Was I unreasonable to let my friend walk to the train station alone on a night out?

IF your offers on the night were genuine and not said half arsed, YANBU. You offered, she declined.

I can understand why her DM is concerned, but it’s awful women have to think like this. I hope the shift will turn more to controlling men’s behaviour and zero tolerance and high penalties for crimes such as flashing.

I came across a case where a man was arrested for upskirting and the next day killed a lone woman walking her dog. We have the French rape case which echoes this. Wayne Couzens and other murders which start with flashing women.

Her strategy to be on her phone may make her feel better, but is a false sense of security and makes her less observant of her surroundings.

There are apps she can use for walking directions. Aldi, if it is a 20 minute walk in the city, why not call an uber?

Fair enough! @Anonymous2003

Is this a double bluff? Are you the actual friend who they let walk alone and now you’re peeved about it?

It is going to depend on where they are walking alone. Some localised areas of the country do have a much higher risk of assault and it may be sensible in these areas to avoid walking alone where possible. To me it is disgusting that our freedom to go about our business should be suppressed by fear like this in a supposedly civilised country, but reality is what it is and some things I have to accept I cannot change.

In a lot of cases, I feel the media has a lot to answer for through inflating the perceived risk of an assault by their frequent highlighting such incidents often followed by someone's opinion piece on how dangerous the UK is these days (it's not). Emotion far too often overrides logic, and unless you have a sound logical reason to believe you are at considerably higher risk of assault than the norm, you shouldn't worry about going for a night out and getting yourself there and back unaccompanied.

When it comes to sexual assaults on women, it is far more likely a woman will be assaulted by someone she knows than by a random stranger on the streets.

Why did she phone her Mum?!??

To be fair to Salome61, depending on how old she is now, this could have been the time when Levi Bellfield was active in the Twickenham area…

I agree. I actually really like walking alone sometimes - I think it can be great after a busy loud night out to walk by myself and have some peace and quiet. I’d get annoyed if someone tried to force me to get a taxi, or insisted on walking with me.

I’m mid forties any have been doing this for three decades. And plan to carry on the for next few decades!

You didn't.

It’s really infantilising to not listen to someone saying they don’t want a lift/taxi/to be walked somewhere when they are a grown adult and more than capable of making their own decisions around risks etc. So no, don’t feel bad about it - you asked/offered and she said no. If I were your friend I’d be happy you asked but fine that you didn’t push it. If you had insisted I’d have not gone out with you again as I would have felt you were saying I couldn’t decide for myself, or that you didn’t respect my judgment and decisions making.

don’t second guess yourself.

It was 9pm. I've walked through London loads of times at this time of night, either coming off work late or going for a couple after work. Women shouldn't have to walk in pairs all the time!

There have been a lot of similar posts recently.

Honestly, a 20/21 year old female should be able to do a decent risk assessment. Checking route. Planning in advance. Cimg with a friend, arrange a lift, Timings, public transport options. Taxi options. Local Car parks and driving options. There's no excuse for getting lost as they have Google maps. They should be aware if it's a dodgy area or relatively safe. They should take the time of day into account. And be responsible for themselves without guilt tripping others.

If at that age you don't teach yourself resilience and independence then you will really struggle and fall when something challenging comes along in life.

To be fair, I would also look after a male friend who was that drink too.

😂

it’s all context. A blanket rule that you should never leave a mate alone is ridiculous. Like pp have said, smacks of women can’t be alone and need a protector.

a sober friend, or a couple of drinks in, walking to a train or bus stop in a busy, well lit city or leafy suburb, no problem. Maybe after midnight when things get quiet or there’s a long wait in a secluded area.

if my mate is pissed to the point she’s vulnerable and I have concerns about her getting home safely, then I don’t care if it’s 3 am or 3pm. I’m seeing her home. The time, area, anything else is irrelevant.

You've never traveled alone on public transport after dark since?

It's leafy south west London, not Haiti.

I live in London, in a non-leafy borough and, while I think you should take care and not make yourself vulnerable by being very drunk or walking down the tow path in the middle of the night, I cannot think of a single woman I know across friends, colleagues, neighbours of all ages etc who isn't regularly travelling solo around London on public transport at 11pm back from work, theatre, social life etc.

The idea that an adult woman would regularly need walking to a station in a British city or is being picked up by her mum at 9pm like she is a 14 year old js absolutely baffling.

I think I saw that thread.

There is an advert I see quite often on the TV at the moment for Verisure Alarms that I really, really dislike. It's two women at work, one says let's go for a drink, the other says it's dark now, I want to get home, I am scared of being burgled. "You need Verisure" says the first one, then all the blurb about how good Verisure is and shots of the second one getting it installed. Then they first one says "and now you can go for that drink after work now you have Verisure"

To me that plays on all the fears and over-reactions you read on here. Not saying you don't need an alarm, we have one, but the whole ad is definitely aimed at worrying females of a certain age.

No OP YANBU I’ve been left alone in much worse circs than you describe

I suppose the guilt comes from the whole mantra of 'friends don't let friends walk alone at night' and I wonder if I acted like a shit mate

I never understand how this is supposed to work. I live alone so I tend to be the only one going in my direction. So if I'm at a friend's how is it supposed to work? They walk me to the bus stop and then walk home alone? And then how am I supposed to get from the bus stop to home without being alone? We are adults and it's our job to get ourselves home.

Obviously there are caveats around that and there may be places I'll avoid. Similarly I've taken very drunk friends home because you look out for your friends, but that's not a normal night out.

And I don't really buy that cabs are that much safer. You are putting yourself in a private space alone with a man you don't know. And I'm not made of money. A taxi home from central London would probably be about 50 quid. And then could well involve hanging around waiting for it which is a risk too. I actually find you get approached more when you look like your waiting.

Our women allowed to know their own min, each day women seem to be more and more treated like children

TWICKENHAM! Dear god, someone might have forced you to drink fair trade coffee, or eat olives.

This.

Stop infantilising grown women.

Echoes of 17th century or modern Taliban where women must be chaperoned, yes, it similarly gives me the creeps too.