Child home alone at 11

I think it's too long for most 11 yo. Although they probably won't get home til 4pm, and if you can get back at 6 it's only two hours. But you're then (presumably) going to have to cook dinner, and it's ok probably starting to get a bit late for that a sensible dinner time for an 11 year old. I'd have said that by yr8/12 yo they'd be better able to handle it. But even then, it's far from ideal for a child that age to be solitary for that long on a regular basis, even if not considered unsafe.

3 or 4 hours would be too long in my opinion. For some NT children it would be too long and they would get lonely & scared.

This is one of the other reasons people send their dcs to independent school. The school day ends at 4pm, followed by an hour's communal prep. Bus home at 5pm, get dropped of 5.30pm, walk from the bus stop, get home at 5.45. Meaning my ds is only ever alone for an hour at most. By the time he's changed and made himself some toast I'm home.

I agree with you that it’s weird @Birchtree1

I think it would be fine for some DCs every so often but personally I think it’s wrong to leave them for that long regularly at that age, particularly with the issues you describe.

After school clubs in the school, activity clubs outside school system, child minders who similar aged children or I get someone in who is there but is doing other things so making a dinner, a housekeeping,/ cleaning but happy to supervise him as he gets himself snack does his homework etc.

They don't need minding as such, but they do I feel need an adult on hand for their safety and peace of mind.

What are the childcare options for that age?

I'd say it's fine till 5 or 6 but any later is a bit long.

In Ireland the advice from the national child safety agency is 13+ and dependent on child's comfort.

You know your child better than the mediator down

Mine would've been fine with it, though as it happens I mostly work from home and if not get home around 5.30 as have to collect his younger sister from wraparound by then, so he's rarely home alone more than an hour ( often it's about 10 minutes as he does lots of after school clubs). My main concern with later than that is I wouldn't trust him to cook anything hot without supervision.

My son would have been fine at11- but I worked locally within 15 minutes so could easily be back if there was a big issue - I think that aspect matters too -

My child is that same age and I wouldn't be happy with that. I would leave him on his own for an hour or two but not 3-4. I also think it's important to have someone at home for them arriving home when possible, especially in the first few months of starting high school.

Practically there's not really any childcare available for secondary aged children and I doubt most parents drop down to part time when their child starts secondary - so I'd guess there's a lot of 11 year olds home alone after school.

My son's secondary has a breakfast club from 8am and supervised homework club or extra curricular activities after school until 4pm so I guess some children with working parents will do those.

I wouldn't, seems far too long

You mention going from 3 days to 4 days but say full time? If this is a full time job hours wise, could you ask to spread the hours across 5 days so you finish a bit earlier? Work through lunch break to leave earlier?
Does school offer any clubs after school? I am thinking some might do things for an hour, so id school finishes at 3.30 then they would be occupied til 4.30. By the time they then get home it wouldn't be as long.

It is the reality for a lot of working parents. My DD is 11 and going to secondary next year. She's also awaiting assessment, although she's generally sensible. I work full time, so does dad but we're also not together. There's absolutely zero after school provision in my area for secondary school children and no child minder will take a secondary aged child. I'm lucky enough I can work hybrid but at least a couple of days a week DD will be coming home to an empty house for a few hours.
During school holidays her maternal grandmother might be able to help out, but there may even be days she's home all day while I'm at work.
If you can suggest an alternative I'd be happy to hear it.

He’s having a laugh suggesting you take less than 50%. He wants to think himself lucky he wasn’t married as you may well have got more than 50% given you’re the lower earner and sacrificed your career and future pension. Cheek of him.

@Birchtree1 are you joint tenants in the house and is their any paperwork/contracts that states it should be anything other than a joint tenancy

if not why or earth is he pushing it to be anything other than 50/50 bexause he shouldn’t have a leg to stand on

My 10 year old walks home from school and is alone for a few hours. So I wouldn’t have a problem with an 11 year old.

Year 7? It’s fine. They will all be alone on an inset day any way.

All mine got the bus home at 11 and stayed home until I got home, around 6pm. DS2 was just 11 too being the youngest in year

Nooo!!

Sorry OP, but you’re not thinking straight and what’s best for your joint kids is a parent who can afford to live in a decent home, pay the bills and be there for drop off, pick ups and the long school holidays!!

Your ex has happily not been inconvenienced by childcare responsibilities for the last 10 yrs because he’s had you to do all that for him and he’s clearly taken you for granted and is still trying to convince you that childcare is 100% your responsibility as The Woman.

If he’d stayed at home instead of you, you could have progressed your career and you’d be earning a higher income and not worrying about how to manage the childcare as you’d easily be able afford ‘paid help’ to deal with the non school hours.

You’ve also sacrificed your ability to save into a pension scheme too. My DH’s pension is about 5 times what mine is because he carried on earning throughout the child rearing years. I’d be completely stuffed if we split up now.

You need to leave with more than 50% equity of the house if this split is going to be remotely ‘fair’ to both parties and yes, not getting married was clearly a mistake on your part, so don’t compound that by thinking taking more than 50% equity is fleecing him. He’s had a free ride for 10 years!!!!!

My DS also has SEN and can only be left alone for about 3-4 hours now he’s 16. Not a chance would I have done that when he was 11.

They’re not married, it’s not a divorce - I get the impression this is about child arrangements not divorce financial split.

Gently, that line of thinking often results in less. Go for as much as you can get. It is what is best for the kids. You are at a disadvantage now and that likely won't change.

Sorry, had to eta
You're being told you can work more, you can get a li get mortgage, essentially, you need to do more. And that your kids need to step it up, too.
Please stop being nice.