wouldn't even think of offering to walk a friend/expect them to walk me.

I wouldn't have offered either way. It's a city centre, lots of people are around unless the station is on a particularly dodgy street. If my friends insisted on leaving their night to walk me to the station I'd be really annoyed to be honest.

How strange. Have you never lived in a different place from your mum? What did you do then?

A grown woman walking through a city centre at 9pm to catch a train is not being abandoned.

It’s normal life for lots of people.

Half past eight in NI (which has much lower crime levels than most of the UK)? Absolutely fine.

And all those people saying they wouldn't walk alone after dark wouldn't last a week up here - it's dark now, and most people haven't even left work yet.

I’d actually much rather talk at 9pm through a well-lit town than get a taxi on my own. However, a lot depends on the town and where it is and the route to the station though as some are situated in much safer locations than others.

I’ve often got a train back later than 9 alone to a fairly isolated station. I generally feel much happier in a busy city centre where there are people around.

But why? Unless you live in the Bronx I'm not sure why a 30yo couldn't be trusted to walk through a city centre after work?

Is your dm anxious in other ways?

I have 4 dc - two at Uni in big cities and one who's left home and works/lives in the city. If I offered myself as a taxi service every time they had to "walk through town" I'd never be out of the car. Weird that you'd consider not being an on-call taxi service as abandoning your children!! Don't be ridiculous.

Not picking up your 30yo children from a night out doesn't mean you have abandoned them.

My parents let me move to France when I was 19 for university, they must be abominable abandoners.

You offered. She turned you down. You have clearly done nothing wrong.

And unless it is a dangerous area, I wouldn't even have offered!

I'm 30
My mom still came to pick me up from a late night at work, which I could have got home from, because she didn't want me to walk through town late
Some parents aren't MNers who abandon their children the moment they turn 18

This. Yes, attacks by strangers can happen, but it's rare and I'd far rather take the tiny risk than limit my life by refusing to walk alone.

I think it's a damaging message to send to women and girls that they can't walk through a busy town centre or residential area at 9pm. The biggest risk to women by far is men they know and often live with. I think curbing women's independence by fostering the idea that they can't go outside alone after dark is far more damaging than the very small risk of walking somewhere busy by themselves.

That doesn't mean that we shouldn't risk assess and take precautions. I used to finish work at 9pm on late night shopping day in the city centre. We all happily went our separate ways to walk home or catch the bus and anyone who thought that was unsafe would have been considered a bit odd. I did take the longer route home those evenings though rather than the short cut through the park. It would have been stupid to wander through a large mostly empty park by myself where a woman had previously been raped.

No, you did nothing wrong. She wanted to go on her own. She is presumably an adult. You don't have to right to force her to have company if she doesn't feel the need for it.

I walk around on my own a lot, including at night. I'm not frightened of doing so and I would be very irritated if someone tried to stop me.

Yes, if it's the nearest city centre why did she get lost? Is she unfamiliar with it?

Her saying she got lost is manipulative.

What a load of patronising nonsense. I’m a grown woman who is quite capable of walking myself home or to a station and , personally I would find this insulting and infantilising. Fair enough a follow up text to see I was ok but otherwise I would expect my decision for myself to be respected. I refuse to live my life in terror and restriction because of some men.