Aibu? it's not my responsibility to make sure teen DSD gets to school

You were busy with two small children so it’s reasonable for the 15 year old to get themselves up. I probably would have shouted a lot more to get her moving if this was a one off but wouldn’t have driven her in. Not a big deal being late once - she’ll learn! But you DH is being unreasonable.

I have a 15 year old, and also remember the joy of rattling round my dad's house with my stepmother running her usual routine around me whilst dad was at work. I feel for the 15 year old tbh. My 15 year old can get themselves up and fed and out to school, but I make sure they're up for breakfast and eat with everyone else, because they're part of my family.

It looks like no-one, i.e. her dad, thought to tell her the family's expectations - down for breakfast by x time, out the door by y time if you want a lift. It's not on the OP to sort, but the 15 year old is still learning to live in your house and its routine, someone needed to tell her how mornings work for you. Poor kid.

Could I skip of to work knowing that one of my children are in bed and going to be late? No I couldn’t

It’s double standards - you are the adult here and it’s ridiculous to pull the step mother card out

fgs she’s a 15yo child and it’s not her fault you had two young ones to get ready

Hopefully whatever sanction the school put in place for her being late will teach her not to be late in future.
if he wants to fuss over a 15 year old then he can crack on, you’ve got enough to do.

It sounds like this was a one off.

The kind thing to do would’ve been to offer her a lift. ‘I’m leaving at x time, do you want a lift?’

If this is a regular occurrence, then of course she needs to learn.

At 15, I would probably give her a shout to get her up, but after that it’s up to her.

If he thinks she needs that level of parenting he needs to stay home and make sure she gets to school

Strictly speaking it is not your problem- however I assume due to timings you knew she would be late without a lift?

Im assuming this lift would not have made you late for work as surely your own husband would not have expected you both to be late?

If you have a child living under your roof part time I don’t think you can realistically absolve yourself of all responsibility for that child

I don’t see treating someone with respect as infantilising. In fact I find taking a position of power and dictating what someone should do as infantilising.

If I want someone to behave as a respectful adult I treat them respectfully as an adult. Treat someone as a child and you get childish behaviour. In normal situations your own behaviour tends to direct the response you get.

Such angst over being late once. She won't do it again.

However, we can all oversleep so a knock on the door if you haven't seen her by a certain time wouldn't go amiss.

Step-child is a bit of a red herring - I treat my own teens in the same way. They know what time they need to be up and where they need to get to. It's on them if they are late. Get up on time or face the consequences.

The switch went for our 14 year old last week. Years of giving his morning routine no thought at all as he does all his jobs, gets ready, completes homework etc with no input needed… to him oversleep 3 times last week. I thought I had got the time wrong when I saw him mooch last in his pjs 10 mins before his bus was due!

Well he treats you like the in house support human then doesn't he.

Entitled prick.

If getting up late was a one-off then I would have given her a lift if it didn't make anyone else late. Teenagers need a bit of leeway sometimes as they don't always get things right so I would have helped her if it avoided her being marked as late

Has he ever had the pleasure of wrangling the two little kids out of the house to nursery and then going on to work? I suggest he does so for a week and then sees how willing he’d be to also monitor a 15-year-old getting out of the house too.

Presumably going out of your way to give her a lift and make sure she wasn’t late would have made YOU late, even though you’d done your part in getting everyone everywhere. DSD needs to take responsibility for getting to school on time, DH needs to do some dadding to ensure she does.

I lived with someone at uni whose mum used to phone her mobile to wake her up for lectures and her part time job, it was madness

I can't imagine you were all creeping around either, she can't have slept through it! Now she knows you won't give her a lift I'm sure she will be up earlier.

His child his responsibility he can drop her off tomorrow and that way she will learn. Not your issue. She’s a teenager she can get herself up.

I have children and I leave at a certain time and they get a lift to school if they are on time else they sort themselves out.

Have I misunderstood what you’re proposing here?

If an adult you lived with overslept a lot, you’d sit down with them and work out a way forward? I would consider that infantilising, not giving respect.

I know I'm in the minority here, but I would've taken her to school.

I would then have you and your DH to speak to her about her tardiness. I hate this demarcation talk when it comes to Step children. She's your bonus daughter and you should treat her as you would your own. She's 15, and I'm assuming she's a good kid in other ways. Its end of term, kids are tired. She's obviously wrecked. Talk out a plan for mornings going forward and tell her that you cant have this happen again.

YANBU - 15 year olds must take accountability .

Tough love - she will be late / detention etc. I is a life lesson - late for work , disciplined (jobless potentially)

It’s not your responsibility but it’s not his either. It’s hers.

It’s harsh but the only way mine have learned not to forget something/ be on time is when I let them be late/forget whatever it is.

There’s a weekly schedule on the fridge and my job is to ensure it’s up to date. I will
help you beyond that, but I won’t do your shit for you.

YANBU, my nieces are younger than her and get themselves up and ready for school.

Tell DH that he needs to get her up before he leaves for work because you won't be waking her up again.

I would tell him if he wants to head off without a thought in the morning and leave his DD in my care she will get looked after as I see fit, and being late for school is the natural consequence of not getting up and getting a move on when woken after sleeping through her alarm. If he wants to baby her he can stay home and do it himself.

He doesn’t get to order you to do things just because you’re there. You’re a partner, not his servant.

Also bear in mind the OP leaves the house 10mins before the Sdd anyways. So at her usual point of leaving the house, the Sdd was not late, and the OP wasn't to know Sdd wasn't still going to leave in 10mins