To sack off driving?

8 lessons in, I was still stalling constantly and crying at the wheel - i think you’re being harsh on yourself, it can take time and doesn’t come naturally to everyone. I’ve now been driving a year and it’s 100% one of the best things I’ve ever done - the freedom and independence of not having to rely on other people or public transport is one of the best feelings! It’s definitely a life skill worth having, keep at it!

Oh god love, I tried to learn to drive on and off since I was 17. I passed in 2021 aged 37. I HATED it. I wouldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I was master at over thinking when it came to it. Nothing and nobody has frightened me as much as driving did. And the thing is, I was good at it. It was my own anxiety and fear that made it so bad. But, when I started lessons up again in 2019 it was my son that was the motivator. Whose gonna get him if he's in trouble one night when he's older, what if he needs to get to hospital and no one else is around, I wanted to take my son on days out, just the two of us and that time I persisted. I was prescribed sertraline and beta blockers. I tried everything to ease my nerves and calm the anxiety. When it came to my test I poured over YouTube videos and Google earth pictures of roundabouts. And I passed! I still don't like driving, I'm still good at it, but I still hate it! But I do get to drive my kid to school, I can pick him up if he's poorly, I can take him on days out and when he's older I'll be able to pick him up from a party when he's had too much. I don't have to wait in the cold or rain for a bus to work. I can take my mum places! What I'm saying is it IS worth it. Yes it's expensive, yes it's hard. 8 lessons is nowhere near enough m. But, if I can do it then anyone can!

I think you should persevere. You must have been motivated to start in the first place so what’s changed? Just that it’s harder than you expected? The cost hasn’t changed surely so that sounds like an excuse because it’s not coming as easily as you thought it might.

There’s a lot of evidence that people with ADHD actually make excellent drivers. We can handle thinking about 100 things at once, we don’t panic under pressure (in fact it usually calms us compared to NT people) and when hyperfocus kicks in when driving, we’re pretty damn amazing.

It's perfectly ok not to drive provided that you take responsibility for getting yourself to where you need to be, which you are obviously doing. But I don't think you can safely conclude, on the basis of eight lessons, that you won't ever crack it. For some of us, it takes a lot longer.

You are not failing. No shame at all in not continuing one bit. And you can be smug and say you are doing something to reduce climate change emissions.

From the experiences of several friends, I think it is SO much harder to learn the older you get.

But it’s not impossible!

Is there anything that could trigger our old ADHD frenemy: hyperfocus? I guess your grandson is too little to give you some help with planning a first driving trip once you pass, or getting excited about what car you’d be driving…

What are your current fixations, could a car feed into any of those? Driving to a crafting superstore or Yorkshire Sculpture Park or a tour of Withnail and I locations? Tracking down episodes of Top Gear where the celebrity lap is someone you love?

If you do pass your test, how are you going to keep up that skill? Are you going to buy a car? And drive for the sake of it for practice?

We don't own a car. I've driven enough that I can not drive for years and still be able to do it when I need to. My DH has a licence but never kept it up after that. To all intents and purposes he can't drive - he'd need lessons to remember it.

Persevere girl! Once you pass, and you hit the open road, you'll have zero regrets.

I drive dd places now - the freedom it gives you is amazing x

Lots of people who drive hate driving, for me it's never been something I love and even in my 40s I drive a pretty small car. I'm dyslexic so it takes a lot to get things in to my long term memory, my boyfriend has ADHD but we both drive for the same reasons i.e it makes life easier.

I know it can seem like the world and his dog can drive and make you feel inept if you can't. I remember thinking if my MIL can do it surely I must be able to!

Don't expect to be good to start with, like others have said you are there to learn and it will be out your comfort zone. I couldn't compute reversing at all to start with, my instructor really did have the patience of a saint!

This is why I gave up driving about 15 years ago. It's also a great excuse to get out of things you don't want to do, places you don't want to go to etc.

I cannot fathom affirmatively choosing dependence - whether it be on someone else's goodwill or a public transport timetable. You're only 42, God willing you may have 50 years ahead of you. Get an automatic and stick with it.

I’m dyspraxic and took multiple attempts to pass. I still bloody hate it.

If you have Ubers and taxis where you live, and your main motivation is getting to your DGC in an emergency, I wouldn’t bother. I plan to quit driving when I retire.

I managed without driving until 40. I HATED learning. Sweat, palpitations, fear, cost. I have always mixed up directions and found there were too many things to do at once in a manual. Tried in an automatic and unbelievably to me (and I think my driving instructor!) I passed.

I am so glad I perservered. I wanted the freedom to take my children places and collect them if they needed it. I have found it incredibly useful, which is why so many people do it I suppose!

Only downside is I'm less fit now I have the option to drive over walking!

My top tip is get a calm and patient driving instructor, I really need to have my confidence built when I was learning as an adult.

Walking keeps you fit and maintaining a car is expensive if you only make the occasional journey. I’m thinking of selling mine.

I believe I'm AuADHD - I learnt in an automatic and it was a lot better than manual.

I don't like to drive at the best of times but I'm glad I have the option.

If passing your driving test makes you feel like a failure in life I would try and give it more time.

Average hours needed is 40 with an instructor and 20 on your own with a driver and this increases with age. I would definitely go automatic from the start at your age and for the reasons you want to drive. Manual is only really needed if you hire cars often.

Do your children drive? How long did it take them?

It takes a long time before it comes naturally.. when you are learning you have to think about every single thing, and it easily seems overwhelming. You just need time.

My DD ASD/ADHD has just stared, she’s had 7 lessons, but I fully expect it to take at least 12 months

I had several lessons when I was 18. I didn’t like it, wasn’t good at it & decided that if I wasn’t going to be a driver, I’d have to live somewhere that wouldn’t be a problem - hence spending most of my adult life in London.

There’s still the occasional time when it’s a pain but they’re pretty rare. If you can afford lessons, could you instead put money aside as a taxi fund for getting to your family if needed?

Keep going OP.

After only 8 lessons obviously it’s not going to be coming naturally yet. At 8 lessons I was still conking out at roundabouts and crying! 🤣

I think sometimes as adults we lose our ability to start things from scratch and be beginners (ie. be crap at something). We were crap as kids when we started writing and reading, and we were crap when we started riding a bicycle. I really had to humble myself for my lessons and remind myself I was there to LEARN and not to do a ‘good lesson’ to impress the instructor. You’re paying them to teach you so take advantage of it.

If it is just for your grandson in emergencies Uber will be much cheaper in the long run.

So long as you don’t rely on others taxiing you around.

I say it depends where you live and how much you need to drive.

Automatic is a great idea, one less thing to think about, so less impact on your working memory. A skilled instructor also helps enormously.

I hate driving. I also have lots of symptoms of ADHD. I finally passed in my early 20s having failed 6 tests at 18. I say it was worth it; my job is 10 minutes’ drive away but would be impractical to get on public transport. If I need to drive (e.g. to take someone to the hospital) I can.

Otherwise, I avoid it, I cycle, train or let my other half drive. Passing your test gives you options.

It is useful. I am also probable ADHD and passed once I tried in an automatic, that plus Waze is a life saving.

would your OH change to an auto ?