My ex and I are finalising our divorce after a 4-year separation. I’ll be honest, he treated me poorly both before and during our separation. Early next year, we’re heading to court to sort out our finances. Since he moved back to the UK, I’ve been seeing him more frequently, and it’s stirred up a purely physical desire for him.
To clarify, he hasn’t shown any signs of wanting me, and he was in an on-and-off relationship for 1.5 years, which ended about 8 months ago. I realise this might sound desperate, but it’s strictly about sexual desire. I’ve been celibate since our separation and haven’t pursued dating because I don’t feel ready. My focus has been on improving my career, completing my master’s degree, and raising our 5-year-old daughter (solo).
I’ve also avoided the idea of a casual sexual partner because the risks make me uncomfortable, there are safety concerns, and I’m not at ease inviting someone into my space or visiting theirs. Until recently, I hadn’t felt any interest in sex, but seeing my ex more often has changed that. Now, I find myself feeling aroused and thinking about sex constantly.
I know this might sound irrational, unwise, or even a bit unhinged, but it’s where I am emotionally right now.
I’m thinking, “You only live once,” but there’s a chance he could reject me. He’ll probably think I’m messing with him since I’ve shown no interest in him or in trying to save the marriage, mainly because he messed up so badly. I’m sure he believes I hate him.