Drinking at 6year olds party

@Onlyvisiting I see your point. But nothing bad happened? If they are having problems that's a shame, but based off that incident alone I'd not be overly concerned.

Well I wouldn't personally if I was responsible keeping an eye on multiple children. And it just seems totally unnecessary to me. Like wandering around tesco car park swigging from a flask Not necessarily about the amount of units consumed but not a situation that most people would consider a normal one to add alcohol to.
But do any soft plays offer alcohol to be drunk in the play area???? This seems unlikely but I've never been to one!

You're getting mixed responses because your post was very vague and short on detail. It sounded like your daughter-in-law was drinking in the garden at a kids party. But it's actually your step daughter, who you've been worried about for some time drinking from a hip flask in soft play.

If she's your partner's daughter I'd talk to him about it and see what he thinks.

@Onlyvisiting if the venue sold booze then it would be ok to have a drink surely? I guess a hip flask is a little extreme. If they really are having alcohol issues then the only way it can be addressed is if they see it as a problem and want to quit. So I just don't really see what OP can do.

If you're concerned about her in general then I'd speak to her about that rather than focusing it on the drinking. People get VERY defensive about their drinking and she will be likely to struggle to get past the idea that you're criticising her. Just ask her if she's OK as you know things have been difficult. She may open up she may not. But there's slim to no chance she will if you tell her her 'secret drinking' is 'unacceptable'. The exception would be if they were drunk and incapable and were driving or responsible for a child themselves.

Secret drinking, or even just taking your own alcohol somewhere none is available and no one else is drinking, is generally a concern. And with MH issues to cope with, doubly so.

But whether talking to her about it directly will be beneficial or just close off lines of communication is not something it’s not possible for us to judge.

If you think you (or her dad) can do it in a way she’d hear as genuine concern then it might be worth it and offering support. But that doesn’t seem likely.

An alternative is just trying to be more support for her until things improve or she’s ready to get help (or you have to step in for the kids’ sake).

Had you noticed her drinking a lot prior to this? Do you think the children are being cared for properly? Do you think they drive when they've been drinking?

It’s a bit strange but I’d be more concerned about how much she is drinking. The equivalent of a glass of wine won’t be a problem. Getting drunk and disorderly in a ball park would.

There is a massive difference between drinking, socially and openly at a kids party and having concealed hip flask of booze to get through a kids party.

On the basis of what?
Just seems like people want to put the boot in for no good reason.

Do people still own/use hip flasks? Hardly "secret drinking".

If she really wanted to secretly drink, she'd be a lot more inconspicuous by drinking neat vodka from a water bottle or a travel mug.

Hip flasks are a dead giveaway.

It's not acceptable but I see no value in saying anything. If it was just her I would probably talk to her spouse in concern she has a drinking problem (and yes, I do think day drinking in secret at a children's ball pit party/active centre suggest a problem) but if they are both doing it they will think it's fine.
If its your step daughter then I would mention it to your dh and keep an ongoing eye on the kids/family for any signs of alcohol abuse. But for now there is no value in confronting her directly

Why is it? There may well be truth in it.

In a hip flask at a ball pit??? This isn't a family meal or party at a house where there is wine with a meal.
If you can't manage a child friendly activity day (presumably middle of the day ish) without booze then you have a problem.

Why would you post this it's just nasty?

People drink at kids parties, but taking a hip flask is weird, so the flask went in to the ball pit and they sat there swigging from it?
Who drove home?

Are you the reason she's secretly drinking?

Like PP, I've been to plenty of kids parties, including at soft play, where there was alcohol. Usually a few bottles of Prosecco and everyone (who isn't driving) has a glass in a "hooray we've survived 3 years, 5 years, whatever" sort of way. And often with a "boy you really do need a drink to come with these hellish places don't you?!" sort of a way. So the actual drinking if only a small amount wouldn't bother me and I don't think there is anything inherently inappropriate in drinking at soft play of the centre allows it.

Drinking in secret is a bit of a red flag though. But I wouldn't mention that point specifically to the person involved, but rather try to talk to them sympathetically about whatever you think the real problem might be.

When we have parties at our house for anyone of any age there's usually the option of a prosecco or beer etc if people want it (we usually do!)

However sneaking hip flasks (presumably of straight spirits) into a kids soft play centre is a whole different kettle of fish and the fact so many people seem to be okay with it is really concerning

But she's secretly drinking, that's the problem.

Soft play is hell on earth, I wouldn't judge any parents for sneaking in some alcohol in a hip
flask as long as they were not getting wasted, nor do I find it odd to have alcohol at a kids party so this by itself is fine to me. Sounds like there are clearly other issues though, so if it's your husband's daughter I would let him speak to her unless you have a very good relationship with her.

I thought drink for the adults was the norm at children's parties! However if she was secretly rather than openly drinking it might indicate she has more of an issue. If it was my own DD I would raise it, but not a DSD.